(adj.) Lasting for a very short time
The vast horizon, the mellow setting sun, the gentle breeze, the golden sand and tender waves greeted me as i opened my eyes. The scene was like from a dream. Then it hit me 'where am i ?'
I look around looking for something familiar , something that might jog my memory but there was none. I looked at myself stunned to see a white dress, in bare feet ,completely clueless of whats happening. Its like my mind is in a void a black hole with completely nothing, trying hard to remember what happened before this , something very important that i have to remember but still not even a bit of clue.
I started to walk by the shore with the sun gently touching my skin and the melody of the breeze accompanied by the waves ringing through my ears, I sighed by the beautiful sight ,it would be such a waste not to explore such a place. It suddenly feels nostalgic.
A few minutes passed, from the sea my thoughts traveled elsewhere , to my family, my friends, school ,my problems, then......... Him.
It was like being struck by lightning .Oh God .How could i even forget about him?! Guilt and disbelief was painted clear on my face. How could i ever forget the person who held a dearest place on my heart. The person that gave me a reason to live and dream. How??
Now i remember everything , his father's sad face looking at the casket , his mother crying while holding his picture not letting go as if it was him . I was at the side just standing so still as tears flowing silently. I remember all the tears everyone shed for him . We were mourning.
My heart ached so much that it want to dissapear, No it wanted to explode.!! I am so angry at myself.
My knees surrendered to gravity as the memories came running back like stampeeding horses. My head was hurting, aching so painfully it doesn't accept reality or rather I just dont want to accept everything.
Sitting while hugging my knees , and my eyes just can't stop the tears .Oh what should I do? Where the Hell am I ?!
My body's driven by sadness it wont cooperate, everything hurts, the pain it wont stop! I want to run but where would i even go? I felt lost.
I gazed to the setting sun , my peripheral view caught a silhouette at a distance. My heart suddenly started beating faster ,my mind telling me to look at the stranger, like it was saying that if i dont, i would regret it forever. Could it be? Taking a risk my eyes moved to the said stranger , but only it was no stranger . Please dont let this be a dream he was standing there , visible warmth from his smile . I know that man at the back of my head. Can't quite process whats happening only that he was here. I started running , running like my life depended on it , i fell and stumbled a few times but i dont care , only that he was here breathing . He greeted me with open arms and i jumped into him and hugged him tight never letting go ,he did too. We fell in the sand not caring about anything else i just embraced him with all my strength .I took in his warmth , his scent ,Oh his scent how i missed it . As I let go of his embrace , i stared at his eyes Oh his dazzling eyes as tears of joy overflowed.
"Your real right?" merely a whisper escaped my lips as I caressed his cheek, he then took my hand and kissed it. Letting a tear slip , then kissed my forehead .
He just kept smiling. And i kept crying .
" Hey Hush now Love, Im here. " he placed me above his lap ,rocking back and forth comforting me like a baby .I won't complain as long as Im with him. I took refuge between his arms.
"I missed you" he said as he placed his chin above my head . I smiled at his gesture.
"Me too, lets stay like this for a while" i sat still not bothering to move for I fear that if i do he'll dissapear ....
"Its okay love you can be at ease , Im not going anywhere , I promise" a perfect lie..forgotten anger seemed out within me
"Liar!, you said you would never leave me but you did!" I stared at him teary eyed and he stared back, i could feel him tensed at his position.
" I know and Im sorry Love....but it was already my time " What? ....No this cant be . So his saying that he really is already gone . He helped me stand up , held my hands together, stared back into my eyes , he gazed with care as if he was memorizing it.
"No!No!No! This cant be, but your here. See i could touch you , you're here with me , your still---" I just cant accept the truth. I hit his chest over and over again , i want him to know that it hurts . He hugged me instead , it looked like he got my message.
"Please! Dont leave me !! Please!!" He just hugged me tighter and more of my tears were set free. I cant talk, i cant utter a single word only my cries spoke for me.
"We dont have much time left Love , so i'll do the talking." He sounded so determined , he was really saying his last goodbye , i cant bear to hear it but i have to. I only nodded as a response.
"Im really sorry, Im sorry for everything , if i have known life would be that short, i would have spent every second with you , i would have given you everything you have ever wanted , i would have done everything for you. You know im not good with words but i wish i could have expressed fully what I feel for you...(sniff)"... he was crying , my Ace was crying, his weakness bare for only me to see .
"If i only knew then i would have marry you the moment I laid my eyes on you haha I made so many mistakes that i still want to make it up to you" I cant help remember the times we spent together, from the moment we frst met , to the time I said yes.
" I asked God for one more chance, I just wish to see you again, even only in your dreams. You know I love you and i know you love me too .but please you have to continue to live without me" what no! Does he even know what his saying ?!. I got out from his embrace , slapped him, he admitted defeat he knew he deserved it. Sadness visible on both our faces...regret....regreting everything ,all the things that we should have done together, all the chances we let go.
" You are the strongest girl i know and thats proven, So you have to continue to live ,Love. For me too." i cant believe it , how can he say that smiling, I just cant accept this ill-twisted fate brought upon us.
I finally mustered the courage to speak,
"You do know you are being so unfair?You are my hardest goodbye" the hardest part of saying goodbye is that i dont want to say it at all. But what could I do?I feel so helpless I could just rest my head against his chest .
He hugged me back....
"I know , i know .Im sorry. Be strong for me , Love . Okay ? Please move on" he knows that what his asking is impossible...
"I cant make any promises but just remember I will always love you " i love you, wish i could have said it to him a thousand million times over but instead i just kept saying it in my head ,i could only whisper only for him to hear, as i put my hands on his shoulders, his on my waist. Sorrow begins to build up again as i feel his warmth slowly fading away...i stared at his face he stared at mine , from his hair , to his eyes , his nose, his lips, i will remember it by heart.
"Till the next life, my Ace"
" Till the next life, my Love"
I woke up with a drenched pillow , my eyes so soar from crying , with a heart still
broken...
How can i really move on??
