my my my [imallexx x willne]

VIII.

VIII.

The party was long over and it was already the next day. Will was one of the first to wake up due to him going earlier to bed. Thinking about the night before, his conversation with Alex on the balcony felt like a blurry dream.

Now looking at the mess that was his living room Will regretted allowing the party to happen at his place. With Gee still sleeping James was so kind to come down and help him cleaning up everything. Alex and George were probably also still sleeping or ignoring his text messages and Fraser had a bad headache, so he was basically handicapped.

James was washing the empty glasses in the kitchen while Will collected empty beer bottles in the living room. He didn't know who but somebody had left a whole stack of playing cards all over the glass table, Will sighed and gathered them together and put them aside. He emptied the ashtray and opened the balcony door to let in some fresh air. The scenery from yesterday flashed through his mind and the sight of Alex in the moonlight was still present in his head. Will rubbed his tired eyes and turned back to the living room.

He was just rearranging the pillows on the couch when he noticed something pink under one of the grey cushions. Will picked it up and immediately identified it as a hoodie with the white lettering "internet sensation". This was clearly one of Alex, who else would wear this ridiculous pink merch. Alex must have forgotten it here even when Will couldn't remember when or why Alex had undressed.

Will let the soft fabric glide through his fingertips, he held the hoodie not very near to his face but he could still smell Alex individual scent on it. He didn't know what he was doing when he put the pink sweater under his nose, the sweet scent being now stronger. This really was very soft so he let fabric stroke against his cheek, suddenly closing his eyes.
The pictures in his head were only Alex. Alex in the moonlight. Alex smoking. Alex laughing, cheeks all pink, tipsy from the alcohol. His chest tightens, but it didn't hurt. Will felt like losing himself in something.

"Will? What the hell are you doing?"

Will flinched when he suddenly heard his name being called, he quickly removed his head out of the sweater and looked up. James was standing on the other side of the room, a confused look on his face. He put the hoodie down on the couch just like he never had touched it in the first place. He was lost for words so he just gave James a desperate look.

"Will? Is this Alex hoodie?"

Will heavily shook his head. "No!" Knowing that James wouldn't believe him.

"Do you?" James' voice was now soft, almost caring.

"Do I what?" Will felt the sheer despair building up in him. Why did it even come this far?

"Do you have a crush on Alex?" There wasn't a single tone of judgment in James voice, just concern.

Will's world fell apart. It didn't hurt realizing it but still, he felt like dying. Right here and now, maybe he wanted to die. Or run away, far far away from reality. Because this, this was reality. James was real, he was real and at the same time Alex felt like a dream.

"No?"

-

They sat on Will's bed for a almost ten minutes now, not saying anything. In Will's hand he held a hot mug with fresh tea, with two spoons of sugar, just the way he liked it.

Will was glad that James didn't say anything; just letting Will decide when he felt comfortable with talking for himself.

"I'm bi." There, he said it, for the very first time he said the one sentence, which was constantly on his mind for the past week, out loud. To another person and to himself.

James, next to him, just nodded, understanding. "That's alright. Since when do you know?"

Will shrugged his shoulders, honestly he didn't know, it was nothing that suddenly just happened to him. It was hard to narrow down since when he felt like this.

"Not that long."

"Does Alex know that you..."

Will interrupted his friend. "He knows I'm bi."

"That's not what I meant."

He took a big sip of his tea, which was way to hot to drink it but Will didn't care.

"I didn't even knew I had these feelings James."

"Oh."

Will put the mug down on the night table and let himself fall down in the cushions, he buried his face in the pillows. He felt like crying, but thankfully there was this steady and warm hand on his back, comforting him. Will didn't know how long they laid on the bed together, but he couldn't thank James enough for staying by his side while he had a mental breakdown. At this point he felt like he was cursed. This wasn't fair, this wasn't fucking fair. He didn't deserve this kind of punishment. Because this was what it felt like, a punishment.

"You should bring Alex his hoodie back." James' voice was muffled but Will could still hear it under the blanked he just hid in.

"Can you do it?" He asked hesitating. He wasn't sure if he could face Alex right now.

"I think you should do it." The warm hand on his shoulder was suddenly gone and he heard how James stood up, his blanket was pulled away.

"Will?"

Will turned around and seeing how concerned James looked at him he really could just start crying.

"Oh no, Will. Please don't cry. The world is not going to crash down just because you have feeling for Alex."

"But it feels like it." James helped him get up and pushed the pink sweater in his hand. "Just go and bring it him."

Will shook his head again and James sighed. "Running away doesn't do anything helpful, it will just get worse, trust me."

"What do you know about it? You're not in love with your best friend." But James just looked at him and didn't reply. Will raised his eyebrows. "Don't say you..?" James just pressed the pink hoodie against Will's chest.

"This isn't about me it's about you. So go down and give him his hoodie back." Will took it, the fabric still soft the scent of Alex still present.
For a second he thought about just keeping it for himself but that would be creepy and a line he definitively didn't want to cross.

When Will stood right in front of Alex just a few minutes later he thought that falling in love with him already was crossing a line.

"Thanks, I searched for it all morning."

Will returned the sweet smile Alex gave him and now he felt it. Beeing in love really hurt, because seeing Alex looking so beautiful and realizing he could never have that was painful. He felt his eyes tearing up and since when did he become such a crybaby? Quickly he rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his sweater.

"Do you want to come in for a sec?" And of course he couldn't say no, so he followed Alex in the living room. Maybe one day he could stand over all this, forget about his dumb feelings and move on.