dawn. (yoonmin)

prologue

we were nothing. nothing but whispers of meaningless dreams and waves of forgotten memories. as ephemeral as the breeze passing by, and yet as bright as the stars in the sky. wasted, tired, yet lucid enough to understand. we were nothing to ourselves, but everything to each other.

bottles spread out over a bridge. streetlights and cars illuminate the graffiti, making it seem alive again, artists forgotten. gray skies mean nothing to anyone else, but to us, they mean everything. gray is a blank canvas. gray is the midpoint of good and evil, never trying to be anything other than itself.

we link hands, taking drags out of the same cigarette. legs dangling dangerously over the edge, threatening to slip. my head leans on his shoulder, his on top.  we sit in the midst of the traffic, the eye of the hurricane. calm, passive. chaos can't control us from up here. with one easy move, we could control the chaos. wreak havoc or bring peace. up that high, we feel nothing except the cold breeze.

my eyes trace up his profile, landing on a small array of freckles. like constellations they arrange in patterns. like paint, they splatter across his skin. he takes a drag, and breathes out a thick cloud of gray smoke. the smoke drifts towards the sunset, his own colors mixing with the ones of nature like an oil painting. i reach out and brush a finger across his jaw. i can hear his labored breath as he grabs tighter onto my hand. do you ever want to run away? all the time. so we do. we run here every night. it's a break in reality, a place where nothing can hurt us, not even the sharp tongues of others. the whips society cracks against our backs can't reach us, allowing our wounds to heal.

an earbud placed in one ear each, slowly singing us out of our minds. we're silent for there's no reason to speak. a mixture of music, cars, and city sounds fill our heads. i feel as thin and forgotten as a shadow. following but never leading. we built a home here. a place i don't feel alone. sandwiched between two chainlink fences and the rumble of the city, nothing can touch us. it's cold, but we sling a coat over our shoulders and huddle together. feeling a warmth only we know. he places his lips against my forehead. let's run away and never come back. okay.

one word and everything would change. held tightly to our beings as we were to each other. we would escape, run and never come back. leave behind the chipped paint, the broken shutters, and we would built anew. just for us. it was time to lose ourselves. the sun sets over the horizon, thinning into a golden thread, wrapping us tightly as if to say good luck before it disappears and the moon takes its place. with nightfall comes the inevitable. the traffic thins, the noises quiet, and we are left with our own thoughts. what a twisted reality.

our minds are the real beast. the demon in the dark. a tide pulling me under. gravity seems to have no hold on us at sunset, but basking in the silver light gravity pulls on our hearts. it squeezes and forces down any light. nothing seems to matter except each other's warmth and our own heartbeats echoing in our ears. i never thought about how it would feel to finally be free. to break the clutches and snap the chains. i look up at him and realize he's thinking the exact same thing. he traces the veins on my hand, desperate to use them as a map. tracing his way to my heart. i'm never coming back. I won't either. with those words seals our fate. we would run away and never, ever come back.