Perfect

Pefrect

"I have faith in what I see, now I know I have met an angel in person and she looks perfect / I don't deserve this, you look perfect tonight."

Alex can vividly see every single step that got her here, and she remembers them like the back of her hand.

She knows exactly how she took Tobin's old car to the hairdresser's when hers ended up with a flat tire this morning. She knows how she broke her phone screen at 5:59am trying to press the snooze button, accidentally dropping the poor device off of her nightstand. She remembers how Tobin laughed at her for spilling coffee all over her clothes and car seat.

She remembers the first time she met Kelley.

All game-hair muddy-jersey post game hand shake, the Bears worked their asses off only to get them handed over right back to them by the Cardinal, losing the college cup semifinal 4-1. How her gaze met the sharp hazel eyes under angular eyebrows, the then-forward's hair all over the place (kind of like her freckles, she remembers thinking). She remembers forgetting her anger for a second, forgetting the loss to the Cardinal, forgetting the Cal-Stanford rivalry. Kelley would say she remembers Alex forgetting her own name. Alex would fiercely deny that statement.

She remembers the first afternoon they spent together. Alex just got out of the shower, walking over to the gym only to see the Cardinal women's soccer team training. Realizing it was the other team's turn to use the facility, she turned to leave but soon felt a light touch to her shoulder blade. Turning around, she was met with a hazel gaze, a crooked smile and a freckled hand offering her a 5kg weight. They were the last two to leave the gym that day, Kelley's red Stanford jacket on Alex's shoulders. (Alex is still not sure how she has allowed that to happen, after successfully going through a "no red clothes" policy for a year and a half).

She remembers their first real talk. Their backs against Kelley's dorm wall in the farm, legs sprawled on the floor in front of them. Teary-eyed Kelley explaining she has no idea how to switch from offence to defense, Alex spilling about her last 7 games without goals. She remembers neither of them knowing what to tell the other to make her feel better, so they just settled for sitting there against the wall, Kelley's arm around Alex's back, Alex's face tucked into Kelley's neck. She remembers Kelley's smell. Her cold nose against Kelley's hot skin, Kelley's fingers comfortingly fiddling with the baby hairs on the back of her neck. She remembers feeling absolutely, completely and utterly understood for the first time in a really, really long while.

She remembers playing games. Running towards the net and away from her feelings. Hiding from her teammates. She remembers kissing Kelley so rough her knees gave up, she remembers being shoved up walls and having to layer extra foundation to hide the darkest of hickeys, remembers hiding spots, showers and locker rooms, hands in her hair, nails on her back.

She remembers waking up naked before sunrise to leave before the defender woke up. She remembers how hard it was for her to untangle herself from the strong, freckled arms. From warmth.

She remembers the first time she admitted to herself she felt something more than friendship towards the short Defender. Seeing the number 19 Sky Blue jersey with mud stains, Kelley sprawled on the ground, her leg in an unnatural angle, Alex wasn't thinking before sprinting over to the injured outside back. It didn't even occur to her that the audience did not expect a player in a red jersey to hold Kelley's hand until she heard the silence. She kept holding it.

Alex couldn't keep playing after she was pushed away by the medical team and Kelley was taken off the pitch. She was angry, shook up, and wasn't thinking straight. She was subbed out after earning herself a yellow card, sitting on the bench and trying to think about anything other than Kelley's broken expression when she realized it's going to be awhile before she would be back on the field.