I collapse onto my bed as soon as I get to my room; this day was exhausting. After Odessa and I left the mall, we went to a couple of thrift stores and boutiques, yet we still didn’t find anything for me to wear. I’m actually really stressed out about it. I know it won’t matter to him when I finally meet him, but first impressions are important. I’m too tired to think about it now, though. The best thing for me right now is rest. My feet feel like they’re about to fall off, my head has a constant dull thudding, and a thousand and one thoughts are bouncing around my head.
“Ding”
I sigh for a good ten seconds before finally checking my phone. It’s Adam.
Hey, how did the shopping go today?
Horribly, I didn’t find a single thing even though we went to five shops!!!
Oh, that sounds rough. I’m sorry. Are
you going to keep looking?
I don’t know. I want to but it feels like I’ve looked everywhere
I’m not sure if
I’ll be able to find anything.
I should have started looking waaaaayyyyyyy earlier…
Yeah. Look, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. I promise you he won’t give a single damn about what you’re wearing. He’ll love you even if you’re wearing rags.
How can you be sure???
He’s your soulmate, he has to. It wouldn’t make sense if he didn’t. When has someone ever gotten a soulmate that didn’t love them back?
Ya, ig you’re right…
I’m gonna go to bed now, I feel like I might pass out if I try to keep myself awake any longer
Okay. Love you, goodnight.
Love you too
Goodnight
Three blue hearts pop up on my screen, and I return it with three more. This is a thing we have; the blue hearts. They have to be blue. I have a certain heart for each friend. Odessa is purple, Gabe is blue. Telling each other, “I love you” is also a thing with us, too. I think it’s so stupid how people of the opposite sex can’t be friends and say “I love you” without people getting weird about it, or assume that you guys are soulmates. I can tell my female friends I love them, and it’s completely fine, but not my guy friends. I hate it, and I refuse to follow that mindset.
I set my phone down on my nightstand and kick my shoes off, not even bothering to get my pajamas on. Even in my exhaustion, I couldn’t fall asleep for hours. Depression does that to you.
********************
Five days, 11 hours, 37 minutes and 44 seconds. I check my clock as soon as I wake up. I'm restless. I can't think straight. It seems like every five minutes I'm checking the time again, even when I know it's not going to hit zero for almost a week. I need to keep my mind off of it. I know; I'll call Gabe and see if he wants to take a walk.
I love taking walks. Most of the time, I walk alone, but occasionally it's nice to walk with a friend. Walking alone helps me to calm and relax. I put my earbuds in and get lost, both in town and in my own mind. I don't think about anything, I just walk, and walk, and walk, until my surroundings become unfamiliar, then I walk some more, and then I find my way back home. I'll walk for hours on end, and usually only return to my house when my parents call and tell me to.
I pick up the phone and call Gabe. He doesn't pick up. I didn't think he would. As good a friend as he is, he's terrible at texting back and answering calls. I was actually surprised that he texted back these past few days, and I was really surprised when he texted me first last night. Occasionally, though, he'll go through a period of time, usually about a week, that he'll answer back. Or maybe it's not that. Maybe it's because I'm stressed, and he knows I really need him right now. Either way, he's not answering now, so I'll walk alone.
I rummage through the pile of laundry on my rocking chair and find a t-shirt, sweatpants, and a mismatched pair of socks. I through them on, and before I leave, head to the kitchen to get some food and to tell my parents that I'll be out. My dad is sitting at the table, drinking his coffee as he does every morning.
"Good morning."
"Good morning sweetie."
"Can I go for a walk?"
"This early? It's not even noon. Why don't you wait until after lunch?"
"But-"
"Sweetie, I'm too tired for this. Just wait."
"Fine." I huff. I really don't get why he cares so much. He tells me all the time that I'm on my phone too much, and that I need to spend more time outside exercising, but when I try to take a walk, it's apparently too early, and he doesn't let me. I don't get what he wants from me.
I go over to the fridge, open it, look around for something, and then realize that I'm not hungry. Its been like this for weeks. My body is so hungry I feel nauseous, but I myself just don't feel the urge to eat. And other times, I want to eat, but my body just isn't hungry. If I try to force myself to eat, it makes me nauseous. I feel stuck. My parents get mad at me for it, but its not my fault. I can't control it. My mother tells me I have to make myself eat small things, like peanut butter crackers and popcorn. My dad just gets frustrated with me. None of it helps. They don't understand. I wish they could. I'm going to make myself eat a sandwich, just so it will make my dad happy so I can go on my walk.
"What time is it?" I ask.
Dad checks his phone. "10:48"
"Okay, thanks."
I think of my clock and look down at it. Five days, 11 hours, 21 minutes, and three seconds. I need to find a way to stop this. I run to my room and grab a pen. I mark two tallies onto my wrist; one for each time I checked my wrist timer this morning. I'll use the count later. I'll train myself not to do this; I need to learn…
YOU ARE READING
Broken
RomansaBroken follows the story of Tira, a teenage girl who, like everyone else in her world, is born with a clock on her wrist that counts down to the time she meets her soulmate. Unlike other people, however, her clock stops ticking. For a while, she thi...
