i hate you, i love you // cody ko // noel miller

chapter one // the announcement

Before I even open my eyes, I know something is wrong. Feeling the sunlight stream through the window onto my bed, I stretch my arms out, seeking Cody's familiar warmth and finding nothing. My eyes shoot open, and I sit up to look around. Cody's side of the bed left messy, his phone gone off the nightstand, the closet door left ajar -- he's left for the day already.

I flop back onto the pillows and close my eyes again. Today is Cody's last day in Venice before leaving for the European leg of the Tiny Meat Gang tour with Noel, and he had already left, most likely to go to Noel's, before even having breakfast with me. I check my phone. He hasn't called me to let me know where he is, but then again, communication lapses are no stranger to me and Cody's relationship. 

I pull his blanket over myself and wrap myself up in it, inhaling to find Cody's scent still woven into the threads. Bliss. He's going to be gone for over two months, the longest we'll be apart since we started dating. I don't know how I was going to survive the weeks without him near. Maybe I could catch a flight to Italy or something and surprise him on the road?

I dismiss the idea as ridiculous as I'm in the shower five minutes later. Cody doesn't love when his work life and personal life interfere, and spending thousands to fly halfway across the world to see him would certainly count as an interference. FaceTime calls and texts would have to do until the tour was over. Until then, it would just be seeing countless pictures of him with gorgeous European girls wrapped around him, smiling or kissing him on the cheek...

I push the thought out of my head. The fans can be annoying, but after all, I'm Cody's girlfriend. I'm the one he'll be coming home to when it's all done. I'm the one slipping into his old Duke Swim & Dive t-shirt to spend the rest of the day in.

I make my way into the kitchen, ready to scrounge up some breakfast before getting to work. I'm surprised by a note on the table, accompanied by a plate covered by napkins. I have to squint to understand Cody's typical, messy scribbles.

Chloe-

I was going to make breakfast for us this morning, but I knew you'd been having trouble sleeping and you looked so comfortable I didn't want to wake you up. I made yours with extra chocolate chips. I hope they're still warm. I'll see you tonight.

                            Love, Cody

I feel myself involuntarily blush and sigh as I lift off the napkins. Pancakes, still warm, and cooked to perfection. Cody even sliced up some strawberries on the side. He's perfect.

After breakfast, I settle down in our home office to get some work done. Cody and I met when his YouTube channel got crazy big and he took me on as a production intern. I was studying digital production and film at the University of North Carolina, and as a long-time fan of Cody and Noel's I knew I was perfect for the position. The whole falling in love with my manager thing was an unexpected perk, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I still remember the first time I made him laugh -- when I cracked a joke that maybe he shouldn't hire me because UNC and Duke are long-time rivals, and the bad blood might pollute the work environment. As soon as he flashed that smile at me, I knew I was done for.

Now, I work as editor-in-chief and producer for the majority of Cody and Noel's content. I help out with the podcasts, the collaborations, and the individual videos on both of their channels. It can get to be a lot -- especially the weeks when both Cody and Noel have individual podcasts, individual videos, a TMG podcast, and a collab coming out -- but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And Cody and Noel have never been more successful. It was actually my idea to go on a Tiny Meat Gang tour, something they both vetoed at first, saying that they would never sell tickets. But I helped them find the venues and pick the dates, and their month-long tour of the United States was a hit - so much of a hit that a lot of the European dates sold out within hours. I never expected such success. And, although I couldn't be happier for Cody and the excitement, I know I'll miss him terribly while he's on the road.