Moments in Time

Odd One Out

Everyone always thought of Bucky Barnes as being Steve Roger's best friend. In truth, he always felt inferior, and in many ways, a third or fifth wheel.

In the forties, there was Peggy, Howard, and the other Howling Commandos. Yes, Bucky shared a tent with Steve on the front lines, but he shared Steve with everyone else around him too. Someone always had a question, an update, or new equipment for him.

If Peggy wasn't kissing him, she was giving him new missions and information.

If Howard wasn't testing one of his theories, or drawing blood from Steve, he was giving him new gadgets and weapons for the unit.

Bucky had a large family, he knew how to share. But sometimes...sometimes he felt abandoned and sidelined. He was always the odd one out.

~

Missions were bad. Everyone already had their pair before Barnes, and it would be stupid to change it so late in the game. Clint and Natasha, Sam and Steve, Tony and either Thor (when he was there), or Hulk. That left Bucky by himself. Steve knew he was more than capable of taking care of himself, and was more worried about Sam because he didn't have Super Soldier Serum like Bucky.

Bucky admitted to himself that he was jealous. Before the war, nobody knew who Steve was. Nobody except for Bucky. Bucky had him all to himself because nobody else included Steve in anything. Bucky would have liked the same courtesy. But he knew life wasn't fair, so he bit his tongue and dealt with it.

If missions were hard, dinner was harder. Bucky wasn't used to food, and more times than not, he'd end up throwing it up anyway. So, he'd pick through his food, and listen as the conversation flowed around him. Their jokes didn't make sense to him, he was slow with references, and their topics always got weird. If he tried to join in, they'd make it awkward by quieting down and putting all the attention on him. The only person who ever tried to keep it going was Steve, and it was hard to have a group conversation with two people.

Movie night was the worst. Movie nights were Fridays. They began at 6:00, and usually lasted until midnight or later. Tony had a Home Theater on the common level that had comfy bean bags, love seats, and couches, and a mini concession stand with popcorn, peanuts, candy, and drinks.

Everyone got to vote on random movies Jarvis pulled up for them, and they spent the next six hours relaxing. The thing was, everyone had a cuddle buddy, and as usual, Bucky felt excluded.

So he did what he often did: skulked in the shadows, silently observing everything that went on. He made his own nest with blankets in the corner of the room, and glared at anyone who drew near. He was somewhat used to the exclusion, but he was not going to bear their patronizing manners.

As time went on, Bucky withdrew inside himself. He gradually stopped going to dinner, he would leave after the first movie, and during missions he was brooding and spoke only in monosyllables.

~

"Hey Buck," Steve approached him one day, catching him in the gym.

"Hi," Bucky grunted, not bothering to face him.

"I noticed you didn't stay long last night. Is everything alright?" Steve questioned, concern leaking into his tone.

Something snapped inside of Bucky, urging the resentment to the surface. He punched the bag, sending it flying across the room and nearly hitting Clint in the process. If that stunt hadn't garnered attention, the loud, bitter laugh that rang throughout the room would have.

There was an almost feral look on Bucky's face as he straightened and turned on his heel to meet Steve's eye. His mouth was tilted up in a sarcastic smile, eyes swimming in negative emotion so strong it could be felt across the room. His shoulders were pulled back, squaring his stance, and his fists were balled up into fists.

"Really, Steve?" Bucky hissed with all the venom of a viper, and the readiness of a Panther. "You're supposed to be my best friend. Shouldn't you know? I know when you're upset, tired, excited, anxious, annoyed, and plain out done with it all. I look out for you, I always have your back, I choose you first every time. When was the last time you did the same for me?"

Bucky stormed across the room, flinging the doors open so hard they hit the walls, leaving indentions. Steve stood frozen in shock, bewilderment and incredulity spreading across his face.

~

Steve wandered in, hands shoved deep in his pockets, and a thoughtful pucker on his lips. He leaned against the doorway watching as Bucky reclined in the corner of the couch, book in hand.

Steve gingerly approached, easing on to the couch and clearing his throat. He needed to talk to Bucky, clear the air, be best friends once more. Whatever mistakes he made needed to be rectified.

"Um...Bucky, can we uh, talk?" Steve awkwardly started out, rubbing the back of his neck.

Bucky turned a page, intent on ignoring the idiot of a friend that was sitting next to him.

"Bucky...whatever I did, I'm sorry. Just...tell me what I can do to fix it. Please," Steve practically begged.

Bucky threw the book down with barely contained anger. He wanted to tear something apart, he wanted to yell and scream at Steve, but he knew it wouldn't do any good.

"How is it that you can hang out with Sam, Clint - heck, even Tony, but you're content to just sit there and watch me?" Bucky finally demanded. "You spend time with everyone but me. Maybe I just want my freaking friend back, Steve!"

"But...we do hang out. We're together at dinner, missions, movie night, workouts..." Steve trailed off, perplexed.

"Dinner that I puke up after an hour? Movie night where I was forced to go sit by myself? Workouts where you spend most of your time talking to Clint or Nat? Missions where I'm just the sniper on a roof as far from you as possible? Thanks a lot Steve!" Bucky gritted out. "You know, at least in the 40s, you were a nice guy. You backed me up and actually spent time with me. Sometimes I hate the Serum. Yeah, you're healthy, and I'm thankful for that, really, I am. But it also took you away from me. You loved the attention, loved being the hero, the leader, everyone's friend. I guess I'm just not as important to you as I thought."

"You are important to me, Bucky. I guess I just never paused to think how you would feel. I'm sorry. I'll do better. You are my best friend, and I don't want to ruin that," Steve sighed.

"Don't you get it, Stevie? You're all I have left. Everyone I knew is gone. Nobody here knows what to do with me. I hate it. You're the only thing that's remotely familiar. I need you. I love you."

Heavy silence reigned as both men tried to recover from Bucky's confession. At last, Steve slipped his hand through Bucky's, lacing their fingers together.

"I do too," Steve almost whispered. "When we were in the war, I distanced myself because I knew that I could lose you at any moment. And I knew I couldn't...that would be too much. And when you finally showed up here, I was so afraid...I didn't know how you remembered me. And...I guess I didn't know how to tell you or show you how much I needed you. It seems so silly now, but I was afraid I'd scare you off, or..."

Bucky watched as Steve grew more agitated, eyes misting over with emotion, shoulders tense, chin quivering.

"I just never thought you could love me the same way I loved you..." Steve admitted.

"Well, I do." Bucky simply stated.

They smiled, sharing a secret sunshine that only the two of them could have. For once, Bucky had Steve all to himself. And for once, Bucky wasn't the odd one out.