Sean and Kaycee one shots

4. Antidote

trigger warning- Mentions of suicide

I would recommend listening to the song before or while reading but if you dont want to thats ok.

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Kaycee POV

People act as if you're ok. They ask if you're ok but don't really care. What are they going to do if you say no. What makes you think i wont lie.

My life doesn't feel like my own anymore. I feel like im walking through a world that im not a part of. I'm an outsider. Like i dont belong. I feel numb. I just want it to stop. I'm scared to live but I'm scared to die.

When i was younger i always looked forward to the next day, now i dread it. Im not the girl i used to be. I want her back but shes lost. I don't know who i am. I dont like what I've become.

I just wish i could be normal, not have these thoughts. Why am i alive. Whats the purpose of life. Whats my purpose. Whats the point.

I tried telling someone, only to be told that it happens to those who deserve it. I know i deserve it but why. What did i do. I just want to know but it's not like i deserve an answer. I don't deserve anything but pain.

The thoughts take control of my mind as i slowly walk downstairs heading to get water.

Deep down i know i need help, but i cant shake the feeling that im hopeless. That this is all it was ment to be. Its not bad enough.

I dont have control over my mind anymore. I cant control what i do. I know im going to do something im going to regret, but what can i do. This is my life.

I open the cabinet to grab a glass but quickly realize i opened the wrong cabinet. I was about to close it and open the right one when something caught my eye.

A bottle of benadryl. I quickly shut the cabinet and got a glass trying to push the thoughts away, but i couldn't get the thoughts out of my mind they only got worse.

What would happen if i died. Would anyone care, its not like they should. They would get over it people grieve but after that comes acceptance. It would be easier for everyone, i cause to many problems. I'm never helpful. I only complicate things. I'm just that random third child. I had to complicate everything. It would have been so much easier for everyone if they just stopped at Kylie. I'm a mistake it doesn't matter how many times my parents say im not it cant change the truth. Whether they'd like to admit it or not their lives would be better off without me. Its going to happen eventually so why not now.

Without much thinking i finished filling the glass and grabbed the pills before heading up to my room.

I closed the door and sat on my bed opening the bottle to realize it was new, meaning that it was more likely to work. I got a bad felling in my stomach.

I'm actually doing this, its about time.

I dump some of the pills into my hand and look at them for a few seconds. Fear starts coming through. Whats going to happen. Will it work. How will people react. Should i leave a note or would it be better without one. Is this a good decision.

Yes Kaycee of course its a good decision. You're selfish. You ruin other peoples lives. This is what you deserve. Death. Death. Death. The word sounds so comforting yet so scary at the same time.

I grab the water as i feel a panic attack starting.

"I guess this is it" i whisper bringing the pills to my mouth.