Penning It Down

Best Friend.....?

We met as strangers
Became close friends
Slowly you became my best friend
The person I'd want to share everything with

Before you I didn't want to have any best friend
Didn't want to share every aspect of my life with anyone
Because no one stayed they all left
Never has any person been a constant in my life

And then you came
Made space for yourself in my life
I thought hey maybe you'd be the one person to stay by side
Be the constant in my life
We'd talk about everything and anything

Funny, that I believed I could have someone be close
Cause as we changed college and you found new friends you left
Now we have conversations that are very formal not like ones you'd have with your best friend
I now think before I say anything to you

I don't know why I do this to myself
I can't seem to get it in my head that I am meant to be alone cause nobody will ever want someone like me

Someone who is insecure about herself
Someone who overthinks
Someone who overanalyzes
And someone who hopes for something that will never happen

People told me you are aloof
They told me to be better
To change myself
But you know what,
I am happy being aloof if it keeps me from being broken again
Cause now I am afraid to trust
Cause I know I am to end up alone

Maybe that's the reason why I don't have many friends anymore
The reason why I push people when they start getting too close
When I feel myself getting attached

You were my best friend
You are the person I still want to call and share about what's going on on my life
But I fear that I am just a burden
That I am someone you want to get rid of but don't know how
That I am someone who has forced themselves in your life

I don't want to force myself in anyone's life which is why I have stopped making efforts
Cause I am afraid the other person is just too kind to tell me to fuck off on my face

©unknownwriter007

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