Good News & Bad News: Prelude to the sequel "F@*k You, Do Better"

Good news: You're a narcissist. Bad news: You're a narcissist

"I'm not a narcissist!!" Thank you again, convenient reader, who I know exists. My question to anyone who had that thought while reading the title of this chapter, why are you so sure I was referring to you. I could have been referring to a particular group of people. The section of the reading audience that would need to hear that. You could have thought. "Yeah a lot of people really are," or "I know a few people like that I wonder what this next devotion is about," but you thought I was talking to you. The person reading this sentence, like somehow I could know your life story and judge you. I can't. I'm writing on the train remember. I don't know who will read this. I don't know your face, your age, not one thing about you. I'm writing to an imaginary person through an app on my phone while on the train to and from work. There is no way I could judge who you specifically are. So why did you immediately get offended like I was right next to you spitting in your face? It's because people hate the word narcissist and that's why I used it.

Do I know if you're a narcissist? Yes and no. I'll start with a shorter answer. No, I have no idea who is reading this so I can never say. You, who are reading this line, are a narcissist. I mean I can write it but saying it out loud is weird. I can say yes because of what I know about human behavior. Humans are self-centered. We process the world in a frame of reference. This idea is based on studying human behavior. If you understand that you experience the world through a mind that can never compare its world to another person's world then you understand why it's so interesting to study. You experience the world through your senses which are process through your brain which is unique to you. You can't scan a person's brain and recreate that person from the point at which you scanned them. If you could we would have the basis of mind swapping, teleportation, and various other science fiction fun stuff. Let's break it down for a second.

Your eyes were once brain tissue that migrated forward and became your eyes. They are an extension of your brain in a literal sense. Every sensation you have is an extension of your brain. Every experience you have is through the filter of your sensations which are an extension of your brain. In short, the world around you is all in your head. This creates an interesting problem when communicating is involved. For instance, take the color blue or to be more accurately the concept of blue. You see we can never confirm if the color blue exists. What we can confirm is that we can agree that the sky is a color that we refer to as blue. If we were able to connect two people's brains so that they would experience the same color as one another would experience like an on and off switch. We would discover that my blue is likely your green and my green is somehow your red. We would see that it's quite possible that even though we can agree on the concept of blue our experience of that color is individual. This is why we have to be self-centered. We are our only true frame of reference. So let me clarify on what I mean when I say you're a narcissist.

In this particular context, I'm using the word interchangeably with self-centered. "Then why not use the word self-centered?" You are a very convenient reader. Still, questioning their actual existence along with the existence of color. Self-center, in my option, only refers to some action of human behavior. It's not a strong enough word to refer to the more primal aspects of what's actually happening throughout human life. You see when you're a baby you are in a survival mode. What's important to you is your needs mentality, physically, and spiritually. Don't ask me about the spirituality of a baby. I don't know and don't want to go down that rabbit hole. To be mentally well, the baby seeks attention from their parents or guardians. To be physically well the baby seeks food water and shelter that is provided by the parents. These needs never really go away. You still need food, water, and shelter. You also need some form of attention to not feel alone in the world. If you were going to make the comparison we are a lot like rabbits that die from loneliness. Now we aren't rabbits and our needs are a little more complex, I do admit. My point is that as babies, we focus on our needs and, as we grow, those needs never go away. So the with that train of thought, would we still be that focus on our needs?

Some of the reads have caught the logic fallacy. Just because the thing is an apple, and it is green, doesn't make all apples green. I understand that just because a baby may be self-focus and survival focus does not make a baby narcissistic. Remember I'm not using the clinical definition of the word. Being survival focused isn't bad but it does change the thought process a bit. If you needed food and water, would you think about if someone else had food if you couldn't see them and couldn't help them? Even though I know some people will say yes for various reasons. Remember that if you are saying yes you probably have food and water. Saying yes in a state at which you believe you have access to food and water isn't the same as saying yes when you know you don't. If you are reading this book without access to food please stop reading and find food. I'll still be here. There are more words on the page right. If you don't have what you need you don't try and give to someone else. The giving part of people comes when you believe you have what you need. If you have money, you don't feel hesitant to give money. If you have food and believe you'll get more you're willing to share. If you have shelter and know where to find more you're more likely to tell others. When I say people are narcissistic, I'm not saying people don't give. I'm saying you're focused on self first and others later. Your frame of mind works in reference to yourself so that you can understand the world around you and act accordingly. In fact, the fact of my opinion, it's a good thing that you're self-focused. It's a great thing that you're a narcissist.

"How is it good to be a horrible person?" You know convenient reader you ask a lot of questions. I like that about people. You have to remember the context that I'm using the word in. I'm not calling humanity horrible. I'm saying that we are, as individuals, self-focused. That's a good thing. If you can't find food for yourself how would you share it with others if you wanted to? How would you share anything with anyone of you couldn't first find it for yourself. Give a man a fish feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish feed him for a lifetime. That's one of my many favorite quotes. The idea is if you can't do it yourself how can you help someone else. If you can't get the fish yourself you can't even give it to the man let alone teach him how to get fish. Helping people feels good right? Have you ever asked why it feels good? If I wanted to be cold, I could explain the social aspect of our survival and need for acceptance as an ingrained neural process that relates back to us traveling in packs and creating a higher chance that if the pack is attacked the weakest well die and the strong survive. I'm not going to be cold. I'm going to tell you about drunk elephants.

Elephants make alcohol. No really, look it up. Elephants make alcohol and get drunk while morning for their own. It's a way to deal with the sadness they feel about their own mortality and the loss of family. We've seen a lot of animals affected in the same way. Animals can feel sad for the loss of another animal close to them. If it was purely survival wouldn't the sadness cause weakness in those animals? Would that not be a trait that should have been removed from our evolutionary history? There has to be a purpose for that loss and sadness. I believe it's part of your needs. Having people around and feeling loved and cared for, are all part of the needs you have for the mentally/spiritual part of you. Since I can't say that spirituality is separate entirely from your mentality given that any spiritual connection you feel has to come with a reference of oneself on a mental level. I'm just going to make it simple and not get into any kind of spiritual debate. That would take far too long and I only have an hour on the bus going to work. Giving and being accepted is a need you have. Being selfish makes you a better giver. It makes you realize that punching someone in the face is a bad idea because you don't like being punched in the face. If you take out the reference to yourself you might still punch someone in the face because you wouldn't know why it might be wrong. You being focused on yourself and your goals in life only make it more likely that you can teach someone else how to do it. Being a little selfish from time to time helps people. Who can you help by giving everything and not ever getting for yourself? You can't give from an empty cup so take the time to fill it now and again. The people you care about, the people you want to give to, will be grateful for your selfishness. Hell, figure out how to get a bigger cup every now and again and you can give even more. Being a narcissist isn't bad if you are being selfish to meet your need to give.