Eldritch

Chapter 35

Once Sean escorts Daniel through the front door of his home, he places a hand to his shoulder and squeezes gently. Daniel offers no response; he stands, staring into oblivion. Sean nods and turns for the door. 'Dan?' Marissa calls from the kitchen. 'Is that you?'

He nods at her as she enters the hallway, his head bowed. It's as though he's forgotten how to speak. He has no words. Even if he could speak, he wouldn't want to.

Marissa shuffles toward him, and gently places her hands to his face. She tilts his head upwards so he's facing her. The moment he catches her eye is the moment he starts to cry. She holds him in her arms as his sobs become more shrill. 'I'm so sorry baby,' she cries while running her fingers through his hair.

He doesn't want to keep crying into her. He doesn't want to drain her, given how she's been advised to rest. He pulls away and nods, tears seeping down his cheeks. 'I'm just going to go to my room,' he says. 'There's a history project I've got to finish. It's due in the day after tomorrow.'

Marissa eyes him with concern and is about to say something to him, but holds off. She nods. 'Okay,' she says. 'I'll come up with something for you to eat in a few minutes.'

He nods and proceeds to tread upstairs. He sinks into his chair and picks up the textbook on his desk. He opens on a dog eared page and starts reading a chunk of text. He blinks, shakes his head and starts again. He wills himself to concentrate on the passage in front of him; to shake thoughts of his father and Lisa from his mind, but he can't. It's all he can think about. Frustrated, he slams the textbook closed and pushes his back against the chair, wheeling himself into the centre of the bedroom.

It's in this position that his eyes flicker to the wastebasket tucked beneath the desk. He swallows as he spots its contents. A letter sent to him from Louis some weeks before, one that he tore up and discarded out of the disdain he bore for him.

He bows his head in self reproach and leaps from his chair to crouch beside the waste basket. He draws the two crumpled pieces of the note and places them on the desk. He tries to straighten the creases out and grabs cello tape from the drawer. He sticks the note back together and takes it in his hand. As he turns it over, he takes in a deep breath. Tears well in his eyes as he continues to just hold it.

Daniel feels as though he can't bring himself to read it. But, he feels an urge to. He props himself against his bedroom wall and psyches himself up. 'You can do this,' he says. 'You can read it. Dad wanted you to read it. That's why he sent it.'

He nods, and going against the wrenching feeling in his gut, he fixes his attention on the letter.

Dan. I hope you're okay with me calling you that after all these years.

How are you doing? Just another one of these notes to check in with you. I hope you're doing well. I heard you and Lisa broke up, and I want to say I'm sorry.

Anyway, I guess I just want to say that I'd like to see you. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I care about you, and your mother, much more than you'll ever know. I know you're angry about me walking out. I totally understand how you must feel as a kid having grown up without me around. I truly am sorry, but my reasons aren't as totally selfish as they must seem to you. I love you, Dan. Even if you hate me for the rest of your life, that is something that'll never change.

I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope we can reconnect. Losing Mia was the hardest thing I ever went through and I can't bear the feeling of having lost you too for all these years. Allowing you to slip from my fingers. Leaving you was the worst mistake of my life, and all I want is to have you back in my life. Because, you, Daniel, are the most important person in it.

Hope we'll talk soon,

Dad, Louis, or whatever it is that you want to call me.

Daniel allows the letter to land in his lap as he drops it. He covers his mouth with his hand to muffle his sobs. Tears still pour onto his cheeks and Marissa can still hear him from outside his bedroom door. She weeps in synchrony with him, but she doesn't dare to enter the room and interrupt him in the rawness of the moment.

----

With the help of Martin, Sean and three others, Daniel holds Lisa's casket above his head and walks toward the grave. They come to a standstill before her grave and lay her coffin out on the straps. As they lower it into the ground, he catches sight of Sophie gently rubbing the back of Lisa's mother, both of whom are crying heavily.

The trio of boys step away from the grave and both Martin of Sean squeeze Daniel's arm gently. He nods and smiles at their attempt at giving comfort. But, he recognises that it's not him who needs it most. As he spots Lisa's mother stalking away from the graveside, he discreetly slips away from the crowd and follows her.

She perches herself on a bench and grabs a flask from the inside pocket of her jacket. She begins to take swigs from it as he seats himself beside her. 'I'm sorry for your loss, Mrs O'Dwyer,' he tells her.

She nods and takes another gulp from the flask. 'Thank you,' she says. 'Now, if you don't mind, I'd like some time alone.'

He nods, looks back to the congregation, and diverts the route of conversation. 'Lisa was a good friend of mine, you know,' he sighs. 'And I know it's none of my business, but she very often told me that the one thing she's always wanted was for you to stop drinking.'

Her mother glances to the flask, sighs, and turns to him. 'It is none of your business,' she says, lifting it to her lips once more.

He nods. 'I know,' he says. 'But Lisa saved my life, more than once. And I'll forever be indebted to her. So, this is something I can do for her, even now that she's gone.'

He reaches out for her hand and holds it gently, before tugging at the flask with the other. After a few seconds, she releases her heavy grasp on it and starts to cry hysterically. Daniel pours the remaining alcohol to the ground and wraps his arms around Lisa's mother.

'My baby's gone,' she wails.

'I know,' he swallows. 'And I'm so sorry.'

She clutches the collar of his suit jacket as she continues to cry. He guides her to stand up, and supports her as they walk back to the burial service.

When offered some, Daniel takes a scoop of dirt in his hand and throws it onto the coffin. A person nearby reaches out and does so too, while placing their other hand to his back. He turns around to see Charlene smiling at him. 'Thank you,' she whispers. 'For saving my life. And I'm sorry about your father.'

He smiles weakly at her, nods, and turns his attention back to the service.