••• Shawn smiles sadly at the sleeping Jonah before leaving the room. It has been 3 weeks since Jonah was hurt and every second of those three weeks has caused Shawn's heart to break. Jonah stopped letting anyone touch him except for Shawn or his bandmates. He wouldn't even let Logan touch him. He would freak out when fans would see him and walk up to him. He had a bad incident about a week ago. —- "You sure you're ready, Jo? You haven't been in a place as crowded as the mall since it happened. I don't want you to feel pressured," Shawn says as he pulls a shirt over his torso. "Yes I am sure, Shawn. I am not a baby you have to be worried about," Jonah says as he quickly takes his shirt off and replaces t with a clean one. He gets a glance of the healing wound on his arm and closes his eyes tightly. He can feel his heartrate begin to pick up and his palms become sweaty. "Jo, take a deep breath," he says to himself, inaudible to anyone else. He is able to regain composure and he slips a jean jacket on over his shirt. — The ride to the mall is short, too short for Jonah's liking. Shawn parks the car and gets out, walking around to Jonah's side. Much to Jonah's annoyance, Shawn has obviously been very protective over Jonah, especially in public. Shawn takes Jonah's hand in his as they walk through the doors to the mall entrance. They walk down the wide corridor, swinging their arms. They lasted thirty seconds, before a group of teenage girls came up to them. "Hi. Uh we're sorry to bother you guys, but c-could w-we get a picture with you guys?" One girl asks with hope in her eyes. Shawn can feel Jonah tense up, as he hadn't been in a picture in two weeks, so he looks to the younger boy. "Uh yeah. Sure. I don't see the harm in that," Jonah says as he plasters a smile on his face. Shawn could tell that the smile was almost genuine, as his fans always made Jonah smile. They pose for pictures with the girls, sign some autographs, and continue down to the store. Jonah picks out a pair of black skinny jeans and a bright blue top. He goes into the fitting room and puts it on before walking back out. He didn't see Shawn, as Shawn was only right outside the fitting room section, talking to fans. Jonah stands awkwardly, wondering where Shawn had gone. It had only been a short moment, but it felt like an eternity to Jonah, when he made eye contact with a man that was entering the fitting room section. The man had the same build as the guy from two weeks ago who hurt Jonah. Jonah could feel his entire body tense as he backed up from the man, who didn't ever actually mean any harm towards Jonah. "Hey man, you alright? You look a little out of sorts," the man said, genuine concern evident in his voice. "Get away from me. Please don't hurt me. Please please please," Jonah begs as he closes his eyes tightly as his heart pounds so fast he thought it was going to explode. "Okay, okay. Look, I am not going to come any closer. I just want to help you," the man sticks his hands up in the air to show he meant no harm. "Sh-shawn? Shawn!" Jonah yells for his boyfriend as he slides down the wall. Shawn hears this and immediately runs to the scene, his confusion being taken over by concern. "Jo? What's wrong? Hey it's Shawn. I'm right here babe," Shawn says as he blocks Jonah from view of other people. The man recognizes Shawn, soon realizing that Jonah was a celebrity and he quickly got everyone else that had surrounded the couple to back away and continue with their day. Employess soon come over, along with security. Shawn turns to the man. "So uh what happened?" Shawn asks him while employess sit with a distressed Jonah. "Well he and I made eye contact and then he got all weird and tense. I was worried it was some kind of seizure or something like that, and I wanted to help. I began to walk to him but he freaked out on me, for whatever reason that I don't need to know, and so I stopped moving and showed him I meant no harm to him. That's when he called for you," the man explains. "Thank you for being so kind. He has been going through some personal issues lately. I should have known it was too soon to be in such a public place. Thanks again," Shawn says before he walks back to Jonah and helps him up. Security gives Jonah a hoodie to wear and instructs both of them to keep their eyes on the ground as they are lead out to their