Presenting Megan Freelove's random thoughts about life

A Silent Scream

I have a silent scream inside of me. Just begging to get out.

But I hold it in.

Every once in a while I wonder.

Wonder what it would be like to lead a life so wonderful that it would be fit for a king.

I have a great life sure but sometimes I wonder.

My mother. A wonderful woman. My best friend, my life. She's always there for me even when I don't deserve it.

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But sometimes I wonder.

What if she were a queen and I a princess?

What if we got everything in life we wanted?

My mother deserves the whole world.

Sometimes for her, I wish we could get everything we ever wanted

But we don't.

We aren't relatively poor but we aren't rich either.

We live our life the best we can and I love it. Most of the time.

I have a silent scream deep within me, begging to get out. But I hold it in.

Day in day out it's the same. Go to school, come home, go to bed.

At school... At school is a different story.

School is a place where it's eat or be eaten.

It's a jungle of different people.

There's the kings and queens of the forest. The ones better than everyone else and they know it.

They stand high above us all and reign mercilessly. The weak fall and the strong grow before them.

They are the rulers, the tyrants, the bullies.

They don't know what they do to people.

I have a silent scream inside of me. Begging to get out.

But I hold it in

There are the lone wolves. The ones that know if they keep to themselves they'll be safe, they'll survive.

They don't speak to many and they are silent. But mighty.

They're the ones who last.

I have a silent scream inside of me. Begging to get out.

But I hold it in.

Then there's me.

I stand in the middle of it all. I'm not particularly popular but I'm well known.

The bullies, the tyrants come down on me harshly but I try to survive. I may hurt but you'll never see it.

Sometimes when I'm alone I cry. And I cry. And I cry.

But I never let it out.

That silent scream building up inside of me. Day in day out.

Life changes, life happens.

Friends become distant, hearts break, life happens.

Still I survive.

Usually on wit. Sometimes on courage.

Mostly on hope.

Hope for my rock. My shelter. My home.

Hope for someone to love me. For me. Not for someone I'm not.

Hope that one day I'll walk into that jungle to meet a warm smile and a new beginning.

But I remain the same.

I have a silent scream inside of me. Begging to get out. But I hold it in.

Disappointment comes and it goes.

Sometimes I try to convince myself to hope. To believe but I'm just lying.

Day in day out I die a little more but I hold on.

I put on a happy face

I laugh

I smile

I'm there for my friends

They're there for me

But inside.

I'm falling.

Falling off that cliff of sanity

Slowly falling into an abyss of nothingness

A void of emotionless silence

One that can be broken by none.

But I survive.

I survive on optimism, the limelight of my life.

I love my mother. I always have. I always will. She is my home.

I love my life. But sometimes. I don't.

I have a silent scream inside of me.

Building up

Begging and begging to escape.

But I hold it in.

I hope so hard for the pain to go away

But it's torturing me

I can't get it out.

I won't let it out.

I have a silent scream growing deep inside of me.

Begging to get out.

I hold it in.

But one day.

Some day.

It

Will

Get

Out.

And you'll hear it.