The (Almost) Death of Cywren Caster

"That is all for this time! If you enjoyed this video..."

Cywren heard the voice in her head, Venturian, say it to the people who apparently saw what she did. The same thing at end of each of the videos. She tried not to flinch as she heard him. She hated being left alone by him. She wished he could just stay forever!

She walked back to the house with Timebomb, Brian, Sarah, and Quasar. Venturian was already gone, and it seemed so quiet in her head, as it always did when he was gone. Timebomb and Brian were talking about some guy stuff that she didn't bother listening to. Sarah was, as usual, focused simply on the task at hand, which currently was getting home. Quasar was a dog so he wasn't really doing much of anything besides following them.

They had, apparently, just finished the 100th episode of their series. Venturian had seemed so excited about that! She wished she could hear him be that excited all the time. His happiness always made her happy. More that likely, she thought, it was due to the fact that they essentially shared her brain, and therefore the emotions would most likely cross at times. But still, even with that explanation, it didn't go away. Not until he left, at least.

His energy seemed to be what gave her energy. Whenever he wasn't there, the excited, bubbly energy dissipated, and she was left feeling empty and alone. She never told him, though. Each time she thought about telling him, she would be prepared, and he would come back and she would be happy and forget all about it for a while. And then he'd leave, and she'd feel horrible again.

But it was getting worse. If it was just the same amount of sadness each time, she could handle it. But no. Each time he left, it hurt more. Each time he left, she felt more empty and alone. Like nothing mattered.

And she hated it. Every second of it. She wished she could just make it go away. She had thought, many times, of simply using her Jayhawk and no stimpaks. It would be so easy to just pull the trigger...

And each time, it was harder and harder not to do just that. She had thought it all out, the exact way she could do it. She could tell her friends she wasn't feeling good, that she was going to lay down for a bit and hopefully feel better. Then she could go to her room, get out her Jayhawk, and just end it. It would be so easy.

She never told anyone, though. She was afraid of what would happen. Back in the Vault, people with thoughts like these were typically given shock therapy. Cruel, but they didn't want to risk someone killing themselves! Pain was a preferred alternative to death, in the Overseer's mind. And no one questioned the Overseer.

When they finally got back to their house in Megaton, Cywren quickly excused herself to her room. She closed the door softly behind her and laid down on her bed. She tried to cheer herself up, to make the dull ache in her chest go away. It didn't work.

She took her Jayhawk out of her inventory, turning it over in her hands. She could so easily just aim and shoot and end it... So why didn't she? Because... Because...

Because why? She couldn't think of any reason not to. Sure, her friends would be a bit upset, but they could comfort each other until they stopped being upset. Venturian could just go talk to that other girl he had talked about. Vahl, was it? Yes, her name was Vahl, Cywren was sure of it. So Venturian could continue what he had been doing with Vahl. Plus, she was sure Venturian had siblings that could occupy him, too.

So why not?

With shaking hands, she pushed herself off of her bed, standing up, Jayhawk still in hand. She checked to make sure it was loaded, then slowly moved the gun to her head until it was pointed at her temple. She was about to move her finger to the trigger when the door to her room opened.

"Hey, Cywren, I w-" Timebomb started, then stopped as he saw her, eyes widening behind the red goggles he always wore. Cywren froze. She instantly wished she hadn't as it gave Timebomb the upper hand. He quickly began trying to wrestle the gun out of her hands, shouting for Sarah to come and help and telling Brian to stay where he is don't even think about coming up here.

Sarah rushed in, then began helping Timebomb. Timebomb pinned the thrashing Cywren down while Sarah got the gun out of her hands, tossing it to the other side of the room. Cywren had tears running down her face and she was begging them to just let her end it.

After they got the gun away from her, Timebomb pulled her up into a sitting position and quickly wrapped his arms around her, one arm around her shoulders and the other cradling her head to his chest as the sobbed. Sarah gestured to the door, indicating to Timebomb that she was going to go into the other room. Timebomb nodded, signaling that he could handle this for now.

Sarah went downstairs to talk to Brian and calm down the barking Quasar while Timebomb comforted Cywren. He gently stroked her hair, trying to comfort her as best as he could. She sobbed into his chest, her entire body shaking.

"I-I'm s-sorry," She croaked, barely able to speak through her tears.

"No. Don't apologize," Timebomb whispered gently. "It's okay. I've got you."

Cywren sniffed, curling closer to Timebomb. "I-I j-just w-want to d-die..." She whimpered. Timebomb could've sworn he felt the physical pain as his heart was ripped into two by those words. Such an amazing, energetic, happy girl... And she was secretly feeling this way.

"I know," He whispered, trying to comfort her. He was surprised when she started to pull away at that, shaking her head.

"No, you don't," She stared as she pulled away. "None of you understand because none of you go through any of this!" She suddenly stood up, causing Timebomb to do the same. He eyes the gun suspiciously as she began pacing, afraid she would go after it.

"I hate all of this!" She continued, still pacing. "I don't know why I have to deal with feeling like this!" She suddenly stopped, and turned to Timebomb. "A-am I broken?" She asked quietly, looking like she was about to cry again.

Timebomb shook his head, walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her again. "No," He said forcefully. "You're not broken or bent or cracked or misshapen or anything like that. You're just... You're human. And humans have these emotions."

Cywren buried her face in his chest, wrapped her arms around his neck, and tried to keep from crying again. She was failing miserably at the last one, though. The tears spilled over and she began shaking again. Timebomb held her tightly, wanting to be there for her in every way he possibly could.

A few hours later, after they had talked and cried and gotten all of it sorted out, they were sitting on the edge of her bed. Cywren had her hands folded in her lap, and tears on her face. Timebomb wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs, then moved his hands to gently grasp hers.

"Cywren," He started. "I want you to promise me that, if you ever feel like this again, you'll tell me. Promise?"

Cywren hesitated, then nodded. "Promise," She whispered. Her throat was sore from crying so much. "I promise," She repeated.

Timebomb smiled slightly. "Good. And since you promised, you are required by law to do it," He joked, earning him a small giggle from the redhead. He smiled at her happiness, then moved forward to pull her into a hug, which she gratefully accepted.

"I'm sorry for scaring you like that," She murmured. "I just-"

"No," Timebomb cut her off. "Don't apologize. You're hurting right now, and I understand that. Don't feel sorry for having emotions."

Cywren sighed. "Okay," She mumbled, then pulled away. "I'm really tired after all that crying," She said with a yawn. Timebomb smiled slightly and stood up. He took her glasses from her and set them on the table next to the bed. Cywren smiled and laid down, pulling the blankets over her. Timebomb made sure she was covered properly, then leaned down and pressed a small kiss to her forehead, then headed towards the door. Cywren was already dozing off.

Timebomb got to the door and was about to turn the light off on the way out, then stopped. He walked over to where the gun was, picked it up, and put it in his pocket. He headed for the door again, smiling at the now sleeping Cywren. He turned the light off and shut the door behind him, letting Cywren regain her energy. After all, they still had plenty of adventures to go on.