Life's Trigger

Just the Beginning

June 8th, 2016 - Graduation
Lauren
"Can you drop me off right here please?"
"Bae, drop her off right here" says mama J
"Alright I'll see you guys after"
"We're so proud of you" Papa speaks out
I simply smiled as I grabbed my cap and gown before getting out of the car. I fixed my white dress as I started towards the stairs leading to the gym where all of class of 2016 were to meet before graduation. I can't lie, I'm super nervous. I kind of want to cry. This is the last time I'll be stepping foot on my high school campus as a student, and let me tell you, I am TIRED. These four years have flown by, especially this year. I can honestly say I will miss the people that I am cool with, my friends, but I will not miss the drama and the bullshit that went on at this damn school.
I walked through the doors and instantly grew annoyed. There's no air in here, and people are standing everywhere.
"Here Lauren," Mr. Meadows said as he handed me a few  bobby-pins. "All of the ladies are having a hard time keeping caps on, you ready?"
" yes I am. I'm going to miss you dearly, thank you for being a father for me while I was here." Mr.Meadows was my father away from home. See I didn't grow up being raised by my parents. I was raised by my grandparents. Being raised by mama and papa has its perks, but it also has its downfalls. I don't know what I would do without them, but they've kind of placed a barrier between me and my actual father. He was there, but wasn't there. Therefore my senior year in high school, Mr. Meadows and I really grew a close bond. I was able to confide in him about school and family and if I needed anything, he looked out for me and had my back. He embraced me in a tight hug and stated "No problem, I enjoyed having you in my class. You have my number, I'm always here. You can come see me whenever."
—
The whole graduation process is taking hours and it's finally time for my row to walk the stage and collect our diplomas. As I get closer to the front, I start to grow more nervous. I'm anxious. This is a bitter sweet moment for me because I honestly didn't think I would make it. In the past 5 years I've moved 3 times and went to 2 different high schools. My grades dropped drastically, my relationship with my mom began to grow as my father slowly became less existent with his wife and their kids and problems with my grandparents surfaced. I'm basically an only child and I can't trust anyone in my family to vent to let alone be comfortable with them. As I get older, although they held me down, I'm beginning to realize how full of it my grandparents really are. Things are just confusing. My grandparents say one thing, my father says another, and my mom says the other, then there's what I remember. Regardless of what went on, my grandparents pushed me through school, daddy faded but didn't fade while starting a new family, and mommy is working hard to be the best she can be.
"Lauren Taylor" I snapped out my thoughts as I carefully walked up the 3 steps in front of me to greet everyone without falling on my face in these heels. "Why did I even wear these" I thought to my self as I grabbed the rose from the principal, shook the vice principal's hand, and stepped down to grab my diploma from Meadows. As I walked back to my seat, I hear my family screaming my name and I am in absolute joy. I did it! The adolescence chapter in my life is closed and the real deal is knocking on my door. What am I going to do? What I know for sure is that I'm taking a break from school. I need a breather, a breath of fresh air, to start my life and see what will accompany me. I've been in the same routine for as long as I can remember. All throughout school, it was always just me and my old best friend Liz. Where she went, I went and where I was, she was there too. I've watched her go through boys like it was nothing. The more I seen her cry, the more guarded I became. I refuse to let any little boy or man run over me and take advantage of me.
In a way you can say that I alter my life and situations based off if what I see first hand. I always have crushes but I never really acted on them. Insecure. That word haunts me. I've always felt as if I'm not pretty enough. Guys aren't interested in me, better yet they don't even look at me. But Liz, she gets all the attention. Always have and always did. Liz and I fell out this year. She started getting closer with these girls who did nothing but smoke weed and ditch school, while I started getting closer to Bianca. We met on my first day at this school through a mutual friend that we are both no long cool with. Funny how that works.
I looked back at B as she sat that and waved her diploma at me. The principal continued to speak as I anxiously waited for her to instruct us to flip our tassels since we weren't allowed to throw our caps.
"Ladies and gentlemen, CLASS OF 2016!" It's over! This is honestly the only time the class as a whole has been drama free and appearing to be one happy family. We all walked out and through the eagle where I waited for Bianca so we can go find our families. In the mist of all of the goodbyes and hugs, Bianca and I found my family first. It's been a very long day, but this is just the beginning.