Autocorrect fails that happen to me

1.

Me: brb got to get food

Friend: okay

Me: back

Friend: what did you get?

Me: I am eatin sad witches

Friend: don't eat sad jade!!!!

(Jade Harly)

(You won't get this one if you don't read homestuck).

2.

This one was on the subject of auto correct

Me: I hate my auto crack

Friend: um.....

Me: I hate all autoCorrect, but it striped again

Me: *striked

3.

Me: have to go I have homo twerk

Me: *homework

Me: lol, but really have to go bribe

Me: *bye

4.

Friend: what?

Me: Intervertebral mind

Me:*never

Me: never mind

Me: Intervertebral that's not ever close!

5.

Me: my teacher gave us candy today if we got the answers right, me and john got a bunch

Friend:cool

Me: we had sex in thar

Friend: what!!!! I did not even know you we're going out!!!

Me: *we ate six of them

6.

Friend: I don't like my teacher

Me: me eat her

Friend: wow, your a really good friend!

Me: *either

Friend: oh :(

7.

Me: hoes are everyone

Me: *how

Me: and is but fuck grammar

8.

Friend: I am weird

Me: you are undead

Friend: ...ok?

Me: *indeed

9.

Friend: that was stupid

Me: fluff pony

Friend: ...?

Me: fluff poop

Friend: better?

Me: fuck you

Fiend: oh

10.

Me: hopeful slut!

Friend: I am not!

Me: *hopeful shit!

Friend: that either

Me: *holy shit!

Friend: oh

11.

1: wait like sex seconds!

2: *six sexonds

3: wow guys here: sex seconds!

3: *sex

3: rrrr

4: six six sex

4: why dose this keep happenin!

1: I don't know!

2: *sex seconds

2: fuck!

1: *sex sexonds

1: wwhhhyyyy!

12.

Me: Great salads

Friend: what?

Me: *awkward silence

Friend: oh my god! Haha only you could make awkward silence to great salads!

Me: Kekeke