The not so chosen ones

Teenage Angst

Sara was working that Wednesday. A classic Wednesday.

Some people loved that day, the optimist felt it was half the work week.

To be fair Sara was an optimist but she worked on a supermarket and Wednesday meant boxes and boxes of products to display. The economy didn't let her be just a cashier she had to be also a warehouse manager destined to discriminate the rotten food from the edible food the government send to the approved establishments.

But a non related food thought was on a loop in her mind. What if Philip was right and Mrs. Johnson did travel trough time when they were kids?

Mrs. Johnson was in her forties, Sara tried to remember her. She had a major in History, dark hair and maybe a husband. Sara couldn't recall any wedding ring though. Just a feeling.
When you're little you assume all adults are married.

Sara was thirty now, and she knew two things for sure:

1. Not everybody gets marital bliss. Sometimes, even if you are lucky enough to meet your soulmate, said soulmate marries someone else.

2. A forty years old history teacher must definitely has some regrets that could induce her to travel back in time.

The real question was, were those regrets worthy of risking the world as you know it? Philip thought she risked the world as we knew it.

Sara was aware that thirty or even forty wasn't "that old". But she couldn't help but remember all of her younger versions and feel a little bit nostalgic.

There was her metal period during puberty. She was obsessed with "One" the Metallica song. She felt alive when the guitarist played the intro. She even convinced his dad and uncle to take her to a concert once.

Then, she remembered George. He was the drummer off an amateur band that played at school parties when Sara was thirteen. She wore heavy black eyeliner (just like him) and followed him around. He was older, at least two years, he had a girlfriend and zero interest in Sara but she didn't mind.

One day, thinking of George, she got a letter from a totally different guy. The letter said very little.

"Do you wanna be my girl?" signed, P. Sara suspected Philip, her seatmate. But she didn't feel the same way. He was kinda cute and nice enough but she was not into the good guy look -yet-. She wanted rock and roll.

Unexpectedly, thirty years old Sara laughed. Elijah, her coworker, asked her what was the joke. She smiled and told him it was above his pay-grade while dropping some death smelling lettuces in the floor.

Truth be told she was the joke.

The day Philip asked her to be "his girl" she stood up, walked in front of the entire class, held his gaze and shred the paper in pieces. It was her dramatic way of saying no.

It was about a year later, after the shredding incident, that Philip said something funny in the chemistry lab. Sara couldn't stop laughing. After that, she was always looking for him, waiting in case he said something witty or memorable. They weren't partners in the lab so every time they shared long looks something was caught on fire. Literally. The lab was a dangerous place to be a teen in love.

They were inseparable during that year. Kissing was such a fun novelty to both of them.

Philip had full lips and too much energy. Sara was mesmerized by him. When he was around, there was nothing else to do, no one else to pay attention to. Her grades suffered, her family life was reduced to flashes, her best friends exiled her from the group and still all she wanted to do was kiss Philip, hold his hand and talk to him -in a landline- when they weren't in school.

It was too much. Too intense. Philip was like the sun. When he was in a good mood Sara would be happy and dancing around him. When he was being a little bit distant her whole world would collapse. Sometimes she felt like she loved him so much she couldn't imagine living without him. In spite that, there was still a small rational part of her hormonal brain telling her "You don't find your soulmate at fourteen, you can't really love him" so she pushed him away secretly expecting him to fight for her and love her no matter what kind of insanity she came up with.

Philip never truly understood why she felt so insecure about his feelings. Nothing was wrong in his mind. They were young, yes. They loved each other, yes. Simple.

In retrospective Sara thought, maybe they did have something in their hands, but it was given to them way too soon.

When you're that young you don't know what to do with transcendental emotions, you only feel overwhelmed and scared so you blew it. The worst part is you don't even mourn enough because your'e convinced you will get another great thing, you will connect again and find love. Because all adults get married.

By his 15th birthday, in January, they were over.

Sara barely cried.