ethan,
wow.
i'm at a loss of words.
when we met up, and you told me everything. i was in such a high state of shocked that i was hardly able to speak. now that i've had time to process everything, you're about to hear it. or read it.
you really out did yourself this time, e.
i can't believe how pathetic your reasoning for letting me go is.
your words just keep repeating in my head like it's a fucking song.
the truth finally came out.
you left me, because you were scared of loving someone. and you were scared to have someone love you.
two years ago you started dating someone. you didn't love her. she was the only person in your life who was simply just there.
she put you into a deep hole that was covered by darkness.
after a year of being in the hole, you met me.
i dug you out of that hole and showed you the light of the real world. i showed you how life can be if you make the best of it.
meeting you returned the same for me. i felt what you felt.
i loved you, and you knew that.
you didn't know what love was. you didn't know how it felt to love someone and you didn't know how it felt to be loved by someone.
i showed you that.
that's when you confessed that you loved me to. the day at the lake.
from then on we were both on cloud nine, and we didn't come down. it didn't even feel real because of how happy we were.
then some time passed, college started back up, and we both focused on school.
it didn't separate us, but now life wasn't only us. it was us and school.
the cloud nine slowly started to fall, but the love stayed the same.
reality set in for you.
you got so scared that you were finally in love with someone that you panicked.
you also got so scared that someone could actually love and care about you so deeply that you panicked.
you hated the idea that your happiness only came with the help of another person.
you are independent and strong, so you hated the fact that the only way you could be happy was with help. it scared you.
it was all too much for your brain to handle in such a short amount of time that you reacted without thinking.
after you processed everything, then next day you ended it with me.
you ended it because you were what? embarrassed that you needed another person?
or was it because you were scared that someday i wouldn't be there and that happiness would collapse. so you ended before i would ever have the chance.
i don't even know what to say at this point.
if you truly think i would leave you after how much love i handed to you, then i'm done.
this is my last and final letter.
goodbye ethan.
from,
your past love
