Love

I

Brienne had no idea of how much time she had spent crying, after she watched him leave she couldn't find the strength to return to her chambers, somehow she hoped Jaime would return, or maybe it was because she knew he would never do, and returning to her chambers, the only place she had been happy for these last weeks seemed too painful.
She couldn't sleep, however, she was somehow back inside, her eyes stung from having cried so much and she knew everyone would notice how red they were, the last thing she wanted was for people to ask questions.

Sansa.

Brienne almost started crying, she had personally opened up to her about her whole history with Jaime and even her feelings, and Sansa had decided to trust her above her hatred towards the man who had once attacked her father. She felt responsible for Jaime's actions even now.

Ever since Brienne was a child she had learned to never show people how vulnerable she actually felt and yet with Jaime Lannister she felt comfortable enough, to be honest, comfortable enough to even lose her maidenhood with him. She would not let herself regret it, even under all the pain she knew she would do it again.

It was very early still so she decided it was best to tell Sansa right away about Jaime, she knew Sansa began her duties early in the morning, mostly for the lack of sleep she suffered from.

Brienne dressed herself and washed her face with cold water hoping she wouldn't rise suspicion, she was Lady Sansa's sworn sword, there was no place for vulnerability.

Brienne found Sansa looking out of her window, even if she never mentioned it Brienne knew the girl was afraid that one day she'd wake up and lose her home once more.

A chill ran through Brienne's body, she was not sure if it came from the cold or if she had no idea of how to deliver the news.

"Lady Brienne, how can I help you," Sansa asked without taking her eyes off the view.

"My Lady" she began "It's about Jaime Lannister"

Sansa chuckled "Right, I heard Ser Davos mention he knighted you, apologies Ser Brienne, it was the most honorable thing he has done and probably will"

Brienne had to stop herself from saying another word, the thought of him doing something so meaningful for her such as the knighting made her wonder why had he done something so special if he would later leave.

Noticing her silence, Sansa finally turned to her, her polite façade melted away, replaced by a worried glance.
"Brienne? What happened?"

Unable to meet her eye she simply answered in a low voice "He left"

Sansa was not warm, no one expected it of her, she had been through so much that it was only understandable, however, she had walked towards her and sat Brienne on her bed to gently kneel beside her.
"Cersei?"

Brienne closed her eyes upon hearing that awful name, she had even sworn not to say it out loud.
"Yes"

"We can't seem to be able to win against her game" Sansa began saying, her tone distant and yet soft "you've protected me against many dangers Ser Brienne but I was not able to protect you from her, I should've known, it was my responsibility to think about the possibility of Jaime Lannister returning to her, it just seemed like he had made a different decision... I shouldn't have let you believe him"

Brienne found herself reaching for Sansa's hand "Do not apologize, please, it was my choice too, I let my emotions cloud my judgment"

Her Lady forced a smile and sat beside her, she took a while to speak but finally said "Ser Brienne I want you to know that there is not a single man or woman in all of Westeros that is as honorable and loyal as you are. I could not have been in better hands and I can only repay you by standing with you as you have done with me, whatever it is that you choose or feel"

Brienne fought back tears and smiled "Thank you Sansa, but there is nothing I can do anymore, I only wanted you to hear it from me before people began talking."

Sansa stood up letting her leave the room, just as Brienne was opening the door she called her
"You love him don't you?"

Brienne didn't face her, she couldn't, not even herself. Why was she torturing her? Had Sansa not told her that she would try to understand her? Why remind her that her feelings had not been reciprocated?

Sansa spoke once again, her tone softer and lower "Love is a luxury in our time. It must hurt, but many people would give anything to feel it even once, I am happy you could"

The tears had restarted, she closed the door behind her and returned to her room, even after everything she couldn't hate Jaime Lannister, she could never.