Hello to you!
Alam kong pag nabasa mo ito, malalaman mong para sa'yo 'to.
Did you know that I have always been admiring you from afar? Highschool tayo nung una kitang makita. Napapalibutan ng maraming tao dahil napakasociable mong tao. Ang umagaw ng pansin ko ay ang maganda mong ngiti. Kasi pag ngumingiti ka, pati mata mo parang nakangiti din.
Since that day, I'm always stealing glances from you every chance that I get. You're one year older than me, so I got really sad nung grumaduate ka na. Natapos ang highschool na hindi man lang kita nakakausap, ang hirap kasing kumuha ng lakas loob e. Nakakahiya kaya.
So, sinundan kita sa university na pinapasukan mo. But, my heart broke when I saw you holding hands with some pretty girl. Isang taon lang na wala akong balita, may nakasungkit na agad sa puso mo. I always saw you two around campus. And day by day, slowly, I learned to accept your relationship with that girl
Kasi she's making you happy. I love to see you happy. Your relationship is adored by many kasi you're both very sweet, loyal and ang tagal nyo na din kasi, between two or three years na? At kasi, kahit you're both in a relationship, maganda pa rin ang performance nyo sa school. You are making each other as an inspiration and not a distraction.
So everyone is so shocked with the news of your break up. You two are like.. perfect with each other! You look devastated, broken, hurt and other words that are synonym to that. While I, on the other hand, was furious. Because I saw your ex with your close friend, kissing! That bitch!
As the days passed by, I made a decision. I'm going to befriend you. I'm going to make you smile, because I really missed it. You rarely smile na kasi because of what happened.. You really love her, didn't you?
I had a crush on you when I first saw you. I liked you when I first talked to you. I love you when I ask you to be mine. But I love you even more when we parted ways.
I became your friend, lagi akong nasa tabi mo. Isang tawag mo lang, nandyan na agad ako sa tabi mo. Nakikinig ako sa mga kwento mo tungkol sa kanya. Kahit masakit, go lang! Kasi dun ka masaya. Masaya ka pag inaalala mo lahat ng magaganda nyong alaala.
Nasasaktan ka pag naaalala mo ang lahat ng ginawa nyang panloloko sayo, pero mas nasasaktan ako. Mas nasasaktan ako kasi kahit ako lagi ang nasa tabi mo, ako lagi ang kasama mo, sya lang lagi ang nasa isip mo.
Binago ko ang personality ko para sayo, for me to become your sun when your life is full of darkness. Hindi naman cheerful ang personality ko e. I thought that I can be your anchor, kaso ikaw yung ayaw magpasagip. Ikaw yung ayaw umahon mula sa pagkakalunod sa nakaraan nyo.
She already has someone beside her even when you two are still together. While you, your still stuck on the time when you are both still together, happy and in love.
I'm so tired of waiting for you to move on. So I'm the one who's going to push you, for you to move. Even by force, I'm going to do it. That is my goal.
I caught you off guard when I asked you to be mine. Of course your shocked and confused. You said 'no' to me. And I expected that. But I am so stubborn, that I offered you to try things out with me. And finally, you said 'yes'.
Everyone's been talking about our sudden relationship. No one saw that coming. So they are probably shocked. I heard a lot of them, saying that I am just your rebound. That you're just using me to make her jealous.
It hurts hearing that from other people. Alam ko naman na yun e, at ako din naman ang nagpilit. I don't care kung ang labas ko ay rebound lang, na nagpapagamit lang ako sa'yo. Kasi totoo naman, I am very willing to be your rebound girl, and very much willing din to help you with anything.
Alam kong katangahan na 'tong ginagawa ko. Loving someone who doesn't have feelings for me even just a bit. Giving everything to you, even when I'm losing myself in the process.
I cried when you told me that you love me. But it is not tears of joy. It is tears of pain, because I know that your 'I love you' means something else. The love that you are offering me is not the kind of love that I wanted from you. I don't want a kind of love that you give for a friend, I want a love that is only for a special someone, for the one.
But that just clarify things, it is like the slap of reality to me, that I can't be more than friends with you, that your love for me can't be taken to the next level. And just like you, I'll be stuck with that level for probably forever, even if there's none. It is just so impossible for me to climb, only her can have your permision to be in that part of your heart.
I don't know why are you so in love with her. I ask you that one time, and you told me that you don't know. Even me, when I ask myself why did I love you so much, I don't really know the answer. I keep on questioning myself but always end up with the same answer. Maybe that's just love being magical. We love them so much but we do not know why we do.
We broke up because I wanted to. Hindi ko na kasi makilala ang sarili ko. Kung hindi ko pa titignan sa salamin ang itsura ko, baka akalain ko na ibang tao na ako. I lost myself in the process of healing you, in the process of pushing you forward. I keep on pushing you but you are restraining yourself to move.
Ako lang ang patuloy na mapapagod kung patuloy kitang itutulak kahit ayaw mo namang magpatulak, sasaktan ko lang ang sarili ko ng paulit ulit. Maybe I am not the girl for you. Let's just face the reality and accept the fact that I can't be the one that you needed. I can't be the girl that will make you move forward. And maybe I am not strong enough for the both of us.
I am badly hurting, but I doubt that you are feeling this way too. I feel hurt but relieved at the same time. I want to retrieve my old self back. Maybe I'll start by picking up the broken pieces of my heart. I will do it by avoiding you. Please don't be mad at me because of this. I need you to understand that I need to do it for myself.
When I already move on and we meet again, I want us to become good friends. Don't worry I will not forget about you. I can't, even if I would've want to. And first love never dies.
Lastly, I want to thank you for all the experience and lessons that you gave me. You made me felt a roller coaster ride of emotions. It's not all fun but thank you. Thank you sa lahat. And I wish that you can meet your the one sooner. I wish you all the happiness that you deserve. For the last time, I love you.
I will not look for someone like you, because I will definitely find a guy better than you. Ciao!
