Why does everything seem so complicated, but simple at the same time? How can all these movies and shows talk about one thing, but you experience it a whole other way? Is it old tradition that just doesnt exist anymore? Is all of everything too old? Or am I just over thinking? Whichever it is, it doesnt have a full answer, and that's what makes it complicated.
All I know, is I'm scared, nervous, anxious, and it's all coming through my writing. My body stiffens as I continue to write. Gripping my pencil, making my hand grow weaker. My unclear mind rummaging through everything that doesnt connect. The wanting to get it all down before it's gone, but my hand and handwriting suffer. Along with my body trying to straighten for the book.
Who would have thought a message could bring so much anxiety? A message that doesnt involve you. Afraid of him knowing something you already told him. Only, your too afraid to admit the truth about the situation. He doesnt like you. Neither does he, and him either. All that you like, dont like you back. All you choose to let go, but they just wont. The facts. The evidence. How could I let my thoughts get the best of me? I know I'm being dramatic, but, I know I'm not. I'm confused. Contradicting myself just so something can have the slightest connection.
Night dreaming. Like daydreaming, but at night because I cant sleep. Not when my mind has too much to process. I'm afraid of the things I dont know. Im scared because I dont know. But I'm scared to know. Isnt that for everyone? Why do we put so much into the things we dont know? Do we want to know? Will it change the truth? Waiting for the answer when it's really right in front of you? What If I'm not confused, just scared? Scared of the world, what might really be out there waiting for me?
Wanting something, then actually having it right in front of me, just to let it go? Is it really me? All this time?
I'm so empty, the cold goes right through my bones. It doesnt hurt. It just makes me feel alone and unsafe. Is that why I desire someone? Someone to hold me? Because it's what I've not had for a while? Or do I want to hold someone? Someone of my own. Someone for me to take care of. My blood.
I should just let go. Forget them. But everytime I try, they are there. Reminding me of all I cant have. That's it. People only want what they cant have. Once they have it, the adventure is over. They are done.
I'm too open. But I'm too depressed. It makes not sense to me. Are these what people call, "shower thoughts"?
YOU ARE READING
Story Time
RandomWriting is a way of expressing feelings. To give situations, and let people connect to them. I write here, for the purpose of others who are in need of help, or just want to read. I write to Express myself. This is not just poems for him, this is wr...
