Tuqburni

Yoongi's POV - The Aftermath

Yoongi watched her leave the apartment feeling as though a piece of himself was going with her. He went to the front window and moved the curtain aside to follow as she walked to the parking lot and entered her car. After a few moments of the car not moving, he knew she was in there crying.

He pressed his forehead against the window, the coolness a blessed relief for his growing headache. Jimin was in the bedroom, so with no one here to see him, he let his tears fall.

He knew what they both thought. That he had kicked her out in a fit of rage because he was a fucking asshole like that, and he guessed in a way he was, but not like that. He was annoyed that she'd told Jimin, sure, but he would never have been that cruel to her. He didn't want her to leave, he just thought this was best for her. He knew that she hasn't been truly happy in some time and he saw the opening and took it, setting her free in a way that she wouldn't blame herself. This way she could blame and hate him and he would deserve every bit of it.

He heard the engine start up and watched as she pulled away, catching a single glance of her side profile as she drove away. At least he knew that she'd be safe at Jin's and they would take care of her.

Yoongi slumped to the ground and drew his knees up to his chest, laying his head on them while he broke down. He didn't even care anymore that Jimin could probably hear him in the bedroom. It hurt so fucking bad and all he wanted to do was chase her down and bring her home.

Suddenly arms wrapped around him and fingers threaded through his hair, and he raised his head to look into the red-rimmed eyes of a concerned Jimin.

"Why? Why did you do that?" he asked quietly.

"It's better this way. I can't keep hurting her, Jimin. I dragged her into this and I feel like a monster. She thinks I can't see how miserable she is, even if things have gotten better," Yoongi sniffs and rubs his nose on his hoddie, shaking his head dejectedly.

"I know I did this all wrong. I know I haven't been fair to either of you. I tried to fool myself into believing that I could make everyone happy, but I can't. I can't figure out how to make things fair for both of you. I know I should have been content with what I had with her, but having you back was like a dream come true. You are my everything - but so is she. I never knew I could do it, but I love you both the same. I just don't know how to get you guys to see it."

"Now, why couldn't you have just said that to her?"

"I don't know," Yoongi mumbles miserably.

Jimin sighs. "Alright, well why don't you tell me how would wish you would have answered her question? Or at least tell me what your plans were for the future before I came and ruined everything."

"I - I was gonna propose at Christmas. And we both have tons of vacation time saved up so I was going to take her to Scotland for a honeymoon because she's obsessed with that time travel show. I've actually had the ring for two years."

"That's beautiful, hyung. I'm sorry I messed things up for you."

"It wasn't on you, Jiminie."

Yoongi sighs and grasps Jimin's hand in his, trying to draw some comfort from the other whether he deserved it or not. He notices the exact moment Jimin realizes what the faint scars on his wrists are, now that he knows what he had done.

"Are these - " Jimin whispers as he pulls Yoongi's wrist closer to his face to inspect it. "This is how you did it?"

"Yeah. I didn't do it right, thankfully. You know, she's the one that found me? She saved me and then stood by me while I healed. Listened to me and encouraged me for months. Took a chance on me even when she knew how messed up I was. And I repay her like this."

"You don't feel like doing it now?"

"No. It's...different. A different situation. When you left I felt...lost. Alone. Unwanted. Unnecessary. Also, I was drunk as hell and not in my right mind. I figured I was a waste of space and no one wanted me so why stay? I still hurt the same now. The thought of never getting to hold her or wake up next to her ever again is painful, but I know she'll be happier this way, so that helps. All I want is for her to be happy. Even if it's not with me. Fuck, I wish it was me though."

"That's probably the healthiest thing I've heard you say in a while, hyung," Jimin teased, despite the slow falling tears on his cheek.

Yoongi snorts, followed by a small smile when Jimin places a gentle kiss on his wrist before releasing it. Yoongi reaches up and wipes the tears away with his thumb.

"If it helps, I don't like her being gone anymore than you do. That's part of why I was so upset. Because I...well, I fell in love with her, hyung. I didn't understand at first how you thought this was going to work, but the more I got to know her the more I understood your desperation to do so. She's an incredible woman."

Yoongi nods and smiles gently. "She's easy to love. I understand."

He falls back into silence as another wave of despair hit him. He wanted to go lay down and mope, but the thought of being in the bed without her there and the sheets carrying her scent tore him up inside.

"Do you think I made the right choice? Telling her to leave?"

"I think the way you went around it was shitty, but I think some space will be good for all of us. If she knows you as well as I do, she knows that you lash out the most when your feelings overwhelm you."

Yoongi hums in agreement, knowing that was one of his more shitty qualities.

"Look, I love you and you love me, and we both love her. We have the potential to make this work if we just stop being dumb. You need to learn to put your feelings out there. We can't read your mind and unfortunately you picked two partners that need constant reassurance and need to hear what you think. Me, I need to grow some balls and tell her how I feel. Maybe if I had she wouldn't have felt so unwanted. If we come somehow get to a place where she's willing to come home, we need to work on our communication"

Jimin suddenly brightens and stumbles to his feet.

"What are you doing?" Yoongi asks, eyeing Jimin warily as the other rushes to throw on his coat and shoes. "Are you leaving too?"

Jimin glances back sharply, raising an eyebrow. "Not like that, hyung. I just had an idea. And I remembered I have a date!"

"I don't really think she's going to be in a date mood. Jiminie."

"I know, but we can't just let her stew all night thinking she's been thrown away. I have an idea and I want to talk to her about it. I don't want to lose her either, hyung."

"Alright," Yoongi mumbles and stands up, placing a tentative kiss on Jimin's cheek.

"I love you, Yoongi. And so does she, remember that. I'll be back soon, okay? Just take a shower and go have a nap. I'll bring you home some food."

Yoongi nods and watches as Jimin leaves, his anxiety making him freak out over both of them leaving despite Jimin's reassurances.

He does as Jimin suggested on autopilot, showering and getting changed into sweats while trying to keep his mind blank. It was only as he crawled into bed and laid on her scent-soaked pillow that the tears rushed to the surface again.

How many nights had he lain in this bed wrapped around her, dreaming about his ring on her finger and her belly swollen with his children? When Jimin had come along, he still wanted that but he didn't know how to make it work without hurting someone. She'd still always been in the picture though, as he was unable to imagine a future where he was happy without her in it.

He knew he was selfish and often an asshole, sometimes a coward. But he loved her and Jimin with everything he had, and he hoped he'd have a chance to prove it.