Clash of Colors

Holes

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Uncle Jaejin left right after breakfast to run some errands leaving her with Aunt Youngja. Dishes had been cleared. The kitchen sink was running. The mother was humming cheerily to herself while scrubbing dishes. From the table Namjoo was currently wiping with a damp cloth she watched Hyejoo's other mother.

Broken, everyone would say. Living in an illusionary bubble that could not be popped. Namjoo was sad for her, but she also did not want to be here. It felt wrong still. Unjustified, even after bringing the woman back from the hospital and thinking she should be better to her.

As if she had sensed her eyes, Aunt Youngja looked over her shoulder. A pretty but fragile smile danced across her lips. Glad to see the look-a-like daughter. Namjoo nearly flinched from the too happy eyes. It felt as if the woman had trodden on her inner thoughts.

"Should we go through the picture book later?" she suggested.

"Huh?" Namjoo murmured surprised. Coming to her senses to react normally, she pushed on a smile, "Yes. I'd like that."

It would be interesting to see what kind of memories Hyejoo had made here with her artificial family. Namjoo also wanted to know how her twin had lived. How this family had treated her like their own, and if it had been why she hadn't come back to her split-up family.

No, they weren't a perfect family. Her parents had their differences, but they were good people. As her father said, sometimes things just don't work out the way you expect it to. Namjoo never held any animosity for her mother, and also, she had been too young to think differently when her mother took Hyejoo with her.

Mother and fake daughter settled into the living room in front of the silent television. Aunt Youngja pulled out a fat picture book. The dark black corners were unraveling, the entire cover worn and fading. How many times had the woman flipped through this book just to relive memories long gone?

Once more, Namjoo's heart throbbed for the woman. What did true grief feel like? Surely it was unlike the hollow emptiness Namjoo had experienced upon discovering Hyejoo was no longer alive. A sister she had grown up with but no longer knew. What right way was there for her to grieve?

But...but Aunt Youngja had raised Hyejoo.

Namjoo stared into the growing creases in the aging woman's face. The skin becoming fragile, paper thin over time. One day she probably hoped to reunite with her daughter on the other side.

"You were so adorable here," Aunt Younga's voice drew her back to the present.

Namjoo stared at a younger Hyejoo riding a two-wheeled bike for the first time. Sporting a Barbie helmet. A younger face so similar to hers.

"See right there?" she pointed to her bandaged knee. "You cried so hard when you fell down a few days earlier you wouldn't try to ride again, but then you stubbornly wanted to try again." Looking at her, she asked, "Do you remember?"

Namjoo soaked in the picture then glanced at the woman. Eyes expecting the only acceptable answer. Another pretentious smile and she said, "I remember."

Smiling so happily she flipped the page showing her a school photo. Telling her stories of how she fought that morning because mother had made her wear pigtails she hated. She had cried all the way to school so angrily. Again, another story of her accepting an award at a speech contest. The teacher had praised her endlessly. Saying she was the smartest of the entire school.

"We were so proud of you!" Aunt Youngja beamed.

More stories of her on her first date. A photo of her a brown-haired city boy posing in front of the house awkwardly before going to see a movie. Hyejoo's first romance. As Aunt Youngja's voice faded, Namjoo wondered if Hyejoo had been happily in love; if she had experienced the sincerity of it at least once before she passed. Did her boyfriend treat her well? There were so many things Namjoo wanted to know. Suddenly wondering how nice it would be if she had found Hyejoo alive. They could talk for hours on end about so many things. Sharing experience, gossip about boyfriends, complain about parents and friends, wonder about the future together.