car through a swarm of papparazzi and fans. —- When Shawn reaches the main room of the house, the other boys, and Logan (who had come to check in on Jonah everyday) look up to him expectingly. "He's asleep for now," Shawn says quietly as he sits uneasily on the couch next to Corbyn. "We need to get him help, Shawn," Corbyn says. "I know, I know. I wish I could be all the help he needs, but I can't. I mean I locked him out of all social media and news sites, but he is going to find out that the world knows sooner or later. When that happens, I would like him to have healthy ways to cope," Shawn says as he pinches the bridge of his nose. "The most important thing is that the cops found the guy, and he will never be able to harm Jonah, or anyone again," Daniel says. "And, Jonah hasn't had an incident like last week since that one. Besides, he has the entire Limelight family supporting him. Even the Kardashians have shown their support," Jack adds. "He is worse than we thought, guys. He hasn't gotten more than thirty minutes of sleep straight since it happened. I mean he saw someone who had a similar build as the guy and he freaked the fuck out. I just don't understand why it had to be him this happened to. Why does anyone ever have to feel that type of pain? I mean he still flinches when I touch him. All I want to do is hold him in my arms and tell him it will all be okay. Even if he would let me actually hug him, I can't gurantee it will be okay. I can hope but I mean, why do we live in a world where one of our prayers is that my boyfriend who was," Shawn pauses, never actually saying the word, "r-raped," his voice breaks, "can find peace?" "The best thing we can do for him is keep him from doing anything drastic," Corbyn says. "Too late for that," Shawn says. "What do you mean by that?" Logan, who had been quiet this entire conversation, speaks up. "Last night, he had taken a shower. I was so hopeful that maybe he had finally realized he had the strength to," he pauses once again, "stay alive, that I completely didn't think of what he could be doing. When he took a while, I checked on him to see he had selfharmed. He had carved a word into his side. 'Slut'," he finishes as tears flow down his cheeks. The rest of the small group was speechless. "So he thinks he's a slut?" Jack says with a quivering voice. "Well I'm sure the asshole who did this to him also told him lies like that one, so yeah. He thinks he is, but I think that now he knows that nobody sees him like this," Shawn replies. "I stopped fighting him," the group turns to see a distraught Jonah in the doorframe that connects the livingroom and kitchen. "Hey baby. You should go back to sleep," Shawn says. "I can't. I had another nightmare," Jonah says simply. Shawn hates that it is such a nonchalant thing for Jonah to say. He had multiple nightmares each night. Some include the man breaking out of prison, or him reliving the entire experience. "Jonah, you aren't a slut," Logan says quietly. "I didn't stop him," Jonah says, quieter this time. "You were scared. Your body was frozen with fear, Jonah. Nobody expected you to be able to stop him. Especially since he had a knife. It does not make you a slut. It makes you strong. You went through something awful. It is impossible for any of us to understand what you feel. Yet here you are. You had the strength to lean on us. You had the strength to let us help you. You are the strongest person I know," Shawn says. Jonah only nods in response before sitting in the chair across the room from everyone else. "Jonah, you aren't a slut," Zach says sternly. "If I wasn't a slut, I would have stopped him. I wouldn't have let him go all the way," Jonah says back. "You couldn't! No matter how strong you are, he made you feel as if you had no hope. It was late, after a long day. You were tired. He hurt you in so many ways, Jonah. You can't keep hurting yourself because of him," Corbyn says as he starts to cry. Logan pats Corbyn's back in a comforting way as Shawn walks over to Jonah. "Get away from me!" Jonah yells as he stands up and moves away from Shawn. "Jonah, we need to get you help," Daniel says as he stands next to Shawn. "No. You dont understand. Nobody can help me," Jonah rushes out as he starts to tug on his hair. Shawn moves to stop Jonah, casuing Jonah to move farther way, into the kitchen and