In The Dark (Greys Anatomy)

Chapter 1

I heard the doorbell ring while I'm in the kitchen cooking. "Zo? Could you get the door? Maybe it's your father. He's supposed to be back tonight."
Zola gets up from her chair and waddles over to the door. I'm making Baked Ziti. Zola loves Baked Ziti.
"Mommy? There's police at the door looking for you," Zola yells into the kitchen. I put the baked ziti into the over and I walk over to the door. I see 2 police officers.
"ZoZo, why don't you go in the kitchen and wait with your brother. Ok?" Zola goes without questioning.
"What's wrong?" I look to the police. If this is about Derek speeding again I'm going to kill him.
The one cop looks to the other before speaking. "Is this the home of Derek Shepherd?"
"It is. He's my husband," I say willowy.
"Ma'am, we have reason to believe your husband has been involved with an accident. We need you to come with us," the other cop says.
I look to Zola and Bailey. "Zola, get your shoes on. We need to go with these gentlemen. Get your coat to," my voice cracks. I can tell I'm about to cry. I invite them inside while I go help bailey.
Once I'm done with Bailey, we head out my door. I hold on to Zola's hand and Bailey is in the stroller. We follow the police out of my house and I go to my car. I put them securely in the car as I go around to the front.
I should've known Derek would've gotten into an accident. With the pace he was going daily. I shook my head as the tears stayed behind my eyes. I had to be strong for Bailey and Zola. I had to. It was only an amount of time that I was going to let loose.
I followed the one cop car out of my driveway and the other was behind me. We follow the police to Dillard Trauma Center. As soon as I get in, a little girl goes up to me. "Derek saves us. He saved my mommy he saved me." I look at her and smile. Yep. That's my derek for you. Always compassionate about others and makes sure they are ok. I follow the officer into a room. I saw a social worker waiting.
"Hi. I'm Catherine. I'll watch your kids while you do what you have to do," The social worker, Catherine, says.
I hand my kids to her. "Mom? What's wrong?" Zola asks me looking up into my eyes.
"I don't know baby. But I will shortly. You watch Bailey and behave for Mrs. Catherine alright?" I tell her. She hugs me tightly and follows Catherine into the play room.
I see a doctor come out of Trauma Room 1. "Is that Derek?"
"It is. Before you go in there, I need to mentally and physically prepare you. He has been in a bad accident. He saved some people from one accident and when he got into his car to drive away after the ambulance came, he got hit by a semi. He is pretty rough shape. He is on life support and I don't think he will come off of it," the doctor says.
I look up at him and nod, mentally preparing myself for what I'm about to see. When I walked into the room, there was a resident taking his vitals. When she moved away I felt my whole body go numb. I scurried over to where his head was lying on the bed. "Derek??" Nothing could mentally prepare myself for that. I am a wreck. I start crying as I take his hand into mine. The red haired resident left the room giving us some space.
"Derek..." I cried. It wasn't our time. We didn't have enough time. As soon as I was about to say something I remembered what Derek had told me before when he got shot.
"Meredith... Just take me off Life Support when I am put on it. I don't want anything. I don't want to be brain dead and be no use to you or anyone. Please promise me that much," derek pleaded with me.
I couldn't take him from his hope. So I have to do it. I didn't realise how much time I spent crying until the doctor came in again.
"Are you ready?" She said with her hand on the button to turn off his life support.
"Wait!" I say.
"But..."
"I said wait!" I yelled at her. I know she was doing her job but when you actually are in something like this, all the time stops. "Derek.. it's ok. You go. We are fine," I wipe a tear from my eye, with my index finger. "I promise to take good care of your children and good care of my health. That's all you cared about in this world was my health. I promise I will be in A shape. I love you so much." I started crying a lot now.
"Ok..." I say as I put my hand on his chest. With my free hand, I sigh the DNR and the Life Support paperwork and I looked back to my husband. Remembering every time I kissed him, every embrace, every fight we ever had since the moment we met in the bar. I looked up and I winced. Why is god so mean? Why didn't god fix him? All these questions piercing through my veins. I looked down to see Derek take his final breathe then all hell broke loose. I was a wreck then. I was crying so hard that I didn't even hear the doctor tell me something.
A few minutes later, I calmed down some. I run out of the hospital and to a tree and cry. I gag some and then throw up. The doctor came outside. "Mrs. Grey?"
I look to her.
"I'm sorry to bother you. But I have to tell you something. I should've pressed for that CT instead of letting them go into surgery. If I would've then.."
"He would've been here still. He's your one. Every time you look at a patient, his face is gonna show up. Every time you wanna press something, his face will show up. He was your one to save. But you didn't. I hope you live with that guilt for the rest of your life. Now I have to go. I have to find some way to break it to my children that you didn't do your job correctly and killed my husband and my father of my children... excuse me," I snap at her. I walked away. Once I got inside I went into the kid room. "ZoZo? Bailey? Can you come here?" I ask them in the sweetest voice I can.
