Smile Again

Chapter 2

After a week full of meetings with lawyers, social workers, detectives; my parents heartbreaking funeral, the struggle to deliver the news to grandpa, the difficulty of explaining the twins the situation, and that horrible feeling of emptiness in the house; I was done. I felt like I was about to collapse at any time, I was so exhausted and felt hopeless. So after a whole week, I decided to go back to school.

It was barely 8am, and I had half and hour still for my first class to start. Anyway, I enter the classroom and hope my teacher hasn't been aware of my situation. I try to get to my sit as quickly as possible, but I fail. From her desk, she looks up to where I'm standing and then her blue eyes fill with pity and she gives me a little smile. I try to smile back at her, but I can't. Just as I think that's all she will do, she gestures me to go over to her desk. I struggle but obey her at the end.

"Hello Kia", she says as soon as I reach next to her.

"Mmm hello ma'am", I answer her really uncomfortable. I just want to sit down and forget about my existence for a little bit.

"Kia, I'm so sorry for your loss", she says while she squeezes my hand. Then she lets it go. "You're strong and a brilliant young woman, never forget that", she adds.

"Thank you, I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome, look if you need anything just ask alright?, I'll do my best to help you."

"Thank you ma'am", I say and again I try to smile to her but I fail once again.

As I'm about to leave to sit down, she squeezes my hand again and hands me a note. Without opening it, I just turn around and go to my sit, once there I open it.

It reads:

"Good morning Ms. Sanders, I want to express once again my condolences for your family. You should know that everyone here at your university is willing to help you, we are here for you. Having said this, you must know that I arranged you a meeting with one of our counselors. It is already included in your tuition, so please take advantage of our counseling services. If you need anything else, do not hesitate to ask me or any of our staff members. Your meeting is set for today at 9am at Francis P. Lenns Hall room 115, you will be meeting with Mr. Simmons, a new counselor who is replacing your former assigned counselor Mrs. Reynolds who has now retired.

Ps. Mrs. Evans is already aware of your meeting and she has giving the permission for you to dismiss class today.

Sincerely, John A. White, Principal of UAW."

I look up to see Mrs. Evans expression and effectively, she is aware of the note's content so she only nods at me implying I can dismiss class. Without saying a word I stand up and get out of the classroom. The meeting was in the next building, so I make my way out. On my way to the building I face a couple of students who look at me with pity, some others give me a little smile and some others just nod. I don't know any of them.

As I reach the next building, I look for the room and once I have found it I just stand there outside the door without knocking or anything. I just stand there. Then I mentally decide to don't assist the meeting and just go home. As I am about to leave, I hear someone clear his throat from inside the room.

"Come on in, please", I hear him say from the inside.

Damn, how did he know I was already here? And how am I supposed to leave now?

I slowly open the door but I do not enter. I just stay there with the door open. There he is, my new counselor is sitting in his desk analyzing some papers in a folder which I assume are my records.

He is young, maybe in his late twenties. He is wearing glasses which make him look kind of a nerd. His hair is dark black and is not long but is not short either. As soon as I enter the door he looks up to me but doesn't says a word. Instead he just stares at me for a moments and smiles. But his smile is not full of pity like all the other smiles people are giving me when I pass them. No, his smile is a genuine smile, however, I ignore it. I don't want to be here. I don't want his help. I don't need it.