turning tables | wheesun

a little broken

"do you see the stars there?" wheein points at a trail of stars, tracing the shape it makes. "that's orion, my favourite constellation. orion was given away by zeus and poseidon as an infant, and he became a great hunter. he fell in love with artemis, the moon goddess, but his brother, apollo, didn't approve of it and told gaia, the ancestral mother of all life. gaia then sent orion and scorpius to a battle in which both of them died. zeus placed orion in the winter sky and scorpius in the summer sky so they couldn't see each other and would not fight with one another ever again," wheein explains. "constellations are pretty cool, huh?" she says, mostly to herself than to yongsun.
"when did you learn all this?" yongsun is surprised at the amount of knowledge wheein has.
"when hyejin and i first moved from jeonju to seoul, we had nothing much except for each other. we were like lost souls who were wandering about in an entirely different world, unsure of what to do or where to go next. i missed my hometown a lot, and the stars at night were the only things that didn't change after i left jeonju. it was the one constant amidst all the chaos, the stars gave me comfort ; they seemed to shine their brightest whenever i was drowning in dark thoughts. just knowing that somewhere out there, there is someone looking at the stars too, and maybe they are broken, maybe they are lost, just like i was," wheein smiles softly. yongsun finds herself wanting to hear more of wheein's soothing voice. the way her husky voice echoed through the quiet night, how yongsun could feel that she was smiling while talking about the things she likes, it leaves yongsun wanting more. "i must sound crazy right now," the younger chuckles to herself. "who even talks about stars this way?"
"you're the first person i've met who appreciates the stars this much. it's amazing, really. i wish i knew how to appreciate them when i needed them the most, but i guess it's too late," yongsun sighs softly. "you're special, wheein. you're different, the way you think isn't like anyone else i've ever met before,"
"is that good or bad?"
"it's refreshing," yongsun says simply.
wheein closes her eyes, appreciating how yongsun doesn't feel the need to fill the silence. maybe it's because they are lying so close to each other, or maybe it's just because wheein has started to realise she loves everything about yongsun, but her presence makes wheein feel so much warmer. her heart feels like this for the first time in her life, so full of life and warmth, an unexplainable sense of comfort when she's with yongsun. yongsun feels like home. yongsun makes her want to be a child again. she makes wheein want to go back to those innocent, childish days that wheein misses so much. those days when she had no worries, when she was happy.
she finally realises, why she hasn't been feeling anything until she met yongsun. she didn't have no emotions, she was just in pain. she was in so much pain for so long that it numbed her to the core. it was the worst kind of pain one could ever feel, not even knowing that it was there because she had gotten used to the throbbing of her heart that seemed to dull over time.
and now, she's happy, so happy with yongsun yet the pain doesn't go away. it's different now. it's a beautiful pain, one that washes over her like waves crashing onto the shore. it's a pain that she embraces fully, letting it crash against the walls she has built for years and although slowly, her walls are surely crumbling to pieces. and for the first time, she doesn't care. she lets her walls break right in front of her eyes. she does it to let yongsun in, hoping that maybe she will make the pain go away, even for just a short while. but she doesn't know if yongsun even wants to enter the mess, the endless chaos in her mind that consumes wheein every day.
a silent tear has slipped past her closed eyes and rolled down her face without her permission. she doesn't bother to wipe it away. soft hands gently cup her cheeks, a smooth finger wiping the tears away. wheein doesn't open her eyes, not even when she feels yongsun so close to her that she can hear her breathing. she just lets the tears fall, and allows yongsun's gentle hands to wipe them away. she turns so her back is facing yongsun, the warmth of her hands suddenly gone, leaving wheein feeling vulnerable. her shoulders wrack with silent sobs that she has been holding in for so long.
yongsun sits up, her knees against her chest, as she glances down at the younger whose face is hidden by her short blonde locks. she reaches a hand out to brush the hair away from the tear-stained face. she's never seen wheein this vulnerable before, and it hurts her. she doesn't know why it does, but every sob that comes from wheein feels like a stab to her heart. yongsun strokes the top of wheein's head, hoping that she understands the unspoken words between them.
yongsun has never felt more torn. the irrational part of her wants to lay back down next to the younger and protect her from the cruel world, she wants to put her arms around wheein and hug her until she feels alright again. the other part of her tells her she shouldn't be doing this, shouldn't be thinking about this, especially since wheein is not only her student, but also the vampire hunter tasked to hunt her. wheein could easily just kill her now, even if she said she didn't do things like that. but wheein won't go back on her word, right?
yongsun wants to trust. trust that wheein won't hurt her, that wheein keeps her promises. but she can't find it in herself to trust anyone else again. she's grasping at hopeless chances, trying to deceive herself into thinking that she's recovered.