Disappointment has become a revolving door.
- Hotel Books
Have you ever just looked in the mirror, like really looked, and felt nothing but disgust? At first you just look, not really paying attention. Then, something happens, you find that one thing that you don't like, and it sets off all the others. Now you're really analyzing everything.
Every. Single. Fucking. Detail.
You don't like how fat your cheeks are. You've got an uneven skin tone, bags under your eyes. The nose is huge, your smile is crooked. Huge eyes too big to be attractive and bushy eyebrows similar to a mans. "Ugly." You say, barely audible. Tears begin in your eyes and before you know it they are falling down your cheeks. After shedding a few, you look back in the mirror, this time it's different you dig deeper. You're staring back at yourself now looking into your eyes, they show all the pain and heartache you've ever felt, the anger, confusion, self pity, self hatred... Disappointment. You see it all.
HOLDEN
"My names is Holden, and I'm here because according to my parents, so called friends, doctors and whatever other morons, I'm depressed." I say. Some nod, some say "hello," and others did nothing but stare at me... Well not others just one person in particular.
"Well Hello Holden, we are happy to have you here with us," a man says. The girl who had been staring at me tsked and spoke.
"Oh Haides I'm more than sure that he as well as the rest of us, aren't happy to be here." He shook his head and smiled at her, " you may go first Cardena." She looked at him in disgust.
"Hello, for you that did not know before, my name is Cardena. I hate each and everyone of you so do not try and make friends with me. However, if you do, be aware that no good will come from it. I say and do as I please, you're feelings do not matter to me whatsoever. I, am here because of reasons similar to each of you...That is all." The entire time her beautiful eyes stayed on me.
After her the introductions continued, people introduced themselves, some expressed how they were feeling. I didn't care really, I just wanted to sleep. After a while, I was asked for my opinions on my current situation. Big mistake, they wanted my thoughts? I'll give it to them.
I smirked and began, " I have already said this but I'm Holden. Honestly...there is no reason for me to be here, or any of you for that matter. Think about it you're sent to a camp to stop being such a fuck up, but you're surrounded by people that are just like you, fuck ups. You're not getting away from it, you're surrounded by that shit. Stupid way to fix us if you ask me, Haides? Now let's get down to why I'm here. Depression they say, well I like to put it as me just thinking too much. I wouldn't say I'm sad, I just think about the negatives, the things I hate about the world, people and me. I will admit that I have some bad habits of letting those thoughts out, but everyone has their methods. You don't see people going to camp for smoking cigarettes, now do you? I'm not at all a people person so don't approach me, I will lead you on and make you think I care when in fact I don't."
Some kid across from me, sighed and said something along the lines of "we've got another one." Other than that, the room was silent. Cardena was still staring at me. Mr. Haides dismissed the others, and made me stay behind. Here we go...
"Holden, I must say you did so well on your first day.Talking out your problems is always a good start!" He shook his head, and laughed, "most of the others said nothing and just glared at me on the first day. Anyway," he handed me a room key, and my schedule. " I hope that the rest of your day will be just great."
He sounded so fake, I disliked it. No one sounded that cheerful, especially when they have to look after a bunch of suicidal teenagers.
