The Thing

At the scene of a crime, police were interviewing witnesses, but were having trouble with one particular witness. He didn't give them an attitude; speaking freely but not rudely, and waiting into the late hours of the night until two officers could come over and talk to him. One officer holding a sketchbook, yet both listening as the man gave a detailed description of the perpetrator.

"So, he was this guy, right? Kind of tall, kind of short. He looked like, you know. He had this thing about him. He wore one of those one things, those things you see in one of those catalogs. He had like light brown, blond, red hair. He had a thing on his ear. There was like a thing, like a spot on his face. He looked like a young guy in his forties. He wore a jacket with gloves and a shirt underneath. A shirt under his jacket not the gloves. Also, he had a gun about as big as those one things. He looked liked that one actress who was in the news for the drugs and stuff. I say actress because he was kind of effeminate looking. Not to say he looked bad or like a girl or weird or anything. He was a handsome guy. I'm straight so I'm not afraid to say something like that, which reminds me that he wore jeans, but not tight jeans but the not tight jeans."

"So, loose?" One of the officers said.

"Yeah! That's it. He has had like a..." The witness snapped as he tried to remember more details.

"Did you get any of that?" The officer asked the other who drew on the sketchbook.

This officer just looked at him, because what did he have to get? While interviewing him, they had to get someone else to talk to the other witnesses to confirm if this guy was really at the scene of the crime. Truth is, he saw the whole thing.

Meanwhile, detective Conley Dilhard, who was known around the force for being a racist, walked over to the officers and witness, asking "Was it a black guy?"

"He was kind of black, kind of a guy. I can't really say he was a black guy. He was but he wasn't if you know what I mean. He was black but not black black. Kind of black black but not really black black black. Like black and black. Black and black but black and black but black yet black but not that kind of black but kind of that black sort of black. Like, I'm sure if you put him in a line up with twelve or fifty other black guys then he probably wouldn't be the blackest guy in the room, but he'd be a pretty black guy. Actually, I think he was white."

Detective Dilhard just looked stunned and decided to turn around and drive home. Upon arrival of the very next day, he filed for retirement.

One of the officers cleared their throat before continuing the investigation. "Can you remember anything else?"

"The guy," The witness lifted a hand high above his head. "he had, you know, the thing?"

"You mean The Thing from the Fantastic Four?"

"Yeah, that's the one!"