lethal (b.e.)

Two

He's gone. He's never coming back. It's been almost a year. Get over it.

The painful reality that is my life hits me once more as my eyes flutter open. I can't even get a minute of peace where I have none of these thoughts swirling through my mind before I just feel like complete shit once again. I let my eyes close again and take a deep breath.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. You will be okay. You are stronger than you think.

I've been trying my hardest to believe what I say to myself to make me feel better, but it never fucking works. He would always tell me that if I repeat words or phrases to myself every day, it will eventually become my reality. However, it doesn't seem to work without him here.

It takes me a few more minutes to finally break away from my woeful thoughts that already gave me a headache and take in my surroundings. Yes, I'm in my apartment, but the strange thing is that my arms are wrapped around some girl in my bed with grey hair.

It takes more time than I'd like to admit for me to connect the pieces together again. All the fucking weed I smoke really must be getting to my brain now. I can't believe I forgot falling asleep with this gorgeous girl in my arms, even though I despise cuddling.

I couldn't even stand when Luci would ask me to.

Rolling on my back, I look over to the clock on the nightstand beside me. Are you kidding me? It's only 5:30 am. I got like 3 hours of sleep. I can never stay asleep for a full nights' sleep. The sun isn't even fucking up.

I take a quick glance at my messages from my phone at my bedside.

Dani: Yo you never came back inside

Dani: It's been an hour later and I can't find you

Dani: Your car is gone. If you're home and didn't text me, I'll kill you for this mini heart attack you're giving me

Me: Sorry you know I love you. I crashed as soon as I got home. See you tonight love

Oops. I forgot how worried this girl gets about me. I'm surprised she didn't even come to check on me herself like her crazy ass has done in the past.

Mia💋: You know I couldn't care less about her. There's a reason you always come back to me.

Me: Don't flatter yourself, sweetie.

This cocky ass girl, I think to myself. I bet if I don't text her for about three days, she'll be blowing up my phone with calls and texts like crazy.

Luci💚: This is the third fucking time in a row

Luci💚: Why do you even keep me around if you barely come and see me?

Luci💚: Alright, now I can't even get a text back? Good fucking bye

This makes me chuckle a little too. She always comes back around, and besides, she'd probably lose her shit if we actually stopped fucking around. I swear to god I'm the only person that can deal with her attitude.

Me: I'll see you in 30.

I head to the bathroom to brush my teeth and take two pills out of one of the bottles. Throwing on some random sweats and a shirt, I then rummage through my bedside drawer, taking a fourth of the brownie I left in there from yesterday. This is the only way I'll get through the day's bullshit.

My head turns when I hear a slight whimper to the left of me. Bil's face is twisted as she lays on the bed, interrupting the peaceful look she peacefully had. I can't help but stare at her pretty ass face as she shifts around a little in her sleep, the distress she's in still leaving her looking cute surprisingly.