Unchained memories: Loki x Sif (complete)

Chapter 5: perhaps it could have been different

So there she sat, in that same room where his evil plan was concocted, perhaps if Thor had never kissed her, perhaps if she had never kissed Loki, he may never have cut off her hair that night, but that wasn't what was really important.

As she sat on his bed she could feel him in the room, like he was there with her, she kept seeing them dancing and then kissing, and she realised she wished she had never pulled away and run off, but what would have become of him if she had loved him, maybe he wouldn't have done the things he did on Midgard.

Perhaps however his fate was inevitable, perhaps it was his destiny to become what he has, what if no matter how much she loved him, he would always turn into a... What was he? A monster? The thing Loki feared most? Loki's so much more complex, there was no word she could think of to describe him.

Simultaneously she lay down on his bed and stared up to the golden ceiling above her, she rolled her head to the side to see what he would have seen, when her nose pressed against the pillows, his scent was still trapped in the green velvet, she inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, pretending he was laying with her.

It was becoming obsessive behaviour and she knew it, but that feeling she had in his room was like he never left, she wanted to go back to when they were younger, back to the night she danced with him, this wasn't about her hair now, this was about him.

Never had she thought of Loki as anything more than Thor's brother after he cut her hair, she wiped all good memories of him and chained them in a chest at the back of her mind, it was only now that she remembered, when she needed to, seeing Loki in that cell like the common animal brought back all those chained memories, she was a new person.

She needed to see him, in that moment, it felt impossible for her to go any other day, it had to be now while these feelings were still fresh. So she leaped out of his bed and ran down the corridors, trying to compress her smile.

Finally she came to the prison and the guards who were taking their night shift were wide awake "Let me pass... And keep this between us this time won't you"

" 'This time' Lady Sif?"

"You told Thor... Never mind may I pass?"

"I assure you my Lady, we feel no obligation to notify anyone of visits to the prisons, perhaps Heimdall is the one you need to talk to"

"Thank you perhaps I shall" the guard nodded in agreement, then both guards lifted their spears from blocking the door and opened them for Sif to enter, she strode in confidently, although not too sure what she would say.

Loki lay with his back to her like before, it was almost as if he hadn't moved "Loki!"

"Don't speak too loud you'll wake the neighbours" he said sarcastically.

"Oh, you're awake"

"The guy in the next cell snores"

"I didn't come here to discuss your friends sleeping habits" she walked closer to the golden barrier "I came here to tell you something"

He sat up with his back still facing away from her "and what's that?" He spoke knowingly, like he already knew the answer.

She took a deep breath "Loki I've been thinking, well remembering actually..."

"So it ate away at you then" he interrupted.

"Wa... What?"

"My little joke"

"Oh" she sounded like she was disappointed.

Loki still refused to face her "I know you didn't come the other night to witness the animal I have supposedly become"

"I'm glad you know because I do not"

"For someone so skilled you are forever blinded by Thor" he spoke his brothers name with such bitterness, like the word angered him severely.

"This has nothing to do with Thor" she protested. 

"It has everything to do with Thor" his tone was rising.

"I do not understand" he twisted around to look at her, for the first time she could see tears drenching his cheeks.

He got up and walked halfway to the barrier "don't you get it? You stupid half wit!" She felt stunned "he took you from me! That stupid little meaningless dance may have been meaningless to you! But it meant something to me! And that moron took it from me!" He hissed, his eyes enraged.

"All this over a dance!" She argued, a fake laughter among her words.

"Oh don't think so highly of yourself" he spat, raising a hand in her direction.

"What the hell do you mean!"

"You ! I only ever wanted you! But after that dance you pretended like I didn't exist!" His face showed deep pain, that one dance, that kiss, showed Loki the affection he had never felt with another women before, and the moment when Thor kissed Sif his heart was ripped out. After that night when he cut her hair, his anger was partially relinquished, sure there was banta, but he never held it against her, if he had it would have been petty for someone of his royal position, so he did the same as Sif he chained the memories away.

"I was young and foolish! What else was I to do? I had never..." Her breath stuttered and her tone softened.

"Well go on! What!"

"I had never felt that way before, you horrible trickster!" He stepped back stunned, not the response he expected obviously.

"And... What now?" His voice had lowered too, he was calmer.

"After everything... I'm not sure anymore, I have all these fantastic memories but then... Loki I remember what you've done, and I wish I could turn back time to that night but, honestly, I don't know if it would make a difference, I know I'm not the cause of why you're in here"

"No, you're not. Other things drove me to this"

She took one step away as he stepped forward, tears pricking at her eyes "no. It's who you are, it's all you have always been, nothing 'drove' you to this, it was by your own hand, you had a choice and you made it. I'm sorry I should never have come"

"Sif! Siiiiiiiiiiif!" She basically ran out of the prison, she wanted to leave before he saw her cry, what was she thinking? Was she mad? Was she insane? What had driven her to it? What drove her to think he could be loved? This was a man whose mind was poisoned, it was gone, replaced with darkness, a callus on his soul and a heavy heart, he was dehumanised, whatever he was now was something degraded from the title of prince.