They come up to me and I hold their hands. "You remember daddy was driving back home?"
"Yeah. When is he coming back?" Zola asked. It broke me to tell her what I'm about to tell her.
"No.. he was in an accident.." I told zola. Her face turned.
"Oh... well is he hurt?" She asked me.
"He was." I gotta keep a strong face. So my babies won't break.
"Are they fixing him? Is he going to be alright?" Zola asks. Damn zola. Why do you have to ask so many questions? I look away and wipe a tear.
I look back to zola, "no.. they can't fix him."
"Well then you should go in there, you fix everyone," Zola starts to raise her voice.
"Zola.." I shake my head. I'm ready for the tears to come pouring out but they don't. "Zola.. I cant fix him?"
She looks up at me. "Why?"
"I can't fix him... because..." oops. Here come the tears. "Because no one can.. because He's dead Zola. Daddy died." I started crying. Seeing Zola like this makes me so upset. Bailey doesn't know anything yet cuz he's only 2. But since Zola is 6, she knows. She wraps her arms around me and the same with Bailey. They try to comfort me. But the only way I want comfort right now is from my husband. But he is dead. So he can't.
I get up and the social worker comes up to us. I get the children and put them on the bench outside of Derek's room. Zola starts crying. It breaks my heart to hear Zola cry.
Soon Zola is asleep with Bailey. I guess crying made them tired. I run my hand over her hair as I calm myself down. Zola has been my rock ever since I met her. Well one of my rocks, my other rocks were Lexie (deceased), derek now dead, and Bailey. They have been my rocks. Now I have to be Bailey and Zola's rock since a big piece of their world has crashed down on them.
The transplant surgeon walks up to me. "Ma'am. We are going to need you to sign these.."
"I know what they are. I'm a surgeon to.. just like my husband was. They are the transplant papers. Do you honestly think I would do anything for this hospital after you guys just killed my husband? Do you honestly think I'd even talk about it with my children lying asleep on my lap? Get the hell out of here!" I scream. Zola tenses on my lap and I quiet down. "Leave now." They leave the papers by my lap where Bailey was laying and left. I picked up the papers and pen and checked No for everything. There was no way in hell was I going to let my children come to his funeral with a closed casket and all. No. Absolutely not.
I soon fell asleep and a nurse tapped my arm. "Ma'am. The people from the funeral home are here to get him," she kindly says.
I look up at her and wince. Why did she have to wake me up with such bad news? "Ok. ZoZo, Bailey, why don't you go play in the play room while I sort things out alright?" They nod and Zola walks over to Bailey and grabs his hand and walks in there.
I get up, and walk in Derek's room. "Hello, I'm Calvino, and this is Grenola, we are here with the Seattle Fuss Funeral Home."
"Hi. I'm Meredith Grey-Shepherd. Thanks for coming," I extend my hand out for them. "I don't know how to do this. So I figured you would just bring him over."
"Yes. Just let me make sure this is the right guy first...." they unzipped
"Damn. That guy helped my sister with her brain tumor. Jeez. What happened?" The girl, Grenola, asked.
"Bad accident... but can we just get this over with?" I ask them.
They nod. "Ok. So this is him. We will take him and call you when the funeral is. Ok?"
I nod and leave the room. I grab the kids and we leave Dillard Trauma. I don't want to ever go back there.
Once we get back to Grey-Sloan, I drop my kids off at the day care and go up to the surgical attendees lounge where Callie, Owen, Webber, Alex and Maggie was in.
"Derek is dead," I say quietly. They didn't hear me. They were talking about what to say when you ask for the tea thing. "Derek is dead." I say a little louder.
"I'm sorry Mer what was that?" Callie Andes. They all look happy.
"Derek is dead!" I say louder. I see Owen get up from his seat with a surprised face on. And I just pass out on the floor.
I wake up to a iv drip in my arm and Callie, and Alex in my room.
"Mer... what did you mean when you said Derek is dead?" Alex asked me.
"I was cooking stuff, last night and the cops came at the door so I told Zo to open it. The cops told me derek was involved in an accident and that I needed to hurry. So I got them and hurried out. When I got there.. it was to late. The stupid doctors rushed him into surgery without doing a ct. They should have done a ct. when I went there, he was on life support and I knew he was in pain, a lot. And he would never come back from this, so I listened to what he wanted and he wanted me to take him off. So I did. It was the hardest mistake I have ever made.. they should've done the ct scan. They should've.." I broke down. Alex came around to me and climbed into bed with me.
"Callie, call Christina. She needs to be here," I hear Alex say. I keep crying. I had made a promise not to cry when someone died, but this hurts to much.
"Alex, she wants to talk to you," Callie comes in.
"Mer I'm just going to be out there. Ok?" I nod while crying some more.
"Why did he have to?? He shouldn't have saved them. It's always the person who saves people who gets killed or hurt. He was saving this family from a car crash and a semi truck... it hurts Callie. It hurts to bad," I cry out in pain.
