Don't Dream It's Over - Complete

Chapter 2

"You wanted me? That night?"

"Yes," Dimitri whispered, his head resting in his hands. "I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anything."

"Because of the charm," Rose said bitterly.

"No, Roza," Dimitri said, using the name he'd not let himself utter in five years. "Because of you. It killed me to tell you it was all the charm because it wasn't. Victor's charm might have removed my inhibitions, but the desire to be with you was all my own."

"But after... You said you didn't feel that way about me?"

"I lied." Dimitri reached across and took her hands within his own, preparing to confess everything.

"I never came out and said it, but you knew how I felt. I thought you felt the same way, too. Why would you lie like that?" Rose hissed, pulling her hands away and standing up in agitation. "Do you have any idea how much you hurt me?! I felt so much, yet you tossed me aside without a second thought!"

"I did it because I cared too much to get in the way of everything you'd worked so hard for!" Dimitri snapped also standing. "If we'd made love that night, I would never have been able to let you go! So I told you I didn't feel the same way, and let you move on."

"Yeah – and look how well that worked out," Rose growled.

"What do you mean?"

"I haven't moved on, have I?!"

Dimitri's eyes locked with Rose's. "What are you saying, Roza?" he asked, his voice a tortured whisper.

"I'm saying it's been five years and nothing's changed. No one else has measured up. Not even close. Five years on and I'm still stuck here wanting something I can't have," Rose shouted pushing Dimitri hard on his chest. "And the worst bit is, even now you don't consider me an equal!"

"I do! Of course, I do!" Dimitri defended, trying to put his hands out to placate Rose.

"No, you don't!" she bellowed, picking up and smashing a particularly ugly lamp she'd always hated. "If you genuinely thought of me as an equal, some time over the last five years, we'd have discussed how we felt. You know? Like two equally invested adults. But instead, you lied to me! Since that night, I've believed that I was alone in this."

"I'm sorry, Rose! I made what I thought was the best decision under the circumstances! I was your mentor – if things had progressed, and we'd been discovered, I would have been jailed and you expelled. We'd both have suffered lifelong consequences."

"That might be true for then, but what about now? I've been eighteen and graduated for almost four years. We live and work together. We're meant to trust each implicitly; you've had plenty of opportunities to tell me how you felt. Do you know how mortified I was after that night?! I offered my heart to you, only to be treated like a silly little girl with her first crush. And then, to add insult to injury, I have to see you every day. How am I meant to move on when you're always around me, reminding me of what I can't have?"

Rose could feel the rage rising inside her. Her own righteous indignation, abetted by Lissa's darkness, it was almost all-consuming.

"So well done, Guardian Belikov!" she shouted, pushing him in the chest, again and again, forcing him backward until he collided with her study desk. Only used to store her books on animal psychology and physiology, these clattered to the floor when Dimitri lurched against the table. "For five years I've felt unworthy of love, thanks to you!"

"No..." Dimitri hissed, genuinely stricken. "Roza! I never meant for you to feel that way. I thought I was doing the best thing!"

"Ha," Rose retorted bitterly. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Comrade; haven't you heard?" Rose turned to spin away, but Dimitri was faster reaching out and grabbing her, holding her tight against him as she started to cry.