The Venting Series

Part One

Sometimes the feeling of loneliness creeps onto me. It feels like I don't belong like I'm not meant to be where I am. I'm not good enough. I'm excluded. They party without me, hang out without me and laugh without me. What can I do about that? I shouldn't be here. They don't care.

It's in those situations that you really have to take a step back, and see what it is that you do have. They don't talk with me; but do I really want to talk to them at all? Or are they just talking about things that I don't even care about? I wasn't invited to the party. And I really think about that one a lot, but the thing is that I hate parties. I probably wouldn't go even if I was invited. It's really not my thing. The few parties I have actually been to make me feel more out of place than I have been in my entire life. And when all those other people laugh, is it because of something genuinely funny, or are they laughing at a mean joke they made about someone? It probably is, and why should I be a part of that?

Everyone's so negative, and I just feel how all those emotions just push me down further and further. Where's the optimism in our everyday life? Is it really impossible to be truly happy about something, or at least try to see things from the bright side, or do you really have to complain all the time?

And it's moments like that that I'm happy with where I am today. I don't care if people feel the need to complain about school. I want to do my best, I want to learn something and I want to do something useful with my life. The parties don't matter if I have the option of staying at home under the blanket, reading a book or watching a movie, because that's what I want to do in the future. My interests and hobbies have given me jobs and work possibilities that I could never have dreamt of. And for that, I'm very grateful. My future will bring positive things because I really care about myself and what I think is good. Sometimes you have to be a bit ego. And the main part is that I don't ruin my life by doing things that I don't want to do, or against my will.

The truth is that if I really wanted to, I could've done my best to fit into the Cool Gang, but what's in that for me? Popularity only lasts for a moment, not a lifetime. If I choose not to curse, not to drink, not to say bad things about everyone I meet and not to mess around with boys, that's up to me right? You're supposed to do things that you enjoy and stuff that you can defend and agree with if ever needed, and I have chosen to be the one I am today. I rather that someone asks me for a good book than someone inviting me to a party where everyone gets wasted.

My life has given me so much and God has given me even more. If you want to ignore God and say that He doesn't exist, that's up to you. I really won't judge unless you're disrespectful to me. God has given me to much for me to ignore His presence.

To have an inner strength is much more important than to be cool for someone else's liking. Cause I. don't. care.