Clash of Colors

Losing You

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It must have been hard, Namjoo wanted to say. I'm sorry I found you too late. I hope you had a good life and you were happy.

When they arrived at the graveyard that morning, Namjoo thought it was unfair her sister's resting place was so far away. But when she remembered her mother lived nearby, it must be a comfort for her sister.

Uncle Jaejin and Aunt Youngja had paid a good price for a decent plot at a private church cemetery. Reserved for faithful believers and relatives. Burying Hyejoo instead of cremating her. So that they had a resting place to come back to. So that Hyejoo could rest in peace without regrets. So that one day when her family came to find her, they could come see her.

That day was today.

At the head was a gray tomb with an angel figurine on top. Park Chunhei instead of Kim Hyejoo. It didn't feel right looking at her sister's grave with another's name. It felt unjustified. What would her parents think?

Placing the bouquet of roses on the bed of grass Namjoo silently paid her respects to the sister she had lost touch with. What kind of woman had she become in her short-filled life? Had she laughed a lot? Did she have boyfriends? Had she wanted to get married to a particular someone?

Things Namjoo would never know, and would always ache to know.

"Will you be returning home after this?" Hyunjae wondered on the drive to the store. Her items were packed in his car. Before leaving for the station, she had wanted to pick something up for her father. A nice gift to make up for her long absence.

The daunting fact that he was her only family made her cherish him more. How much had he worried about her without sharing it with her? How many times had he chosen not to give up on her when she was just a child? Never complaining when she didn't do something he asked. Always rising before the sun to cook breakfast for her. Set the table so she could eat comfortably. Give her allowance so she would never be short on money. Provide her with what a girl wanted so she would never feel like the odd one out.

Her father who looked after her always. Her father who would cry tears of blood for her.

She should have realized earlier that no one could replace who her father was to her. He would never leave her behind.

Father who had raised her alone. How hard it must have been for him.

She should have left for home sooner. Just thinking about him welcoming her home with his big smile that spoke a million words made her want to cry.

Her father should have always come first.

"Yea," Namjoo replied staring out the window.

"That's good," Hyunjae commented. "You should go home. Your father probably misses you more than he will say."

The high-rise buildings clustered together like a distorted puzzle drifted by in gray blurs. A color so sad and dull. Every bright color fading into the distance when her eyes met with the ordinarily blue sky.

She was sorry to Sehun that she wouldn't give her father up for him. She hoped he would understand if she left without seeing him.

That she needed some time to cope, too. Deal with her own sense of loss and think of what to tell her father when she saw him. How they would forge through the onslaught of sadness together. Namjoo wanted the time to think.

About the mess. What they would do with Aunt Youngja and her family for taking Hyejoo without formally reporting her.

A headache throbbed against her skull. The mere thought of Hyejoo brought with it too much pain. Closing her eyes, she waited for them to reach their destination.