You'll Never Know (Troyler Fanfiction)

Chapter Six (filler)

This chapter is dedicated to; Barkbark2025 for the writing the nicest thing that anyone has written me in a long while. You'll do great things love x (Also, I'm sorry this was kind of just an emotional type filler. But I have great things planned!!! Maybe you could consider this a long poem... haha) 

Also, if you read You & I, you'd know from my many authors notes, that I was struggling with depression. Well, it's back. I'm having my friend run my Twitter acc. for awhile but I need your guys' help. In the beginning of August, I posted a letter directed towards Luke Hemmings. My birthday, is November 6 and the day after that, I'm giving up on the letter. Basically, I need you guys to go to my Twitter acc (@lashtonruined) and rt/fav/read/tag luke in the link in my bio. It truly means the world to me and it would make me the happiest person on the planet. Thank you guys so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter. 

xoxo ~Emily

Tyler

How long had it been? How long had it been since I'd first felt that spark towards Troye? How long have I been holding it in? How long had it been so far down in my system, that it would probably never find its way out? And how much longer would it be, until it finally figured out the maze and blurted out of my mouth? 

Some say that everyone deserves a soul mate. Was Troye my soul mate? Was he? Or was I just completely infatuated with someone I had no chance with. Was I being completely incompetent at this point? Or was everything that was inside my brain, molding itself into one, right thing? Something so right that it could never be wrong. Nothing could break it. Could that one right thing, be Troye and I together? Could us being in a relationship, possibly have a chance of working? 

Even if it did, Troye had barely just arrived here. I couldn't just throw this on him. He wasn't here for too long, but maybe I could make the big reveal all dramatic. Like, just before he walks through the gates to his plane on the last day, I'll run up to him and kiss him passionately. All of my love for him, bundled up into one kiss that will say everything that I've wanted to tell him for a long time. I won't even have to recite my love for him in a terribly long novel like poem, because the kiss will tell him every single thing that I need him to know.

Would this scene happen, though? No. Probably not. 

Not too many people would ever understand how this felt. To be so, completely lovesick with someone that nothing else matters. That all you can focus on, is your love and compassion for that one being. Your heart continues to grow and grow from the amount of love piling into it that you're sure it will burst someday soon. At the same time, you feel heartbroken. Heartbroken because there's always that possibility of that one person, never feeling the same way towards you. Imagine telling them how you felt. Imagine pouring out every last drop of your feelings, and having them reject you.

Being in love is, in a way, very similar to being bi-polar. You have so many mixed emotions that you don't know wether to be upbeat and happy, or depressed to the point of shutting down. Every day was a rollercoaster for me. Every minute passing by would cause a whole new range of emotions. I wasn't sure how many more emotions I could take at once, before losing it and becoming completely numb. 

But you see, even while you're on that rollercoaster. Even while your emotions are being thrown everywhere like they don't mean anything.

It's still the most amazing ride of your life.