May contain triggers
can't look at sharp things. They make me do things to myself. I can't be around people. They scare me. I can't look at them i always look down when I'm around them. I can't look at streets or train tracks because i get suicide thoughts. With ropes as well. There's a war going on in my mind. Everything I do I hate it. I hate everything having to with me. I don't even know why I'm here. I just wish i could leave. My mind is winning the war. I have no escape. Music is my only escape but everyone hates my music. Silence is so loud i just want to listen to music forever. I hate school i hate people i hate food i hate life. I just hate everything. Everyone thinks I've gotten better...i haven't. Physically i have...im almost two weeks clean but in my mind I'm 0 seconds clean.Im hurting every second. I just need someone. Many people ask why i always say I'm not gunna have the love of my life it's because i will be dead by that time. I won't be alive. If i can't stand life right now i won't stand it later on. My bestfriend committed suicide and nobody knows. I haven't told anyone, i don't want to because they won't understand what I'm feeling. I'm just in a black tunnel that never ends i feel like I'll never see the light. There's just darkness in here.
So if i never update this story again it means I'm dead. This may take years so don't worry.
