Space Unicorn

Chapter 1

This author does not own the Star vs. the Forces of Evil franchise. This story was written for personal amusement.

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"We set sail on this new sea because there is new knowledge to be gained, and new rights to be won, and they must be won and used for the progress of all people. For space science, like nuclear science and all technology, has no conscience of its own. Whether it will become a force for good or ill depends on man, and only if we occupy a position of pre-eminence can we help decide whether this new ocean will be a sea of peace or a new terrifying theater of war."

John F. Kennedy

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Biological Research Range

Io, Jovian System

Io (pronounced eye-oh), the innermost of the four big Jovian moons, sits smack bang in the middle of Jupiter's enormous radiation belt. On Io, you can receive a lethal dose of radiation in hours, which will cause you to vomit blood, poop blood, and bleed internally until you die in two weeks or so.

Jupiter's glowing belts of death are charged by Io's many gigantic volcanoes, which pump vast amounts of charged particles deep into space. The volcanism is in turn caused by tidal heating of Io's interior as it travels around Jupiter.

These volcanoes also spew forth gargantuan lava flows, which leave behind yellow, sulfurous rock.

As a result, Io looks like a giant, ugly, rimless pizza.

Close-up, the walkable bits of Io consist of broken, colorful plains of solidified basalts. The airless black sky is dominated by Jupiter. The glowing orb of orange and white stripes that hangs in the sky is two thousand times larger than a full moon.

It is a horrible place to live, and, after Venus, is the second closest thing to the popular conception of hell in the Solar System.

"You know, I think I'm going to move here after I retire! The view of Jupiter from this place is... whoo!"

Dr. Star Butterfly, safe in her magnetically-shielded spacesuit, took in the view from the top of a bright yellow boulder, even as she placed another blue-stained rock sample into a collection tube.

A voice came in on her helmet radio.

"Star, get a move on! Incoming in ninety seconds!"

Star collected another sample.

"Come on, Marco! I'll have plenty of time to work out my retirement plans after we finish teasing out the secrets from little samply-wamply here." Star held the sample tube to her eyes and began coddling it. "Who's a good Io-adapted mutant bacterium? You're a cute radiation-resistant fella, aren't ya? Aren't ya? I just want to stick your genes in something else right this instant!"

"STAR! Get moving! Artillery inbound!"

"Marco! You and the Marines had one job! To let me do my job! But are you doing it? NOOO!"

"STAR! I'm not kidding! Get to cover!"

"Marco, I can hear the chatter as well as you can. Those rounds won't be here for another minute. Isaac Newton is king up here. It's not like they can be early."

"Get to cover!"

"Ughhh..."

Star stowed her sample pack, and stomped off to the foxhole. Marco, clad in another bulky orange suit, yanked her down.

"Okay, I'm down. Are you happy?"

"I'm about to be blown up by scrap metal! Do I look like I'm happy?!"