A Blurred Mind

Questions, Questions, and More Questions

Everyone was hustling to get out of class. Max and Skylar wished me good luck before hesitantly walking out. Which now left me and my dad.

"Addison," He began, rubbing his temples. "You need to stop daydreaming if you ever want to go to college and get a job as a scientist." I slumped even further no longer embarrassed, but annoyed. I've never wanted to be a scientist. I've already told him I don't know what I want to be yet.

"I don't want to be a scientist," I mumbled.

"What?" My dad asked, annoyed.

"Nothing," I said, rolling my eyes. My dad let his shoulders and head droop down.

"Listen," My dad began. "I need you to work with me. I've been told that I have a week left here and then I'm gone." My eyes widened and I looked up at my dad.

"What!" I exclaimed. 

"I know I'm surprised too," My dad continued. "You and I need to work together."

"We can ask mom for help," I offered. "I know you guys haven't talked in a while, but maybe she would help since I'm with you!"

"Your mom would never help us!" My dad barked, making me jump. "She doesn't want anything to do with us!" I stared dumbfounded. My dad has never yelled at me before. I really must be doing bad. Just thinking about it made me sink into my chair.

"Look your gonna be late for your next class," He stated with a smile. I nodded still confused and shocked. I got up and left. I was trying to process what had happened. He was so angry at one moment, but then perfectly happy the next? This is all so confusing and giving me a headache. I'm just glad my last class is study hall and then I can go home.

...

Study hall ended up going by quite fast. I mean I was just goofing around and talking with Skylar since we are in the same study hall. I didn't tell her what happened earlier. I might later with Max. I really want to figure out what is going on before I tell them. 

I began to think deeply about what we are going to do as I stared at my dad who is currently driving us home. He gives me a quick glance before staring back at the road.

"Whats on your mind?" He asked in his usual kind of voice.

"Why did you and mom get a divorce?" I blurted. I immediately regretted what I said as my dad went silent. My dad pulled over to the side of the road and parked.

"Things happen," He replied in a harsh tone.

"Like what?" I pried. I really never talked to my mom. To be honest it's like I've never met her.

"SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE PART OF OUR FAMILY!" He yelled, hitting the steering wheel. I backed into the door, scared of his sudden anger. "Did you know she also did drugs! You aren't safe around her!"

I was frozen. I couldn't moved. Did I do something to my mom in the past to make her hate me so much? Why am I now hearing about her doing drugs? Did she ever love me? I was questioning so many things in my head. One really stood out of all the others. Who is my mom?

My dad stared at my frozen, lifeless body. He then put a hand on my shoulder.

"Ad," He said softly. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

Cry? I'm crying? I questioned myself, putting a hand to my face to feel the wetness seeping from my eye.

"How about ice cream when we get home?" He asked in a much happier tone. He got back on the road and continued to drive us home. I still didn't moved. I'm still so shocked with this new information and my father's anger. The fact he can switch from happy to angry and then right back to happy in the matter of minutes scares me. Maybe I should talk to my friends tomorrow about it.

...

That night I couldn't sleep. I was still scared from earlier in the car. I decided to get a drink of water and then trying again to go to sleep. I wasn't even a few feet out of my bedroom when I heard my father speaking from his bedroom. Out of curiosity, I put my ear to his door to listen. 

"I'm gonna lose my job within the week Kaylor!" I heard him plead. "How am I supposed to take care of Addison!"

Next was a few minutes of silence.

"I've only ever used the money you sent for her," He said, annoyed. Again with the silence. "Thank you! Thank you! I promise to only use that money on Addison."

I heard rustling inside the room and took it as a sign to leave. I darted to my room just in time. My dad walked into my room and saw me laying on my bed. I assume he thought I was asleep because he eventually left, shutting the door behind him.

I don't know what to make of with that call. I know who Kaylor is. She is my mom. I'm glad he took my advice, but I wonder exactly how many times has he called my mom for money and why did he have to mention that he'd only use the money on me? Just today alone I've had so many questions that still are in need of answering. Hopefully I'll figure out these mysteries.