Q U E R E N C I A #Wattys2019

HIRAETH

---------(n.) A homesickness for a home you can't return to, or that never was

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Kacey's

*door knocks*

I woke up exactly when someone knocked the door.

I know it's her.

I locked my door since yesterday, and I have the keys. She keeps on knocking at the door everytime, telling me to open the door and eat.

I eat breakfast, sometimes.

"Kacey, open the goddamn door or I'll tell the doctor what is happening to you these past few weeks!"

Whenever I disobeyed mom, she starts to blackmail me. It become her hobby everytime and ever since I was young. I'm used to it.

"Tell the doctor to come here with dad." I sarcastically said.

Then after a couple of minutes, she never knocked again.

I really hate doctors, honestly.
Because they supposed to heal patients, not to kill or wait for them to die.

We're happy family before dad became sick. He had kidney cancer, I really thought that the doctor can make him feel alive again but it was my mistake to believed in them.

They're a bunch of liars.

I still remember the last thing Dad told me before he died.

"Everything will be fine, sweetheart."

But I never expect that he left us early. Mom couldn't believe it too. She's a strong woman, I never saw her cry or in a bad state. She remained single for years.

I admire her, especially dad. I'm a daddy's girl if you don't know. That's why I was the one who experienced a great impact when dad left.

I thought everything changed when I met Lee, my 5 years boyfriend. We first met at school, and we started hangout since then.

Lee's a gentleman, always prepared, everyone's typical boyfriend for short. We always eat at fast food restaurant. We always go to amusement park every weekend. He's always there for me whenever I need him. Too bad he never met my dad. But mom's actually proud of him, she admire Lee a lot.

I also met his parents. They seem like they don't like me at first, but in the end they accepted our relationship.

June 10, 2016, 2 years ago.

Lee got into an accident when he was coming here to celebrate our 3rd anniversarry.

And then for the second time, I trust the doctors, they even told me that they will do their best but in the end, they can't say anything because they failed.

And ever since then, I used to hate doctors and their hospitals. And I promised to myself that I'll never ever believe them again.

Never in my whole life.

As of today, I'm alone again.

No Dad to support me, no mom to comfort me, and no Lee to took care of me.

As in no one. But who cares right? Everyone will die anyway.

I'll die soon, and I am peacefully and happy for that. I'll meet my dad and Lee someday, but that doesn't mean I'll take suicide. I'm not that kind of person.

I opened the fridge as soon as the main door was closed. Mom went to market to buy some ingridients for our dinner tonight. I do not want her to see me getting out in my room and sneaking in the kitchen to find foods to eat. She might scold me for not eating my lunch today.