mayhem.

questions

when i walked in the room and eyes fluttered my way,
and my ears turned red,
i remember today,
how it felt to feel naked and be scared of the world.
in a place long ago, before i had grown in
i place my finger on the memory that bleeds so badly.
it gushes and gushes with remembrance i no longer wish to hold
even though i know i have stored it away,
but not for long.
i will use it against you
when you threaten those things,
when you threaten me for death and even for living.
that doesn't scare me, don't be so bullheaded.
i may take a lot of things and place them under my hat,
even though it is falling apart.
so what i ask is this: what is the idea?
when i am all huddled and frightened of things
that happened in dreams, and places that don't touch me.
what is it, then, that holds onto my wrist and measures its size?
only because that's what i like to do,
you can find it queer but at least i'm not the one who thinks highly of himself.
i take a needle to my eye and draw within it the thread
that i have sewn and cared for and created for so long.
i tie it in a knot around the things i have seen,
those are held in a place in the dark corners of being.
through the tunnel out of hazel that you didn't see coming
is when you'll be slapped in the face
for questioning the things that you have.
like the pretty questions of who is sleeping there
and how can i get away with such things.
well, do not ponder for long on the ideas
i have held in the pocket in my pants that fit all too tightly.
isn't that what you wanted?
a simple reprieve...
how about the book written about the secrets of you and me?
you should thank me now for not being a blabbermouth
and respect the fact that i also hide in your lies;
behind the new girlfriends but before the story of your drinking.
keep it all in order, and it will all be okay.