harry man || hazza parody

1

harryʼs p.o.v.

damn it jeans. they are too tight on me and i canʼt do my squats and lunges and if i canʼt do my squats and lunges my upper/inner thighs wonʼt be defined. i need defined upper/inner thighs for veronica.

i study myself in the mirror and sigh. maybe itʼs time i start shopping in the menʼs section at macyʼs for jeans.

I shuffle to the kitchen in my flat, reaching into my cabinet to take out my fruity pebbles. I shake the box above my head so a waterfall of fruity pebbles cascades down my body, and a small fraction actually goes into my mouth. I chew, and practice my lunges again but accidentally slip and hit my forehead on the table.

Ow. I murmur, and stand up again. I can feel Veronica silently judging me from her spot on the shelf, and turn to meet her hateful gaze.

"what?" i mindlessly yell but regret it as soon as I see the sadness in her nonexistent eyes. I run up to her and take her into my hand, running my fingers along her smooth back soothingly. "im sorry baby, I got angry"

she doesn't respond which makes me a little upset but I swallow my pain like a man and set her down.

my phone starts to ring "my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard are they're like it's better than yours damn right..." and I know it's that time again so I sprint into the next room as fast as I can so Veronica won't see me putting on my cape.

I lean out of the window and jump, expecting my power of flying to help me but it must be sleeping or on vacation or something because I hit the ground and scrape my knee pretty bad. it hurts but the world needs saving, or should I say...knee-ds saving.

I pick myself up and run forward, because my philosophy is that if you run forward long enough you'll find a bad guy that you can punch in the face eventually.

About twenty minutes later I stumble across my best mate Niall who is eating a gyro by a brick wall looking fierce as fuck. I approach him with a friendly smile. "Hey there." I say and Niall looks very angry for some reason.

"Dude, back the fuck up." He threatens and my feelings are hurt.

"What's wrong?" I ask, genuinely concerned.

"Seriously? After what you did yesterday you don't think I'm gonna be a little pissed?"

"Yesterday?" Oh he must mean when he was in his room and a naked woman was on top of him trying to strangle him. "I saved your life from that evil lady."

"You pushed my girlfriend out a window."

"Girlfriend? Hey I have one of those! Her name's Veronica--"

"She's in the hospital with two broken legs."

"That's very unfortunate." I lie just so his feelings don't get hurt.

"Just stay the hell away from me." Niall growls and throws his gyro to the ground. I'm sad because if he didn't want the gyro he could of just given it to me instead of wasting it.

Oh well. I shrug and continue on with my journey.

After three hours of not finding any bad guys I head home and see that Veronica has not made me dinner. I cross the room to her shelf and cross my arms, visibly unpleased.

"Where's the meatloaf you promised?" I ask but she's quiet. I frown. "Veronica, this is the 324th time in a row. That's the entire time we've been dating, Veronica. Veronica, we have to fix this if, Veronica, we want to move forward, Veronica, in our relationship, Veronica."

I notice a slight change in her expression and then realize I forgot to take off my cape! "Oh this? It's nothing, I promise!"

She isn't convinced so I have to keep insisting for six hours straight until she finally seems to believe me. By that time it's the middle of the night so I take Veronica into our room to fall asleep. But I'm a gentleman, so I let her take the bed and I sleep in the bathtub.

_____
Wtf am I doing