out of their eyes. The other six boys rush after him, finding him holding a knife, staring at it. Corbyn gasps and hides his face in Logan's chest, Logan runs his fingers through Corbyn's hair. He knows he must keep Corbyn calm. "J-Jonah, hey, why don't you just put the knife down, okay? You don't have to do anything drastic," Shawn says softly as he starts to panic on the inside, knowing he can't move without setting off Jonah. Logan takes Corbyn into the other room and calls 911. Daniel, Zach, Jack, And Shawn all stand there, watching Jonah stare at the knife. "Want to know what the worst part of all this is?" Jonah says as he lets out a sad chuckle. "What?" Daniel asks cautiously. "That I am a slut, especially because I cheated on Shawn," Jonah says as he looks into Shawn's eyes, both boys having tears falling down their faces. "Baby you didn't cheat on me. Cheating means you wanted to sleep with someone else. You were forced to. Please don't ever think it is your fault, okay? Don't ever think this counts as cheating," Shawn says. "It is my fault though! If I let you drive me home, I wouldn't be such a mess now!" Jonah yells as he makes large hand gestures with the knife. "If you want to place blame on someone other than the asshole who did this, place it on me. I left you on that rainy night. I waited three hours before looking for you. You want to blame someone? Blame me, Jonah! Blame me! I was supposed to protect you. I was supposed to never let any of this happen to you. I failed, Jo, and you got hurt beyond imagination. Please stop hurting yourself," Shawn says. Jonah looks at the knife again before tossing it lightly in the sink. "Y-you b-blame yours-self," Jonah says, almost to himself. "Yeah," Shawn says as he wipes away tears on his face. Jonah lets a sob out as he runs into Shawn's arms. "It feels like I can't get enough breath in my lungs, Shawn. It hurts to breathe, to move, to do anything. I see him when I close my eyes," Jonah cries as Shawn holds him. "Shh. Its okay to feel that way, and we'll get you help, alright? We'll get you help," Shawn says right as Logan and Corbyn come back into the kitchen. "Uh guys, lets give the two of them some space," Logan suggests as he leads them out of the room. "Let's get you something to eat, alright?" Shawn asks. "Yeah. Uhm could we cuddle and have a movie night after?" Jonah asks timidly. "Of course," Shawn kisses Jonah's forehead before having him sit at the counter while he made Jonah a sandwich. "Movie nighg!" Shawn yells after Jonah finishes his food. Corbyn and Jonah quickly move the coffee table and footrests against the wall of the livingroom. Daniel gets pillows, over two dozen, and Jack gets even more blankets. Zach goes into their movie night pantry and gets out a bunch of candies and begins to make popcorn. Shawn gets the movie, that Jonah suggested, and gets it ready, so they only have to click play when everyone returns. Jonah helps Jack and Daniel get the seating area set up.
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(Pretty much this but with much more blankets and pillows)
All the boys come in and sit down. Corbyn, cuddled up to Logan as he eats skittles. Shawn sat with his back against the couch, and Jonah sits with his legs laying over Shawn's lap and his head resting on Shawn's shoulder. Zach was sprawled across the couch. Jack and daniel were on opposite sides of the two couples, curled up like burritos in blankets. The movie is only half way over by the time Jonah is sound asleep. By this point he is sitting inbetween Shawn's legs. Corbyn also fell asleep straddling Logan with his head on Logan's shoulder. Jack had retreated to his room to call Gabbie almost as soon as Jonah fell asleep. Zach was barely awake, making weird sounds every so often. And Daniel, well Daniel just stared at Jonah. He had found himself doing this a lot. Out of all the boys, he was closest to Jonah. To think about what had happened to Jonah, made bile rise in Daniel's throat. "You okay Dani?" Shawn asks, when seeing the boy staring at Jonah. "Do you think he will be?" Daniel asks. "I hope so," Shawn says sadly. "Me too," _______________ WOOOOAAAAHHHHH This was so long oml. I tried making up for the long hiatus. Oops. Also congrats to Jack for becoming a father and to Gabbie for being an amazing mom to the cutest little girl, Lavender.
