R O O M M A T E

9

I was walking by Jimin side in the empty hall. Everybody was attending their classes or sleeping. 

-Thank you for defending me, Jimin spoke finally with a weak smile.

-I didn't do this for you but for me. How bad would it look like for me for having a bitch as a boyfriend because of his status, i lied without looking at him. 

-You are lying but it's okay, he giggled. 

-It's weird, i said scrunching my nose.

-What? he asked softly.

-How we are talking right now. Every time we tried to speak in the past after we broke up ended with a fight. 

-I know, but..he started but stopped himself.

-What were you going to say? i asked him with a curious expression.

-I was going to say, that you know when you said i wasn't a bad person...why? I mean i am. I cheated on you, but not only you...

-You are a bad person, don't get me wrong. But you are human. And humans can make mistakes.

-Oh, he simply replied. 

A silence fell again between us.

-Jimin?

-Hum?

-Why did you cheat on me? 

This question never left my mind. It was always creeping in my heart. Making the pain bigger. I felt insecure and not good enough when i found out. I even got into a bad car accident.

-I-... 

-I used to love you so much. I felt like i wasn't good enough. And what if my body wasn't pretty enough? What if he find me suddenly ugly? It hurt me so badly. 

-I wanted to see if you will react..

Surprised about his answer, i chocked on my own saliva. I cough and glared at him feeling the tears filling my eyes.

-Was i a game for you, i sobbed. 

The pain was so harsh. I felt like my heart was dying slowly.

-You never seemed to care about me. You were always talking about Eunwoo. I know that i had to understand that he was going through some hard time, but i felt so left out. You were busy with school as you were president and you were also in this group of dance. I barely was able to see you and when i was you talked about Eunwoo and how worried you were. 

-You can't justify your acts by this, i replied sobbing even harder hearing Eunwoo's name. 

-I know, but can't you understand how i felt ? I was so hurt. I felt like i was nothing for you. Even when i tried to make you jealous and talk about other girls that i gave no fucks about, you were so considerate and told me it was fine for me to have girls friends.

-You are blaming me for not being a psychopath and kill every girl you talk to? Why would i be jealous when i knew you loved me and not them!i yelled mad at his stupidity. I ran out of the school.

Jimin followed me outside and took my hand.

-Hey, don't cry. I don't ask you to forgive me. I ask you to understand why i acted this way. With Kayla, i felt loved. I felt like had some value, but with you i felt miserable. I wasn't able to help you or anything. You were such a strong women, but the more time i spent with Kayla, the more this black whole of emptiness was full with love. 

-But why didn't you broke up with me ! Or searched to talk to me! I even had an accident and you never showed up once to the hospital, but when i was able to leave you were there waiting for me with your beautiful stupid smile of yours. You lied to me and i trusted you. I even let you sleep with me again like nothing happened like you was the old Jimin that i loved. 

I yelled at him sobbing. The tears wouldn't stop to flow. Jimin's eyes were starting to get teary.

-I'm so sorry. So sorry. I didn't know you had an accident because of me. When i found out you were at the hospital, it was the day you were leaving. I felt so guilty. I promised myself, i would stop seeing Kayla like i told you, but...

-You fell in love with her, i completed for him. He looked at me now crying too. 

-And when you broke up so suddenly like that, i felt uneasy. Like i had so much no value for you that you had to break everything like that without letting me explain. I was angry and sad, he continued shaking his head.

-But you didn't deserve anything more from me. I was already going through a hard time at school and with Eunwoo too. But you only cared about you, i replied coldly.

-You see! We can never speak with you ! It's always the other fault!

He yelled angry.

-Me?! Look at yourself! Listen to you story! 

-I SAID I WAS SORRY! I WAS WRONG! BUT YOU JUST DON'T CARE! IF YOU LOVE EUNWOO THAT MUCH JUST GO WITH HIM! 

My heart broke into million of pieces. I back-faced him and walked away. No more tears were able to come off from my body. I was shook and disappointed. I was deeply hurt. 

-You are running away like always, Jimin yelled.

I turned around and faced Jimin. 

-Jimin, let's end this. I don't want to speak to you no more. 

-Misun! Wait! I didn't want this to end like that! 

I ignored him and kept on walking away. how can he says that? He's the worse bastard!

I felt his hands holding into my shoulders. He made me turn around. He stared deeply in my eyes. "He don't know... He don't know ?"i repeated to myself realizing it. A weight flew away from my shoulders.

-Y-you don't know? i asked almost afraid. 

-Know about what ? he asked confused.

I shook my head not able to speak a word. 

 -Jimin, i'm sorry. 

-Huh? 

-What do you want from me? i asked but my thought were somewhere else. 

-Oh, i would like to establish a 'friendship' with you. Slowly. I want us to take our time, he said with a happy smile. 

"he doesn't know? But how? " i kept on questioning myself. 

-Misun?

-Okay,i have to leave now. See you later. 

I ran away from him. I ran to the dorm. I opened the door and saw a worried Hoseok standing in the living room with the mysterious boy ho winked at me. Without looking at them twice , i ran to my room where i locked the room. I searched through my bag, but didn't find them. The air in my lungs was getting rarer in seconds. I kicked my clothe on the floor searching for them. I finally find the small bottle full of them. The pills that i needed. I put a bunch of them in my hand and ran to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. 

Hoseok ran to me and saw the amount of pills in my hands and snatched them from me. 

-What are you doing! You could die from an overdose! he yelled at me angry. 

-Hoseok, shut up! She have an anxiety attack, the boy scolded him before handing me one pill. 

I swallowed it with some water. 

I walked to the couch feeling a bit better. 

i closed my eyes and slept.