Somebody To Love - Maylor/Deacury

9 - Hammer To Fall

Roger's POV

We spent our second week at Ridge Farm practicing and beginning to record Freddie's song, 'Seaside Rendezvous'. It was hard work, especially due to Brian's voluntary absence from the song leaving a bit of slack that needed to be picked up by the rest of us.

Speaking of Brian, the two of us had barely talked that week. Naturally, we didn't talk much in the studio as we were working on two separate songs, but things still felt different. Ever since we kissed, I hadn't been able to look at him the same way. For some reason, I always got a feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach when I remembered how he had reacted. That whole night now exists as a blur, but I could still hear Brian's voice clearly in my mind, "What are you doing?"

Sitting at my drum kit as we ran through the song, I found myself getting distracted as my eyes wandered towards the window of the booth. I could see Brian inside, sitting on the couch against the back wall with his guitar - the red special, as he called it - laying across his lap. He was working on one of his new songs, playing his guitar while singing softly. I couldn't hear him, but I could tell he was making progress when he paused to write something down, a hint of a smile on his lips.

He set down his pencil and continued to play, bowing his head forward just enough for his curls to frame his face perfectly. The way he could focus so intently on his playing while at the same time managing to make it look effortless was mesmerizing to watch. By now he had stopped singing and was focusing on his playing, biting his bottom lip slightly which gave me butterflies in my stomach. God, he was so handsome - any girl would be lucky to have him.

"Roger," Freddie stole my attention, letting his hands fall away from the piano as he looked at me with raised eyebrows. I stopped playing before John did as well, giving his final note a slide for good measure before clasping his hand over the strings to cut off the noise.

I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I apologized, "I know I was offbeat - I'm sorry."

"You weren't offbeat," Deaky explained, "You forgot to do your vocals."

I sighed, "Shit, I must have really spaced out." Lately, I had found myself spacing out a lot in the studio. I always tried to keep my personal issues from interfering with my performance, but recently that had proved to be difficult.

"Maybe we should call it quits," Freddie suggested, "It's getting late."

John nodded, "I'll go tell Brian." As we got ready to leave the studio, I couldn't help but feel like I had cut our practice time short. The fact that I had been so focused on Brian that I missed my cue entirely made me wonder. I wasn't... attracted to him, was I? I had kissed him, but I had been so drunk that I would have kissed anybody. Surely I didn't like my bandmate that way - if I were attracted to men I would have known by now. I hadn't been with a girl since we left London, so maybe it was just loneliness messing with my emotions.

I needed a distraction. I wanted to get drunk, but I wouldn't dare drink in the house after what happened last weekend. Luckily it was a Friday night, which meant the pub down the street would be open. Freddie had already left the studio, so I found Brian and John chatting in the booth. They looked over as I stood in the doorway.

"I'm going to the pub," I announced, "Does anyone want to come?"

Freddie's POV

I came into the house through the side door, which lead to the dimly lit kitchen where Paul was working on some paperwork. The door had barely closed before the manager spoke, "Mary called." His tone was bitter.

I tossed my jacket onto the edge of the counter, "She did? When?"

He looked up, letting the papers lay flat on the table, "An hour ago, possibly longer. She wanted me to ask you to call her back."

"Okay," I replied, a feeling of anxiety overcoming me as I went to the phone. When I dialed Mary's number, she answered on the second ring. "Hello dear."

"Freddie," my girlfriend sounded pissed, "Where have you been?"

I was taken aback by the edge in her voice. I chuckled nervously, "Honey, you know I was in the studio-"

"You told me you'd call at seven."

"I know," I explained, "But we weren't done rehearsing. I couldn't very well leave in the middle of a session!" I waited for her response and was met with silence. I spoke again, trying to lower the tension with a calm voice, "Paul said you called me earlier?"

"Yes," she spoke cooly, "But I think you already know what I'm going to say."

I was genuinely confused, "What?"

She took a pause before speaking, "Sometimes, Freddie, you act like I'm not important to you."

I felt a stab of guilt, "What makes you think that?"

"I just feel like..." she sighed, "You treat me more like I'm your friend than your girlfriend. I mean, we haven't seen each other in two weeks and that doesn't bother you?"

"I thought you were okay with doing long distance while I'm away with the band?" When she didn't respond right away, I continued, "I miss you like crazy, but two weeks is nothing compared to how much time we're going to be here for."

She got quiet, "I know."

I wanted to comfort her, but it was difficult over the phone, "We'll make it work, okay? Maybe I can come home for a weekend to split up the time."

"Okay," she sounded less hostile, but still cold, "Well, I should go now. I have to work tomorrow."

"Wait - can I say hello to the cats?"

She sighed, "Freddie, it's late. I have to wake up early tomorrow..."

"Okay," I paused, "I love you, Mary." I waited for her to say it back. Silence. I could hear her hang up the phone, and the line went dead. I stood there in disbelief, an overwhelming quiet interrupted only briefly by the sound of the side door opening and closing. I was still standing there with the phone held to my ear when Brian appeared at the end of the hallway.

He saw me at the phone and apologized politely, "Oh, sorry!" I finally hung up the phone, indicating that it was all his to use, and started walking back towards the kitchen. "Fred," the guitarist spoke with concern, "Are you okay?"

I paused, "Yes, I'm fine."

He knew I was lying, "Are you sure?"

I answered with a forced smile, "Don't worry about me, darling." Met with a look of worry, I left before he had a chance to reply. I needed a moment alone, so I went outside. My eyes took a moment to adjust to the dark as I wandered over to a lawn chair. I sat alone with my thoughts, glad for the slight breeze which made the summer humidity more bearable. Had I not been so tense, it would have been quite peaceful.

I let my mind wander. I couldn't stop thinking and feeling guilty about the way Mary doubted how much I cared for her."You treat me more like I'm your friend than your girlfriend" - did she really mean that? The fact that I might be treating her this way hadn't crossed my mind.

I heard the door open and I sighed, reaching into my pocket for my pack of cigarettes. I had already put one between my lips before realizing I didn't have a lighter. I must have left it in my jacket pocket.

"Need a light?"

I looked over to find our manager standing beside me, offering me his lighter with an outstretched arm. I nodded, lit my cigarette, and handed it back. We sat there in silence for a moment, neither one of us sure what to say. I took a long drag before finally speaking, "Where are the others?"

"Brian called a taxi," Paul explained, "They're going to a pub. Should be gone soon."

I nodded. Glancing up, I caught the man looking at me. His eyes trailed down to my lips, revealing his true intentions. My heart sped up.

I couldn't let this happen. I was still with Mary, and I didn't want to hurt someone I cared about so deeply. Then I remembered our conversation. She had said nothing in return to my "I love you", and hung up without saying a word. In that case, maybe I could allow a one time fling...