Scared

Chapter 4: whole lot of leavin'

Have any of you ever heard the song "whole lot of leavin'"? Well, I know the meaning is something about someone Bon Jovi loves leaving him or something or another. Idk because I never really worry about the meaning. But I do listen to the words. It feels like it's describing my life. Every singel day it feels like I lose one person, even if they are still there and they never died or moved or left in any way! It feels like one relative died or one best friend hates me or one person in my life that I cared about moved far away. But none of it happened! Everyone is still in the same house, still alive, and all my friends still like me! If they aren't going, then my heart is. Since everyday feels like someone left even if they didn't, it had to be my heart. My heart going away bit by bit as I grow more depressed each day. That is the whole lot of leavin' part. Everything is leaving! That feeling is something no one has experienced. The only way people hear music is for its meaning. But I hear it for my meaning. No one else does that. No one ever even tries to relate their life to music! I go beyond relating. I change it. I change it into my life! To me, every song is my song. "Living on a prayer" is me trying not to go to hell or be scared of death. "Whole lot of leavin'" is my heart. "Born in the U.S.A." Is where my problems started when I was born.
This does not mean that any of these songs are bad just because my meaning of them is sad. These song are also some of my all time favorites. They are just songs I feel like I can make but with a different meaning. I know it's awkward that I say this, especially in the middle of my story, but I said this because what I was watching on TV was a "whole lot of leavin'" music video. So it just struck to tell y'all now. But yeah, it feels like I'm the only one in my life feeling sad. Because I see everyone else smiling and being happy. It just doesn't feel right. It's like I'm never happy. Better yet, never meant to be happy.