Webber comes in. "Hey Mer." Richard takes my hand in his. "I know that this hurts, believe me I do."
"You don't know shit Richard, Derek was all I had. He was all I had. Derek.. why did he have to leave??" I cry.
Webber looks up with tears staining his eyes and face. "I don't know why People leave us. But he is in a safer and better place."
"Mer.. Yang wants to talk to you," Alex comes in and hands me the phone.
"Christina??" I cry into the phone.
"Mer.. Mer! I know it hurts I know. But you got Bailey. You got Zola. You don't want anything to happen to them. Don't do anything stupid or reckless. I'm on my way now," Christina says in a soothing voice.
"It hurts.. so bad," I whine to Christina. "It feels like my heart is shattered into a million pieces and I don't know how to repair it."
"I know babe. But you will get over it. Time will heal. Mer I'm getting on the plane. I'll talk to you as soon as I get there. Give the phone back to Alex," she says.
"Ok." I hand it back to Alex and he talks again. "Ok... alright.. I will. See you when you get here.." he hangs up and hands the phone back to Callie.
"Webber, Callie come here." Alex motions for them to come here. Webber puts my hand down and goes to him. They whisper. And whisper.
Webber turns around, "Meredith, since I'm interim chief, I declare you on payed leave. You need to be with your kids right now. Your kids need you. You are all they have. When you are ready to come back, and I hear it from Alex, you can. Alex will tell me if you are ready or not. "
"What? You can't do that? That is the only thing that keeps me sane. Richard???" I whine.
"Nope! That's final. That's the last I'm gonna hear from it. Now I'm going to get your kids from the day care and bring them up. Family is the only thing that can heal this wound," Richard left.
I looked up at the ceiling. "Where is my phone?" I ask Callie.
She grabs it and hands it to me. I call Addison. I only trust Addison with me and my genitals. Addison hasn't done me wrong.
"Meredith?"
"Addy? I need you," I say.
"What? Did Derek do something?" She asks me.
There is a long pause in our conversation. "Alright. I'll be there in 20 minutes. Where are you?"
"Room 4S01" I tell her.
"Ok. I'll see you in a bit. Bye," Addison hangs up and I look at my phone. My cover screen is Derek, with the kids and me during Christmas time. I look pathetically at it. And throw it across the bed. Callie came back in the room with Alex. They took a seat next to the bed. Webber came in the room. I looked around for my kids. "Why did I get a call from Addison saying she needs privileges in this hospital? Saying something is wrong with Meredith?"
Damn it. I forgot to tell her not to tell anyone.
"It's a private matter. I'll tell you more once I know more," I say to him.
Addison walks in right away. "Huh? No Derek here? Wow. What did you do? Run him away?"
I look at her and start crying.
I hear Webber fill in Addison. "Derek got killed in a car accident yesterday leaving behind his wife, and his 2 children."
"Ok. Everyone out. I need to talk to her," Addison says. Everyone listens. She comes and takes a seat on the bed. "So what's the matter?"
"I think that I'm pregnant."
"With another one of Derek's baby?" Addison sighs in disbelief.
"Yep. Can you check? Because your the only doctor who I'd let down there.." I plead with her.
Me and Addison have been quite friends ever since she left.
"Sure," She says not bothering to bring up Derek. "I'd be honored."
She talks to me while she's putting on the tummy cream. "Yep. Your about 12 weeks. You seriously didn't think you were pregnant before?"
"No. Because I Have had my period and I haven't been getting bloated like I did with Bailey," I say putting my hands up.
"Well.. maybe because this one is a girl.. I can see it's genitals starting to form there," i look to where she is pointing. Damn. I wish derek was here so he could see this.
Addison focused on the heartbeat. "And there it is. A healthy Baby girl." She cleans up my stomach. "She's beautiful." She moves the machine over and sits on my bed. "So, will you tell me what happened?"
I looked up at her and nodded. There I told her everything. Some parts she couldn't believe as well. But now I have to raise not 2, but 3 babies alone. Addison said she will help whenever I needed, and to just call her. I thanked her for it. Not many people want to be associated with their ex's wife's. Not to many.
Just then, my babies came in the room and they ran up on my. Zola was worried. Bailey was happy, as if I didn't tell him his dad died a couple hours ago. "Mama? What's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you going to die like Daddy?" Zola came up to me and placed a hand on my forehead checking my temperature.
"No. I'm not gonna die baby. I just fainted because I was not drinking baby. Mamas gonna be alright," I snuggled her into my chest.
"They are so cute. What are their names?" Addison called out.
"This one here is Zola. We adopted her from Africa. She had a seizure problem and you remember Alex brought over ped patients from there? Well she was an orphan who came. And me and Derek fell in love with her. She was so cute," I say with a smile. I would never want to take back my past with Derek.
I showed her my phone with the picture that I took, up.