Caring Sucks

Last First Day

School. It is either be your favorite place ever or your worst nightmare. I have mixed feelings about it. I've never been a top grade student but I'm also not one of those kids that do drugs in the restroom and completely wastes time. I like to stay to myself at school. I'm really not that social. Not because I can't be, just because all these people here at school are very into an act. It's pretty hard to meet someone here that's very true to themselves and doesn't care about their image.

"Wake up honey, you don't want to be late on your first day," said Janet with a big smile on her face. "Ughh five more minutes," I replied as I covered myself up with my sheets. I couldn't fall back to sleep. I spent a couple of minutes looking directly up at the ceiling fan, thinking about how bad this day was going to be. Getting ready for school is a drag, I'm not picky about what I am going to wear but. The drag is having to get out of bed and change. I wear the same things to school, black jean shorts, black t-shirts, and some black and white checkered Vans. Oh and my purple beanie. I can never go a day without it.

I actually enjoyed the walk to the bus stop. Probably the best 10 minutes of my day. Other than the fact that I had to wake up super early, everything was quite pleasant. Keep in mind that it is five o'clock in the morning. The sun hasn't risen. No cars nor people. Just the peaceful sound of a gentle breeze blowing through the trees. No other sound to interrupt the moment. As I approached the stop sign, I saw everyone. From the freshmen with oversized backpacks to the seniors that are ready to make the best out of their last year.

"Hey, Jerry!" I heard in the distance. "Huh, who said that?" I muttered as I looked around. I didn't see anybody I recognized so I just plugged my AirPods back in and continued to enjoy listening to Childish Gambino. As I was looking down at my phone, someone touched my shoulder, it was her. Sarah Gonzalez. A smart and beautiful girl with blondish beautiful hair, a perfect smile, oh and don't even get me started on her cute laugh. I'm not really a sucker for love but this girl I fell for my sophomore. She shot me down in the nicest way and I tell myself I got over her but she never lost that spot in my heart. Since then, our friendship was never the same. Always on and off.

"Oh hey Sarah, you taking the bus?" I asked, trying to play it cool. "Yeah only for today though, my dad is fixing my car," she replied.

"Actually, would you like for me to give you rides to school?"

"You sure? I really don't want to be a bother." I said, hoping I didn't turn the offer down.

"No, if anything it would be nice to have some company on the way to school," she said, with the biggest smile on her face.

"Well, I'd be glad to give you that company."

I was actually so happy she offered. I know that there's absolutely no chance of escaping the friend zone but spending time with her is always a good thing. The bus shortly got there a few minutes after.

On the bus ride, we talked about how our summers went. She talked to me about how she went to Mexico and visited family. While she was talking, I was slowly zoning out. Not because I wasn't interested but because I get lost in her eyes easily. I don't think I have ever had a conversation with her without losing my train of thought. I wonder if she has ever noticed. As we arrived at school, she gave me her number just in case I needed a ride home. We then parted ways.

The second I got off the bus, I knew I wanted to get out of here. The first day is a nonstop "what did you do this summer?". I really tried avoiding conversation but it really is impossible. As my day rolled through, I was not looking forward to lunch. I'm literally forced to socialize with people those 30 minutes. I tend to eat in a classroom because I avoid having to select a group of people to eat with.

The bell rang and as I was going to the cafeteria, I was stopped by my friend Gio. My only childhood friend. We grew up playing soccer together. He took it a little more serious than I did. Which makes sense, he was an actual stud. He was on the varsity soccer team, he always wanted me to try out but I never believed in myself. The only reason we were such good friends was because he never changed the way he was towards me after my mom passed away. He was always there for me but he never reminded me of what I was going through. "What's up man, long time no see," he said.

"Umm, what are you talking about? You were literally at my house a couple of days ago," I replied, with total confusion.

"Oh yeah sorry, it's just that I have started all my conversations like that today," he said with a chuckle " We eating lunch in Mrs. Ramirez's class right?" he continued.

Mrs. Ramirez is probably the best hang out place ever. Mainly because she wasn't very strict. Plus it was pretty obvious she cared a lot about her students. This was the spot if you wanted to eat lunch or just needed a place to ditch class.

During lunch, it was five of us at the table. Other than me and Gio, there was Gabriel, Isaiah, & Jacob. Some of the very few people I actually looked forward to seeing during the day. The conversations we had during lunch were sometimes very random but that is what made it fun. We always had Jacob rapping to literally any beat. Sometimes with none. Then we got Isaiah, the dumb but funny one. Reporting his every move on Twitter. Finally, we got Gabriel, our valedictorian, always having fake seizures.

After what seemed to be the longest day of school, I made it to sixth period. Probably the easiest of them all, art. What a great way to end my day, I can show off my exquisite stickman drawings. I took a seat in the far back, where nobody could bother me. As the teacher went over the syllabus, I was getting ready to take a deserving nap. Until I heard someone knocking on the door. "Probably some dumb freshman that got lost on the way to class," I thought to myself. Little did I know, it was Sarah. I immediately got her attention and she sat right next to me. I was happy for a moment until I remembered that I couldn't hold a simple conversation with her. I had to try my best to not say anything stupid or completely random.

"Hey Sarah, I haven't seen you at all since this morning. How has your day been?" I whispered, trying not to interrupt the class.

"Pretty good, I'm actually really excited to get this year going," she said.

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Well, this is the beginning of our lives! Aren't you excited for life after high school?" she said, very enthusiastically.

"Hmm, I really haven't thought that far ahead in life," I said, somewhat rattled by the question. I knew that same question was going to keep me up at night.