insanity
/ɪnˈsanəti/
noun
the state of being seriously mentally ill; madness.
"he suffered from bouts of insanity"
It wouldn't surprise me to hear that we were all going insane, our minds slowly melting away into mush. We had just witnessed our best friend heal himself within seconds and we were acting as if it was nothing strange, an everyday sort of occurrence if you will. Although I could admit we had bigger priorities, it was still a pretty huge thing to be ignoring. Momentarily we were focused on the particular issue of the rest of our group and where the hell they had gone. Levi had assured us that their minds weren't being tampered with like Troyes had but that led to the question of: why had they been taken then? Apparently the boss was coming today and for some reason that made my blood run cold, if he had Levi under his thumb then he was definitely not the kind of guy I wanted anything to do with. The one single reason that the thought of him arriving appealed to me was that with him came the promise of answers, and with answers came the promise of saving Troye.
Right now Zoe's napping with her mouth slightly ajar and head in his lap, her hair splayed out in a tangled halo of chestnut and gold. Joe and Connor are having some sort of strategic conversation involving lots of animated hand gestures and faces drawn into fixed scowls. Although from a quick glance Troye looks fine, if not a little worn out, a closer look tells me an entirely different story. He hasn't taken a breath in minutes and his glare has stayed firmly on the looming metal door as if he's anticipating someone making an entrance. Since he's gotten back something is taking place physically in him. Inarguably he has always been unfairly attractive but he's becoming unnervingly close to perfect. Small blemishes are natural but I can't see one, bedhead is natural but he doesn't get it, hell I don't even think he sleeps. His skin is paler, his eyes are bluer, he's still slim but now there's a layer of muscle that he had never quite been able to develop in the past. I've even noticed him growing height wise too, not majorly but a couple of inches at least. It has to be whatever they've given him, it's enhanced him but I don't know whether he's realised it yet, at least not all of it.
"Tilly." I blush and giggle nervously. How long have I been staring? "Come here you idiot." I crawl over obediently and raise my eyebrows in a clear 'what's up?' gesture. I'm pleasantly surprised when wraps a lean arm around my waist and scoots me closer. "When was the last time you slept Ty?" Oh shit, of course that's why he's worried about me, I probably look like death. I struggle to find a convincing answer. "Umm, ahh- maybe..." He gently places his finger over my lips shaking his head fondly and patting the space on his lap. "C'mon, there's room for one more." Now that he's mentioned it I can definitely feel my heavy eyelids and I know that I'm exhausted no matter how much I pretend I'm not. I let my head fall down next to Zoe's and hum contently when I feel Troyes hands lace into my hair. "An hour, Sivan, then wake me up." I protest half-heartedly, but it comes out muffled because my face is pressed into his thigh. "Shush Tilly you little shit and go to sleep for gods' sake." Is the only reply I receive before I'm consumed by a dream landscape full of false hope.
Troye P.O.V
Tyler mumbles softly in his sleep, twitching his arms every so often and shaking his head. I imagine what he could possibly be dreaming about and find myself missing the sensation of dreaming. Even a nightmare would be welcome right now. Levi told me that it was impossible though, that I shouldn't even entertain the thought. Sleep hindered us, tiredness made us slow, vulnerable and weak. If I was to be as great as he pictured then I would be altered in a way that made sleep unnecessary. I'm not sure why he wants me to be so great anyway. He could have chosen any of us, someone lithe and quick like Zoe, someone strong and built like Alfie or Marcus, or even someone who wasn't as generally unable to hurt anyone as me. I'm quite pathetic when you think about it. But no, apparently I have potential. Well, past tense, I had potential. I guess that's wasted now that my mind is rotting away, dissolving into meaningless pieces of information which I can't quite put together to create rationality. Maybe that was Levis plan in the first place; use me to test on because I was the worst possible candidate. He's extremely intelligent and shockingly cold so it wouldn't surprise me to know he'd sacrifice one of his precious hostages for the sake of some warped serum.
The boss is coming today. I'm not scared. I know Tyler is. Whenever we talk about it his heartbeat quickens and a band of sweat forms on his forehead. I wish I could protect him from what's coming, but it's beyond what any of us understand. When I was taken I learnt some things about the situation, nothing the boss wouldn't share when he arrives though. I know that most of us will die and I know that death will be paradise in comparison to what's coming. I want to feel bad and cry and shake and scream and curse but I have too many regrets to let myself be pulled into the abyss of self-pity, I may never climb back out. One small shred of information I managed to conjure out of an unsuspecting security guard is that we are leaving today. Where to I don't know but it has to be better than here. That's what I keep telling myself, my mantra, over and over I ingrain it into my brain. It has to be better than here, it has to be better than here.
I'm startled when a tiny hand digs into my shoulder. Zoe's eyes are droopy and her hair is like a nest on top of her head but she still manages to look beautiful, I'll never like her in that way but I can still see why Alfie would. It will probably be the end of him when she goes, and no doubt she will go soon. "What does that mean Troye; it has to be better than here? What are you talking about?" I shake my head and laugh at her, pretending she's done something that amuses me. "It's a song stupid." I giggle, improvising another effortless lie. "Oh." She blushes, the corners of her mouth quirking up. "I'm sorry, I just keep getting my hopes up you know...?" I nod, acting like I understand even though I don't remember the last time I felt hope. Lying makes me tired, so I end the conversation. "Just go back to sleep Zo, it'll be over soon." I soothe. My words are cryptic at best but she simply accepts them, nodding her head as if I've imparted some great wisdom. Was I ever that blind to the truth?
It'll be over soon.
How can she miss my meaning?
Over,
In the end, it always means one thing.
A/n ~ Hi, I have not updated in 10,000 years. Sorry about that. On the bright side I have a real plot now. That makes up for it right? No? Okay, i'll keep that for future reference. As usual, i'm not very happy with this chapter, it's a little lazy I guess. I'm thinking of going through and editing some stuff, if i can be bothered of course. I REALISE THERE HAS BEEN ZERO TROYLER ACTION BUT CAN YOU JUST WAIT A LITTLE WHILE UNTIL THEY ARE IN A COMFORTABLE ROUTINE. I'm thinking two more chapters and then it shall begin. Until then, stay rad and go read something less disturbing. I love ya lots,
Charlie xox
