How I lived my life ...

Why I don't like to be old

Why I don't like to be oldUnbelievable...what just happened ...how the hell I made 75 years,where is all these years gone.I think the first feeling is one of...surprise. When I was a kid, I wanted so bad to be an adult, to be a driver,get a house and drink whiskey with my wife while having the kids playing in the front of us. I'm glad that I did it.I wanted to be free but with what a price... the price that you will pay being an adult is...from there you will have to go old.For me,maturity was a process of trial and error, and even after I found a job, I wanted to stick with , I didn't like it in the beginning,but..someone said, to fake it till becomes reality,I tried to like that job,but I end up finding another, and at the second one,I meet my wife.Sometimes I'm looking in the mirror and I'm wondering who is this old man, is funny...you know,we always have an inner voice, and mine..didn't change at all,is like..I'm speaking to myself like in childhood,but..somehow I'm in another body.But..now, the only real way to see again the past is through some old pictures.I thought that I could conquer the world,but I end up creating my one, and this was more impressive,because in that way I was able to put life in my years.I had two kids, both of them made me cry when they were born, it was..kind of magic, I saw my legacy coming in this world live.When you get to a certain age, your parents and your friends start dying. That's why, if you don't have a family, you will feel like, the time is killing everything you love, you should have kids, because..in that way, you will be able to love something only because..is there...I remember,that...when I was a 15 , a teacher put me and the rest of people from my class to write a message to our old selves, ha..a future letter is like it was yesterday,...I will give my answer soon for that message.We all know intellectually that we are going to die, but when you start to lose people that you loved so much,that's when you start to feel the fear to die.Is only one way to keep yourself sane throw all these years, keep your mind busy, and exercise..exercise a lot,when you are older do it more.The most awful thing about being alive is to be sick , to have problems with your mind or your body,painfully ones.When you feel that your body becomes hard to be controlled and starts to hurt you every day, it will be a big hit, but...don't leave your mind to focus on things that you can't do anymore, focus on things that you still can do. Read, Write.. because .is a big chance to be able to do this your entire life.When I was in my mid forty,I wanted to suicide at 50..I didn't want to be known as an old man, but,I was too scared to do it, and even if are some days when I don't like this body, I'm still grateful to be alive,because..after all,to be alive is all we know.I'm happy because I made a theory about life,my theory. Because this universe is still growing, he can't let too much space being empty,so that's why I think that..he materializes himself,to be more precise , only a part of him, that's how the planets,the stars,animals and people are coming in this world. But the hardest thing for the universe is to materialize as a human being because in this way he became conscious about his existence,that's why always will be more stars than people because is hard to create something like us. Life is gift,a special one,and I'm grateful because I received it. Now I'm not scared about death anymore,because..after all, when we die, we are becoming again a part of this universe,who know...maybe next time I will be a star . Oh,yea..on that paper you asked me...If I lived..and now I want to answer to you,my young friend,Yes..I swear I lived.