Hold On And Never Let Me Go **(on hold till I don't know when)**

5. I'm worried for them

I rush from the airport as soon as I'm able. I hail a cab to the hospital where Pa is undergoing treatment. I check my phone to see if there are more missed calls or texts from Nan, but instead I find texts from my besties, they are all wishing me and Pa good luck, and they have told me not to worry much and take care of myself. I reply thanking them.

It's eleven thirty in the evening, they are still in the party, I think. They will soon get calls from their parents, telling them not to stay late for the night. It happens everytime we go to a party, or to club. Sometimes I wonder what it would have felt like to grow up with my own parents. I love my grandparents, there's no doubt in that, still, they are not my real parents. And ever since that accident, they have been treating me like I'm a fragile thing, that can break apart at the slightest touch. For them, my wish is command, literally. If they could, my grandparents would have brought me the moon. They love me so much, care about me so much, they try to cover me up from the harsh things in life, so much that sometimes I feel suffocated. After my parents died, and I myself barely survived that crash, I am the only thing they have left of their son and daughter-in-law, I'm also the only family they have left, as my uncle and aunt also died in the same crash. That was the darkest part of my life, also of my grandparents'. I was only ten, a little girl with no knowledge of the way of life and death.

Pa and Nan were heartbroken, I can't imagine what they would have done if I too had died with their both sons. Little Aurelia gave them a reason for moving on, and try again. I know they still miss mom, dad, uncle Zack and aunt Sarah. They don't own it, they hide their tears from me, but I know. Because I too hide my pain from them. I never shed a drop of tear in front of them, no matter what. Every year, on the anniversary of the crash, they go and visit the memorial, as does other grieving parents, and families. But I don't. I can't. I can't see the cross they made on the spot where the plane had crashed, I can't read the names of those who died that day, I can't remember those whom I had seen dying, light slowly fading from their eyes, I can't talk to the ones who survived just like me. Most of all, because I can't thank that woman who saved my life, who sacrificed her own life to embrace the angel of death that had actually come for me. I will never know her son, for whom she had cried in her last moments, her husband who was fighting cancer at the time. I'm glad Pa and Nan hid my identity after I was released from the hospital, they changed my name, even went to the extent of changing my history before that accident. Now no one knows about the real me, not even my bestfriends, as I only met them five years after the accident. And I am not one to share my deepest secret with anyone.

I run to the reception desk after exiting the cab. The woman there points me to the direction where Pa is admitted.

The elevator doors open on the third floor, and I see my Nan, waiting for me, facing the elevator. She is looking a bit relieved, which somewhat eases my anxiety.

"Oh, sunshine, you're here. I'm so happy to see you. Your Pa is out of danger, the doc said that it was not a major attack. They have shifted him to a private room. You can go see him now." she says without waiting for me to ask.

I take her hand and squeeze it.
"He's going to be just fine, Nan. He can't die before giving away my daughter on her wedding day. And we have lots of years left for that." she smiles patting on my shoulder.

"You have grown to be just like your dad. He used to say things like that."

Then mention of dad pinches somewhere in my chest, but I push it aside and return my attention to Nan.

"You are my wonder woman, have I ever told you that?" I ask her and she smiles, a big, goofy smile. Good sign, she is alright now along with Pa. I take her hand and move to the room where Pa is. Pulling the door open I motion her to come inside with me. But she shakes her head.

"No, you go now. I have already talked to him."

I close the door after me and see that Pa is looking at me.
"My baby is here." his voice croaked.

"Pa, I'm here. Please don't talk now, just rest. I don't ever wanna be that scared again. I thought I wouldn't reach you in time. I'm not taking risk again. Go to sleep now. I'll stay with you tonight."

There's a burning sensation in my heart, it's so tough to hide raw emotions inside even though I have been doing that for so long. I can't cry and show my weakness to Pa, or Nan. I have to be strong for them. If I can't, I still have to act like I'm. It's all about acting skills at this point of time. I know Pa is ready to die, to leave us, so is Nan. They are growing older by the seconds. If their children were alive it'd have been a different matter, but now they are ready to embrace the peace. Grief has made them incapable of enjoying anything that life has yet to offer to them. They have no wish left to be fulfilled except for my happiness. And I'm selfish enough to try to make them stay with me a little longer, to make them try to give me some more time with them.

I just don't want to be all alone, ever.

*****

Pa has been released from the hospital this afternoon, after staying there one more day for observation.

I had prepared his room in the morning for a warm welcome. I then drove him and Nan home from there. Now he is resting in his bed, and Nan is in the kitchen being Nan. According to her, as I'm back after a long time, and Pa is also better now, so she's going to pamper me, for the entire time I will stay here. I can't do anything except accept it, or she will throw a temper tantrum, like always.

After letting her settle in the kitchen, I go to the backyard, and dial Em's number, but it goes straight to voicemail. I try two more times with the same result. Then I call Maddie. She picks up on the fourth ring.

"Hey, Li, wassup? How's your grandpa? Is he out of hospital yet?"

"Yeah he's home now, just got released today. And everything's fine. How's it going there?"

"We are all doing great here. Don't worry about us. Just concentrate on your family. When will you be back?"

"Hmm, you are right. So, I'm going to stay here for the week. Mona, I mean the boss lady knows, so there's no problem with that. The grandparents miss me as I hadn't visited them for a long while. As Pa is alright, Nan is now on her mission 'feed Aurelia until she's fat' like a hippo. I'm so scared."
She laughs at that, but somehow I feel like her laugh is forced. An uneasy feeling comes to nag at my heart.

"Maddie, be honest. What's wrong? And why's Em's phone going to voicemail? Is there anything going on?"

She catches on to the worry in my voice,
"You are worrying for no reason, Li. We all are fine. Nothing's wrong here. Just stay there, take care of yourself and your family. We miss you. And love you."

"Yeah, will do. Miss you and love you too, girls. Take care. Bye." I disconnect, but the feeling is still there. Something is wrong, it has to be. Maddie wasn't sounding like her usual cheerful self. And Em's phone never goes to voicemail, on a weekday. There must be something that Maddie is not telling me. Though, I don't think I can do anything from here. I will have to wait till I get back.

If only I knew what had happened there!