Deepest most Desperate Desire

Fat

FAT
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You find it funny don't you?
To insult me infront of others.
I thought you were my kin
Yet you never hid my flaws.

You find it funny don't you?
To announce everyone what I eat
How much I eat, how greedily I eat.
But did you ever noticed really?

Not even a single bite enters my thorax
When you would shout 'eat less fatty, leave us some food'
And if I Ieave, titled as rude.

'Mummy tell them to stop calling me fat'
I would cry as a child
And what really I would ge
'they are your siblings sweety, they will joke around'

'Mom tell them to stop calling me fat'
I would yell as a teenager
And again she would chuckle and reply,
'Well honey they are right, you must try loosing some weight'

Oh mother only if you knew
That what they think is a JOKE
Is where my heart falls weak.
Oh mother only if you knew
No matter how less I eat
I never change.

It's how I was born as
And whenever my eyes threatens to cry
I would simply smile and reply
'I love the way I am and don't wanna change'
It's the truth I love being ME
But won't it hurt Seeing the world laugh
On the very existence of mine.

'You don't have to change dear'
That's a dad speaking
Yet he couldn't forbid his kids
Who would entertain my Weakness.

They say just because I am a fat girl
No men in the world would marry me
I would laugh and say 'I would love that, not to marry anyone'

'how long are you planning to stay in your parents? You have to get away soon'
There's the stab rightly aimed to the heart.
Yes it would be good to not marry
But familiars mocking over the reason
Would be so embarrassing.

Hiding someone's secrets would come with expectations
That they would hide too
What I lack
Yet she would laugh
Yet she would mock
About my curveless body.
Linking everything to my weight.

Yet if you see I ain't obese
Just a girl with a little extra flesh.
No matter how much I laugh
The pain would continue to grow
Through my every vein and artery.

Until you decide to seize
Your art of mockery.
Until you decide to seize
Being the 'oh so good girl'
When you are completely NOT.

Years have passed and we both are
Now grown ups yet you didn't change
And today I still say this to you in me
You find it funny don't you?
To insult me infront of others.
I thought you were my kin
Yet you never hid my flaws.

Today I am may starve
Till my skin gives away it's flesh
Tomorrow I would starve
Until you would stop calling me
FAT.

Alia.A/insecurities
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