Chaos' Army, The Soldiers From the Past

Omega and Flashbacks

3/16/16

HEY GUYS! Wow! It's been over a year and a half since I started this book, and definitely over a year since I archived the book. I was rereading the first chapter, excited because it has become so big (THANKS TO YOU GUYS) and I realized my writing sucked. It was not detailed, or mature. If you read my non-fancitions on my account PeculiarBindings you will be able to tell that this is some of my worst writing.

And I realized how stupid the plot holes and stuff are.

So I am going through and rewriting/editing the book. I may change things around and stuff, and I may make a different ending...mwahaha.

I would love the feedback on if this new revised chapter is better. I barely did any improvements, but I went more into Percy's head.

I ran through the barren wasteland, purple fog swirling around me. My sword cut into my sweaty palm, as I ran away from the Nevian Castle of the World Klinton. It was a towering dark ridicule castle, half bombed-the craters took out a whole side of the castle. Three...two... run faster...one.

Immense heat hit me in my back, but it didn't hurt, I looked behind me at the castle engulfed in red flames, debris falling from the explosion. The castle for once seemed to reveal itself as sinister. The crippled building was now ashes that resembled broken souls.

I guess the aliens don't know about TnT. I laughed humorously at the blown up castle, no one attacks Chaos's main fortresses.

The Knlintons are one of the darker creatures of the galaxy, personally I consider Earth to be the most backstabbing evil planet, yet no one except for my new best bud Luke agrees with me. We both went through hell on earth, me literally, I fell into Tartarus... with...with her, I hate that daughter of Athena. Once I was pledged as commander of Chaos' army I vowed never to return to that filthy planet.

Flashback(sorry I know its not original)

I was sitting on the boardwalk, the water splashing evenly on the pillars. I sighed as the dusk hues shimmered over the ocean. I wish I could say being by the water relieved me, but it stained me with regret.  This used to be my favorite spot, I'd sit here with Annabeth. Annabeth made me forget of everything that is wrong, her words of wisdom soothed me. Except now it seems she forgets about everything that is right with the world- with us-. She says she has just been very busy, and that she loves me, but it something else. I heard footsteps behind me, large footsteps.

"Hello, Percy," a boy's voice says,the voice was acrid, almost a pig's snort.  I don't look behind me I know who it is. It is my half-brother, yes I have a half-brother, and I hate him. First he shows up being chased by creature and oh...yeah I save his filthy but. Then he pushes me to the ground and claims, I should've helped him and not left him to kill those creatures. Everyone believed he killed all of them and I just stared and watched. Annabeth, Nico, Thalia, Grover and even Clarisse believed my side of the tale though, yet my other friends considered me a wimp. They didn't shun me or anything they just weren't as nice. I didn't care, it barely bothered me.

"Lander," I said tersely, he only scowled.

"My name is Darring," he said sternly, I laughed to myself. But the only out-loud laughing was his jeers at me.

He goes by the name Darring, but his real name is Lander, whenever I call him that or do the slightest thing he doesn't like he begins to fake cry making me look like I was "bullying him,"

"Can you leave, or get out of my life," I snarled. He only neared me; his hands grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me to my feet. Instinctively I turned, facing him, we were nose to nose. He has Dad's sea green eyes yet his hair is rather brown and shorter than mine. He wears his camp Half-blood t-shirt with no sleeves to show how "Tough" he is. He can't sword fight well, but no one dares to challenge him because he is "too great".