The Grave Dancer's Song (First Book)

She's Not Alright

When midnight comes I will scream.

You will always remember my name.

I run around your mind, feeding in your lies.

I can not and will not die.

You are stuck inside your mind.

"That's a very interesting poem, Miss Marshall." Gina looked up for the notepad that Jade had just handed to her. Although, Jade never really used the notepad for anything other than poem writing, it was always in her possession. Jade could not help but feel estranged without it with her; she especially did not like the fact that it was in her councilors possession. "What does it mean to you?" Gina folded her hands over the very nicely decorated notebook, and bent her head down.

"It means I can't remember writing it." Jade said for the hundredth time. "I have no memory of writing this psychotic poem." Gina could feel the frustration in Jade's voice. She lent her chair back and stood up.

From her new standing position it was quite easy to see Gina was shorter than she appeared. Her five foot frame had a heavy duty upon it; as she weighed about one seventy five. Her nearly buzzed hair did nothing to help the look of her body. Gina did not care about what others thought, but more what she felt. And she was happy.

"Jade, this is in your handwriting, it's in your personal journal. How could you not remember writing it? And its not psychedelic." Gina pulled the chair next to Jade closer to her, and sat down in front of her long, stained up desk.

"First it's a notebook, not a journal. And second your suppose to tell me why I can't remember it." Jade let out a exasperated breathe, and shook her head. Her long blonde hair feel into her eyes. For the past four months, she has had to come to see Gina. Jade hated being outside of her house. But even more so, she hated being around people and talking about what is wring with her. For god's sake, she did not think anything was wrong with her.

"It's not the only one in there that I can't remember writing." She reached her lanky arms out and grab her notebook. "The last few have been a complete blur. And I always find them after a nightmare." She flipped the notebook open and laid it across her lap. "Her shadows await. Her breath is held. Her hair is tangled. But she is well. She never quivers. She always yells. I am afraid of the girl in yellow." Jade read. Then she silently turned her head sideways to face Gina. Gina sat still.  There was a look of confusion on her face; it was equally matched with Jade's face of sorrow.

"There's more here. I can't remember any of them." Jade began flipping from page to page. "They are so different from my others. It's almost like they don't belong here." Jade slammed the notebook close and handed it back to Gina. "Now tell why?" Jade nearly screamed at Gina.

"Jade, you're writing out your feelings. Once those feelings are gone, you don't remember having them." Gina lent in closer to Jade. "These are what you feel when you sleep. Those nightmares are here." Gina waved the notebook around. "You're writing them out, it's nothing unusual." The notebook suddenly fell through Gina's fingers and slammed on the floor. Jade jumped up from the chair; in which she had sat for almost an hour. "Sorry." Gina bent down to pick it up, but Jade snatched it up before she could.

Jade quickly unlocked the door and headed down the hall. Gina was quick to follow behind her. "Jade, wait. The session is not over." Jade was already at the door and swung it open. She ran out into the cool summer breeze. She ran as fast as her feet would carry her. The pavement stung her saddled feet, and her legs ached from running; but she did not stop. She ran past her brother's waiting car. Pass the park, pass her home, she just ran.

I hate what I have become. Jade thought as she ran. She truly did hate the frightened girl that she is now, but she never did anything about. She missed a drop in the sidewalk and fell straight down. Flipping over, she saw her knee. Blood ran down her leg, although she rather enjoyed the warm liquid and the color of the red. She however did not enjoy the sting that was coming from her knee. The thin cut actually hurt more than she thought possible.

Jade looked up just in time to see her brother running towards her. "What the hell Jade!" He screamed as he got closer to her. "Why did you run off like that?"

"I don't know." Jade felt the tears begin to flow. She began to try and choke out her words. "I don't know." Byran bent down and wrapped his sister in a hug.

"Don't cry, I'm sorry for yelling at you." Bryan lent back and whipped away the few tears from Jade's face. "You just really scared me." Bryan noticed Jade's knee at that point. He pulled out a napkin and begin to whip it.

"Ow." Jade whimpered when he grazed the cut. "Bryan that hurt."

"Sorry, Jadabean, it needs to be cleaned up; we need to get you home and get it cleaned out." Jade smiled at his childhood nickname for her. Bryan laughed when he saw her smile. "If I would of known it was that easy to make you smile, I never would of stopped calling you that." Jade's smile grew larger.

"I always liked that name. It felt like we had our own club." Bryan laughed at her. "Right, Bryana."

"Right Jadabean." Bryan and Jade had a few moments of laughter, before Bryan seemed to realize where they were. "Come on, let's get you home and in bed." Jade grunted as Bryan helped her up. Jade limped her way back to the car, that still awaited at the parking lot. Bryan offered to let her just go home, but Jade wanted to stay away from there for as long as possible.

The shared some small talk, but nothing that made their smiles go away. Once back at the car, Jade tried to drive. But like always to good for a new driver Bryan said no. Once Jade finally settled for his answer she got into the passenger side. As Bryan walked around to the driver's side, he could not help but think that her mood would change when they walked into house. It's always when they go home that he loses his sister again. He brushed the thought off and crawled in side the vehicle and started it.

"What's wrong?" Jade asked with scrunched up eyes.

"Nothing, how about we go out for dinner." Bryan offered as they turned onto their road.

"Sorry bro, but I can't mom made something that smelt wonderful." Jade over emphasised with her hands. "Can't pass up a home cooked meal." Jade tried to smile but it failed. Bryan knew his sister was now under whatever mood they were calling this.  Plus, she never went any where but that damn councilor's office and home.  She was afraid, at least that's what Bryan believed.

"Yea, mom's cooking sounds great." The statement had no life or meaning given behind Bryan's dull, dead voice. He hated what his sister was like. Even more, he hated that he could not save her and make her better.

"Stop thinking, it'll only hurt you in the end." Jade said. She was not talking to him but about him. She leaned her head back as they pulled into the driveway. "You know?" Jade said before opening her door and exciting the vehicle.

Bryan just shock his head, and glanced in Jade's direction. He slammed his hands on the steering wheel, and turned the vehicle off. Why her? He thought so many times before. He opened the door and exited the vehicle. There was a sense of lost the washed over him every time he walked to his home. He missed the fun Jade. The one that loved to play practical jokes. The one's who hair was never just blonde. It always had colors throughout, from pink to purple. But what he missed most of all, was her poems. They have become so wrong for her now. He missed when she would dance around the house repeating a new poem she had just written. Now she cried every time she saw what was new in her notebook. Bryan thought of that fairy decorated notebook. It was five subject, and only one subject left to fill. He never called it a notebook, but rather Jade's poem book.

Bryan sulked inside, and found Jade staring out the back door.  She turned and smiled, and laughed.  It was not her normal laugh or a normal smile.  It was a lie, and it somehow spoke sorrow and fear to Bryan.  "What?"  Bryan nearly whispered at her.

Jade just walked away towards the stairs.  "Nothing, just thinking about us as kids."  Jade said nothing more as she made you way up the stairs.  Bryan counted each step she took.   One, two, three, four, five, until he could no longer hear the creeks of the wood flooring.